Long title, I know… but I couldn’t help it. May the search engine Gods look the other way, because this is all about SELF PROMOTION.

We baked really yummy bread over at Will’s Kitchen… I have two new design projects up over at Ryan Salinetti Creative… I posted earlier this week about gender fearing parents at Sprocket Ink AND I just posted another piece about the wonders behind Kelly Osbourne, Rose McGowan and Pamela Anderson (together at last!). I also started a little Tumblr project and plan to finish my time travel machine by the end of the weekend. You may think I’m on drugs, but sadly– no. Also, I’m going to BJs tomorrow for diapers and Dino Chicken. I know… seethe the jealousy. Off to fold the laundry! Weeeeeeeeeeee…..

I’m using a writing prompt today from Studio30+ — a site for bloggers that are over 30 years old. It’s kind of like that show that used to be on in the late 80′s — Thirtysomething. Remember? NO? Why, how old ARE YOU? I guess you can tell that I’m over 30. On the other side of 35, but not yet half way to 40. I’m hoping to stay here for like ten more years by completely avoiding reality. And if you don’t remember, Thirtysomething was really annoying. It was a bunch of thirty something people mulling about in their own lives complaining about being thirty something… and other stuff. Because that’s the total opposite of what bloggers do, right? Not that Studio30+ is annoying…. it’s actually quite nice, and if you’re a blogger over 30 — I highly recommend.

The writing prompt for this week is MOMENT OF TRUTH (truth truth truth). Kind of like an ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ moment, but you know, without an orgy. And while I’ve had plenty of these moments in my life, I can only think of one really appropriate truth-be-told thing to focus on, and that is WORDS WITH FRIENDS. Because, dear friends, it’s time for me to PUT THE CRACK DOWN.

And I know. This is supposed to be serious. But while I was playing the other night I completely missed Obama’s speech about…. stuff. I did, however, look up from my iPad long enough to notice the orange toned pancake makeup that all three — Obama, Boehner, and Biden were wearing… making them all the same color and therefore, PERHAPS the same race. Is that what the speech was about? I took the time to jump over to Facebook to acknowledge this discovery, but that was it. Within seconds I was back losing to like 20 different games — mostly being played with people I don’t know. Dammit.

But I’m beginning to think that this is kind of a serious condition. I mean I haven’t played a lot of games… ever, and I think the last time I played Scrabble (which is really what ‘Words with Friends’ is), I was just out of college on a train headed to a town on the Mediterranean called Sète. And, ooooo, I can here you now. She’s so CULTURED. But no, Sète, although beautiful, totally sucked and everyone there was mean. MEAN. Never go there.

Because, you see, I just downloaded Words With Friends a few days ago, and in that time I have successfully ignored everything and everyone around me. Not to mention, I think Mr. Sal said something about burning the iPad in a massive fire pit he started constructing the very second I downloaded the game. And also, I hate to say it, but even the nine-month old seems to squeal in opposition when I start to glance over to where I keep the mobile devices. Earlier, I became frustrated when I hit the game limit on how many you can play at once, and I just got up to go check to see where we are with over using the word ZA. Which, apparently is allowed because it’s slang for pizza….and now I’m hungry.

But something has to end the madness. So as soon as I finish playing these last 27 games, I might think about stopping. And that, my friends, is a serious Moment of Truth.

In other news, my good friend Sue has published a brilliant post about bullying entitled “Don’t try to Bully Me”. Sue, who agrees that the pancake usage on our WORLD LEADERS was a bit off last night, is/was a professional model. I know she won’t mind my posting some of here pictures here:

Go there and read her post, and maybe… JUST MAYBE, she’ll make out with you.

This is my new boyfriend…

Yes. That’s right. Dr. Richard Ferber, I love you.

Because you see, SLEEP is something that I haven’t had very much of in the past OH, EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS. That is until a few nights ago when Mr. Sal and I decided to go all hardcore and picked up RICHARD’S book “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems”. Shown below in ALL CAPS so that those that are SLEEP DEPRIVED can read the title.

This man is a genius. A gem. A MIRACLE WORKER. A mere four nights after starting his process of letting Josephine cry herself to sleep, we are in a routine of SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. Yes, that’s right. We kicked it ROOT DOWN. Just when I was getting used to letting her RULE THE UNIVERSE.

But, as I think back over the past few nights, it wasn’t easy, and this man is made of pure stone. We had to put her in her bed, leave the room and listen to her cry. Sometimes the crying went on FOR HOURS. As we followed the book’s suggestions to go in every few minutes to try and comfort her, but NOT pick her up. Mentally this was excruciating, but it also hurt me physically — my neck, my back — to listen to her cry so hard. WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME?!?!? But then, it subsided. And each night as we persevered the crying grew shorter until at LONG-almost-nine-months-last, we put her in her bed and she didn’t cry. She just fell asleep.

And, of course, those wiser and more experienced told us to do this from the beginning — and believe me, we TRIED to let her cry. But then she had Croup. And then she snuggled up all cute and cozy on the couch, sleeping peacefully, which according to Dr. Ferber was only creating BAD HABITS — so, something needed to be done. Not to mention, there’s something so much more official about having a book tell you what to do… Having it actually work, however, is a little hard to believe.  So, thank you Dr. Ferber. Thank you for being real. Direct. And for helping us cross “Get Jo to sleep in her own bed” off of our 2012 list of accomplishments. Now that we are getting some sleep, we may just be able to tackle windsurfing.

In other news, the Steve Jobs doll is off the market. That’s right. OFF. And, no. I’m not going to stop leading you off to other places on the internet where I have voiced my opinion. Get over it.

Do you lie to your kids?

No really. Do you? I mean… just LOOK at Ann Curry’s face.

You’re lying RIGHT NOW. And she T-O-T-A-L-L-Y knows.

Because, according to the Today Show and some rather swarmy ladies from Todaymoms.com, you are just oozing with lies. LIES.

YOU BIG, FAT LIAR.

Personally, I try not to lie to Will — but not because lying isn’t fun (because it totally is!), no. Will is way to smart and tends to figure things out… He spends a lot of time and asks A LOT of QUESTIONS…. taking the fun completely OUT OF THE LIE. Santa Claus was suspect for weeks before Christmas. There was a lot of concern over how he gets onto the roof… “He doesn’t use a ladder, he doesn’t NEED a ladder.” We were three steps to polishing off the liquor cabinet with his series of investigations, but it all ended when Mr. Claus paid off big time Christmas morning. Thank you VERY much, John Deere.

And, didn’t you know, this is a heated topic. Why, it was just a few months back that I was perusing Facebook when I came across a post from fellow blogger, Jaime Lee, who had written a nice little HONEST post about ’6 lies moms tell kids’. For the most part, these 6 categories of dishonesty are all based in keeping a child happy and protected. You know — ‘The Tooth Fairy’, ‘Let’s not talk about sex yet, the baby came from a stork’, ‘GYPSIES’.  All rather harmless, and in all honesty, easy enough for a child to understand and quickly get over once the real truth is unveiled. But as I read on to the comments section, I found myself all stressed out and twisted up in the world of someone that DOES NOT LIE….

“As Life Gets Better says:

In keeping with last week’s post on things I want to accomplish in 2012 — I started reading Savor, by Thich Nhat Hana and Dr. Lilian Cheung.

And, although I have already broken my code of not buying any more new books until I have read all of the ones that currently reside in my house (#1 on the list), I’m really happy that this is the book that I started with. Because, you see, I think I only purchased this book because of it’s beautifully designed cover. That and Amazon’s oh-so clever marketing skills in the “Recommended Items” department. I couldn’t resist. I bet, because you know I don’t even really remember buying this book, that I didn’t really know what it was about at the time of purchase. Yes. I am that easy. And, if I’m not a Buddhist by the time I finish reading this sweet little 237 page paperback, there must be all kinds of things wrong with me, and I already have a somewhat healthy relationship with food. It’s my book buying habit that I’m worried about.

But you see, as it turns out, this is a dieting book. Hidden behind the beautiful language and holistic nuances, the sole purpose of this book’s existence is to help people lose weight, which is something that I might like to do, but I’m not hardcore into needing to lose poundage. What I am into is enjoying the act of eating (#2 on the list). Thinking about the food as I am enjoying it is something that I am also trying to accomplish this year — breathing while I eat. Not allowing the stress of people behaving at dinner time or the baby’s fussiness make me inhale my food as an act of desperation. As if I’m never going to have the opportunity to eat again. It only breeds bad habits and makes it appear to be okay as I shovel toast into my mouth while running out the door. Because being late for Nursery School is totally going to make him miss the bus in another 5 years. Not.

And as I breeze through this lovely book about dieting and having patience with one’s self. I am finding that reading truths that I already know, need some reminding. Who knows — perhaps there’s some additional enjoyment to be found as we relearn how to relax, chew our food and maybe drop a few pounds.

“Mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a way of living that has been practiced over twenty-six hundred years by millions of people to help them transform their suffering into peace and joy. Applying mindfulness to your suffering with weight gives you catalyst that you can draw on at will to change your behavior. Consider mindfulness as your ally to help you get out of your own way, change your habits that are counterproductive, and overcome the obstacles and difficulties that led you to be overweight.” – page 34

Now, if I can only apply this to buying books… Then, maybe I can start to work on #8 from the 2012 list: Not so much spending.

And here we are. A new year.

Fresh. New. Untouched. Unaffected. And oddly — feeling almost exactly like it did last year.

But that’s not reason to worry. Feeling the same as it did less than a week ago isn’t a bad thing, right? We aren’t supposed to run around changing EVERYTHING immediately, right? I mean… I suppose there are freaks people out there that say “I’M CHANGING, DAMMIT” and then, BOOM, everything is different. There’s nothing seemingly wrong with taking our time. Deciding that we want to do something, think about it… patiently… toil over the details while moving in slow motion. Quietly making the necessary adjustments before we LEAP FORWARD into new things. And I know you were picturing a graceful gazelle just now as I said ‘LEAP FORWARD’… because we are talking about the visions in my mind — and you need to see things as I’m seeing them if we are going to embark on anything together — and in no way am I referencing a leap “year”. Because I don’t think I could handle losing one entire day in 2012. No. No empty, invisible, take-away days — because this is going to be the YEAR OF ME. And you’re coming too.

I’m thinking about making some changes, and since these are life long — they do NOT fall into the evil and ever-failing RESOLUTIONS category. And — I’m not just talking about the small stuff, like this is the last Coca Cola I will EVER drink. No. I’m talking about things that would normally fall on a “Life List”, which is something that I have mentioned in “They’re safe easy to clean and do not cause unpleasant buffeting”, (those were the days)… I’m talking about speeding up the process and, for almost the first time ever, TAKING MYSELF SERIOUSLY. Like — No more soda really means NO MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE ANYTHING…. And, while we’re at it, LEARN TO WINDSURF. But there really isn’t a rhyme or reason to any of this. AND I’m going big, at least for me. Way beyond the Ten Its. My attempts to formulate a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next 40-50 years (if I’m lucky) ranges from the absurd — Sleep through the night… to the mundane — Put Christmas away… to the balls out impossible — DO SOMETHING BIGger than before (I’m open for suggestions). So, I’m speeding it up and giving myself 365 days — although I’ve already lost 4 in the planning stage. So, starting NOW. Okay. After I finish this coke.

And I know. YEAR OF ME, sounds kind of selfish and completely unoriginal. And I totally agree. I completely ripped the idea off from The Summer of George on a Seinfeld rerun the other night. Only — as we all know, the Summer of George was a failed endeavor which saw Mr. Costanza in rehabilitation to regain his ability to walk. I know. NOT FUNNY. But it totally was. Even after watching it for the 40,000th time. His only mistake was that he attempted to do it all alone. Of which, I would never do. Because, yes. I love you too.

And so… as I need to get going on a few things. I am starting the list right now. Please note that this list will change — grow and hopefully shrink with cross-outs as I SUCCEED AT EVERYTHING I TRY. Also, please note that from the boring to the laugh your ass off NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN items all fall in no particular order. Because, that, my friends is life.

• Read all the books in my house before buying new ones
• Quit High Fructose Everything
• Breathe while eating and enjoy every bite
• Walks
• Share a picture everyday
• Teach Will to read
• Teach Jo to walk AND talk
• Not so much spending
• Learn to Windsurf
• Redesign this Blog
• Travel with the Kids
• Relearn CPR
• More NYC
• Go fishing
• Will’s Kitchen, the book
• Bronx Zoo
• Write a Screenplay
• Find the right babysitter (and hire her/him)
• Find my Medium
• Garden. For real.
• Go to the Openings
• Turn conversational Spanish into fluent
• Make edible egg free pasta
• Meet Martha
• Get Jo to sleep in her own bed
• Take more pictures
• Find the right, regular, paying gig

I’m alone currently. No really — Mr. Sal is in the city and both of my children are apparently sleeping. I say apparently because, really — who knows. And when my husband complained about having to spend the evening among adults at some fabulous dinner for business, I imagined myself inhaling a self-rolled ciggy, exhaling while speaking in a British accent “I cannot imagine anything more exhilarating (emphasis on the ‘EXXXHHHHIL‘) than a trip to the city”…. which is a scene that I totally ripped from the Virginia Wolf thriller of a movie, The Hours…. Starring Nicole Kidman…. Regarding several decades of women that seem to be going through unbelievable bouts of self-exploration… which is a nicer way of saying ‘depression’. And, although I am not depressed, or anywhere near the idea of going through a ’bout’ of anything — I do have to say that it’s getting harder and harder for me to remember what it was like to not have kids. To be able to just go. Just decide to do something and then do it….ALONE. ALOOOONE… And, considering this is the second time I’ve been alone in 2011, and most likely the last — what better time to run wild with abandon and go — GO — on 2011. On the other hand, it may have been a mistake to leave me alone, and this glass of wine is delicious…. I’ll wait until morning before I publish this.

Because 2011,
CHANGED MY LIFE.
AGAIN.
(sorry, that was loud. and this post is rather long.)

In 2011, we had a 2nd baby. We had a 2nd baby just when the first baby, now 4 years old, seemed well on his way to independence. And when I think about the dramatic and early entrance that Josephine made into our lives, paired with her current ability to get pretty much anything she wants — at 7.5 months old, it’s hard not to predict that we are in it for a lifetime. And again, NOT TO WORRY, when I say ‘in it’, I am of course referring to the bliss and unbridled happiness that comes with being Josephine’s Mom. The smiles. The heart-melting coos and squeals that make up for the refusal to sleep in her own bed. Or how she spits the baby food back out at you and then laughs at your reaction. But that’s okay, as you wipe the spring vegetable surprise from your face, just LOOK at how cute she is covered in puree…. and whatever, you can just forget about your hair — you aren’t going anywhere anyway.

But I know, having just done this for the past 4 years. This time is fleeting. It really is hard to believe that she’s 7.5 months old and that Will just completed his first semester of preschool. I mean… remember back when he was two and he quit napping and I thought my life was over? I mean… it really was over, but the realization was astounding… WHAT DO YOU MEAN I don’t have time to myself anymore? That I had to put my design ‘career’ (I know, don’t laugh) on hold, sit on the floor and PLAY? I mean REALLY. I’M EDUCATED — and LOOK, now I’m playing TRUCKS? But then it stopped. He did what most do and started playing BY HIMSELF. And then I was sad, alone… sitting on the floor with my trucks (not really). And now Jo — as demanding and irresistible a baby as there ever was…. tomorrow she’ll be kicking me out of her room and demanding to pierce something.

And, I know. I’m going to get to all of the other things that happened in 2011 — I’m just taking my time because I’m still alone. That, and I just can’t get over how pleased I am with everything in my life these days. The fun little boy I have. The food allergies that he seems to be growing out of (!) paired with his need to wear a fire helmet to the grocery store. The sweetest little girl I could have ever imagined — it’s even cute when she’s slapping my face and ripping my earrings out. I’ve even been working on a few design projects that seem to be moving along nicely, and I’m happy to report that things are calm both on the friend and family fronts.

All in all, while tooting my own horn from atop the highest pedestal, 2011 was a really good year all-around.

January… My sister Annie was married to her longtime love, Rob… Which led to a reunion of sorts in seeing friends and family that I haven’t seen in years, some of which read this bloggedy blog and therefore knew way more than I did about myself…. Later, I started reading an absurd amount of anything I could get my hands on, books – magazines, newspapers, a MANUSCRIPT written by a brilliantly talented individual that also had a baby in 2011… January was also the month when I started having Braxton Hicks otherwise known as false and not funny contractions even though I wasn’t due until the end of May. Good Times.

February found Mr. Sal and I returning to Portsmouth, NH where I took this picture whist Braxton Hicking all over New England:

I may never understand why I love this picture so much other than the fact that I was a giant pregnant lady salivating over the whole idea behind this window.

Nothing happened in March.
NOTHING.
Oh come on. It’s not like I was sitting on my hands or anything, although I was waiting for something to happen. Really, nothing happened and honestly, your bravado is rather rude.
FINE. Go see for YOURSELF.

April was one of the scariest months of my ENTIRE LIFE, although it started and ended with a blessing. I kicked the month off by opening the front section of the New York Times to see a 1937 picture of my long-passed Grandaddy on page A12 (with the crooked hat). This was a HUGE surprise and one that I will never forget… It made me feel individual and incognito all at the same time…. Here was this image of a man that all but a hand-full of us recognized thus giving the paper that day an entire different meaning than anyone in the world expected it to. And while there are pictures of people in newspapers everyday, this was a once in a hundred million lives, lifetime treat.

April was going to be a great month.

It was, however, only a few weeks into the month that Josephine decided to start her attempts of escaping from my belly — one of which found me in the hospital under the guise of false appendicitis. Her Alcatraz-like plan was foiled however, mostly due in part by the numerous prayers that were heard by the powers that be. But she didn’t hesitate to try again and five weeks before her due date, Josephine Dwyer was born. After a quick incubation, she arrived home healthy and happy — that is just as long as you are doing exactly what she wants you to. April was also the month when I read a book by Sammy Hagar (hangs head in shame) in approximately 2.5 hours — an amount of time that I will always regret losing…

The rest of the year has been a bit of a sleepless/timeless/listless haze filled with the closeness of growing and playtimes. There have been moments when I stop, clear my head and listen to the news or something, but for the most part I have been in an 8 month hibernation as a full time Mom. Two kids, as I am discovering, is intense. Beyond the trip that I thought I was signing up for, but also filled with an extraordinary balance and calm. Trying to make time for myself has proved to be near impossible, but when I feel the pull and struggle to do more, I come back around. This time is precious and I’d rather be here, experiencing the lives of my kids…. A pedicure would be nice though.

And, to just sum up the rest of the year, because OMG – I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL READING THIS!
June – …the must in the air was a really choice herb…
July – …SOYLENT GREEN, SOYLENT GREEN…
August – …They don’t hate you…
September – …EVACUATION...
October – …Allergy kids and Lepers having so much in common…
November – …let’s all damn the man by smelling really bad…
And, December, Well. We’re here, aren’t we?

So, while not everything that happened in 2011 contributed to the life-changing handle that I’ve given it, the few things that did happen were quite large. [abundant, ample, barn door, blimp, booming, broad, bulky, capacious, colossal, comprehensive, considerable, copious, enormous, excessive, exorbitant, extensive, extravagant, full, generous, giant, gigantic, goodly, grand, grandiose, great, gross, hefty, huge, humongous, immeasurable, immense, jumbo, liberal, massive, monumental, mountainous, plentiful, populous, roomy, sizable, spacious, stupendous, substantial, super, sweeping, thumping, tidy, vast, voluminous, whopping, wide]. It’s amazing how two tiny people can pack such a punch.

And in ending, Merry Christmas my Friends — Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Bodhi Day, Boxing Day, Hogmanay, Koleda, and Festivus, etc. Happy New Year. I will see you when things are fresh and new, 2012!

That’s the way the holidays start…

And I can hear the song playing off of my parents record player as my Mom, sisters and I made sugar cookies every Christmas — ending with Goodie, Goodie, Yum, Yum, Yum… A not so typical holiday song from the 1950s — and ever so eclectic when being played on vinyl…. (QUICK, click here to taste the yumminess).

In other news, Madonna is playing in the super bowl, Gingrich is AHEAD and Trump is moderating. Anyone else confused?

Time it was!

And don’t you love this image… The strategically placed balloons paralleled with the action and heads turned from the camera… The elements, all of which, making it somewhat OK for me to publish on the internet… Because parents don’t want you to publish images of their kids online.

(photo by Doug Young)

What do you mean that’s not true? I know plenty of parents, including myself that would go so far as nothing short of BLOODY MURDER if I found images of my kids online without my permission. Because anything else is just wrong, and innocence is fleeting. I mean, just look at this picture. INNOCENT. Right? Free, fun, CARELESS. With balloons. I even hesitate, with my finger shaking over the mouse and keyboard when publishing images on Facebook. I mean, WHO KNOWS when that Doogie Howser of a programmer isn’t going to be all  — “Dude I make billions, but DAMN that kid is cute” — and change the privacy terms without telling anyone and OOOPPS.. Next thing you know, my son is the poster child for FacebooKidzzzz — the spinoff of Facebook designed specifically for ages 4-7… Because you know that they know more about the internet than us anyway. With bright colors, Team Oomie Zoomie and that guy from Blue’s Clues. They might even steal the Nick Jr. trademark slogan “Preschool on TV!”, with minor loophole edits, “Preschool on the INTERNET!”… And we as parents can finally relax about school selections — just give him the iPad, log into FBKZZZZ (I totally just copyrighted that) and BOOM! MATH IS FUN! And when I say that guy from Blue’s Clues — I totally mean Steve, the one that left to become a post hairband Metal Rock Star, only to come full circle to Grunge for Nick Jr….. That other dude is just creepy.

And Will’s birthday party was a screaming success. Kids were happy, parents seemed pleased, and Bluedog was unusually indifferent. I was my usual neurotic self, hiding inside the house until the very last second in having to greet people… wanting to climb under the dining room table — but noticing that the spot had already been taken by cookie hoarding children. I bounced from room to room in an attempt to keep small talk to a minimum. And when the candles were blown out we clapped — gifts opened at record speed, and I realized how old FOUR actually is as I watched Will and his friends attempt to beat the shit out of each other with balloons….. laughing all the while. I was rather pleased that Will participated, and didn’t go hang out in the garage during the party as he had threatened to do earlier in the week — and that his sister, upon seeing all of the people was all “I’m TOTES out of here” and napped for practically the entire party. Tears were kept at a minimum, and plenty of sugar high 3-4 year olds left kicking because they hadn’t yet played with Will’s last toy. All in all, SUCCESS. As we brace ourselves for next year….. Forget about Christmas just days away… I’ll be taking that spot under the dining room table now. Thanks.

Remember yesterday….?? Yes. Yesterday — Will’s official 4th birthday? Right? Yes. Yesterday. We should have left it at that, right? YAY — Happy Birthday — here are your presents and DONE. MOVED ON. OVER. But no.

Because weeks ago Will mentioned that he wanted to have a birthday party and that he wanted to invite his entire class. Also, he wanted the few friends he has outside of the school community… as well as his aunts, and grandparents. Because this is WHAT KIDS WANT. And who would we be if we didn’t go ahead and COMPLY? Right? WHAT IF WE SAID NO? Because… in hindsight, and well within the realization that this would have made us the MEANEST PARENTS ALIVE, we should have listened to our inner meanness, done the right thing and said ABSOLUTELY NOT.

But no. This is not what happened. Instead we smiled, said OH REEEAAALLY, rushed to the nearest party store and sent out invitations. Immediately. Look at the brains on us.

Now, today is Wednesday. Which means that I still have two and a half (approximately) days to pull my house together, plan and prepare foods that are loaded with deliciousness AND somehow manage to NOT look like a deranged psychopath. And, I know. It’s a kids party. GET OVER IT. But you see… yesterday something else happened that was totally and completely self inflicted. Like the brainiac I am, I gave Will a set of BATTERY OPERATED LAWN EQUIPMENT toys for his birthday…. YES. That’s right. I willingly gave him POWER GARDEN TOOLS, which he LOVES and has not stopped using since yesterday afternoon. These aren’t just toys, my friends — these could be the real thing, and they MAKE THE BEST noises—WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARGHGHEHGHEGHE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. And, while I was fully prepared to toss him outdoors with the weed whacker, blower, mower and chainsaw — he’s getting over a cold and therefore needs to play with all of them AT THE SAME TIME, inside.

So, while I’m rushing around, with a teething 7 month old that won’t let me put her down — pulling down the curtains that were water stained during the hurricane FOUR MONTHS AGO… WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE is playing in the background, and I’ve found time to sit down and type this with my toes while ordering 2 dozen balloons. Alone, each of these things would be completely within reason. Party. Power tools. TEETH. But together, the combination is resulting in treachery, and only HOURS OF DAYS to go until 12-15 kids and their (lovely, mind you) parents, as well as assorted others come over to hang out for an hour and a half. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT IS? And knowing me. ME. I’m damn near set straight to have this be an all out BLOW YOUR HAIR BACK kids party. I even bought 15 Slinkies for the gift bags. WHO DOES THAT?

The same one that bought the 4 year old his very own set of power tools, apparently.