Guest Bird #1 – Amanda

My name is Amanda. I live in San Francisco and write a blog called Brilliant Sulk. I don’t make a penny writing. I wish I did. So I’m forced to earn a living as a personal chef. In my spare time I like to eat cereal, take photographs and dream about moving to Paris. Someday I will.

So here I am. Writing a guest post on this marvelous blog. Why? Well, Ryan asked me because she was in a bit of a bind. Something about a monkey, a few dozen bagels and a cheap flight to Bangkok. I couldn’t quite understand her email. It was littered with exclamation points. !!!!!!! Plus she promised me a year’s subscription to the sauerkraut of the month club. How can a girl resist that?

I happily accepted. She said I could write about anything. Uh oh. She’s so screwed.

I started to think about it and realized I’d have to come up with an actual idea. Unlike my blog, where just about anything goes. This is someone else’s blog.

Should I write about San Francisco? Should I write about the time I hosted a Halloween party, drank five consecutive shots of Goldschlager and ended up on my bedroom floor naked, throwing up. All while I still had guests in the living room? Should I write about how most days I feel that I’m failing miserably as a parent? (Yes, even lunatics can have children) Or how about the fact that I HATE bra shopping and I’ve been wearing the same two bras for three years? Uh. No. Not quite good enough for this blog.

You see, I’m a bit of a procrastinator. A very busy procrastinator. I have two daughters so I’m usually making sure their bowls of water are filled to the brim and their favorite dinner (foie gras jellybean terrine) is on the table by six. But more importantly, I must make sure my husband’s “Ghost Hunters” t-shirts are ironed for the next day at the office.

So I thought it would be best to make a list of potential blog post ideas and narrow them down.

Topics I would not write about:

• The amount of wine I consume in a month’s time
• Math
• How after I gave birth to my first daughter I couldn’t walk for a month because I had so many stitches holding my vagina together
• The proper way to give a one eyed stranger a bubble bath

Topics that might appeal to Ryan’s readers:

• How to choose the right nudist colony for you and your family
• Why as an American I believe I should have the right to make a burrito, text, talk on the phone, color my hair and clean my gun while I drive my Hummer
• Why I allow my children to go out in public wearing their underwear as stylish headwear
• Uh oh. Time’s up? Crap. See? I can’t get anything done.

Oh boy Ryan, aren’t you glad you asked ME to guest post?