January 2010 Archives

Okay. So today is Wednesday January 27, 2010. I know I ranted a few days ago about things all changing at once but this is ridiculous although I’m feeling less stressed because I think its finally sunk  into my stubborn-never-do-anything-different-or-modify-things-in-an-way-shape-or-form head that nothing is the same, and that’s okay. Can anyone out there tell me if something has caused this? Some MOON thing or the tides – or is this the year of the chicken or duck or something? Because it seems like a lifetime ago that things were normal and it’s only been a few weeks. And if I could just get an hour at the keyboard to myself then I might be able to retain my sanity because there are four days left in this FORSAKEN MONTH and what else could possibly happen? Because I knew that things would change… but all in a span of four weeks? Here is the run down and I apologize for the repetition:

1. I stopped eating dairy and eggs. I thought I’d try this because Will can’t eat dairy or eggs and I wanted to see what would happen. Well, its not that bad, but with the unexpected super fast loss of 5 pounds, one has to worry about what I’ve done to my body thus far AND none of my clothes fit me — I’m wearing a bag right now… with a nice belt.
2. The 5 pound loss could also be attributed to the change in dinner routine where we actually sit down by FIVE THIRTY PM as a family to eat instead of waiting for Will to go to bed and then make dinner by  – oh 10:00.
3. We started working on THE HOUSE. Which is great but now I’m obsessed with decor and finding it hard to concentrate on most other things including WORK.
4. Not concentrating on work is okay since I am a killer procrastinator and started another blog AND was just relieved of my office lease– which I had another 6 months on. So now I can run free through the meadow in my bag and nice belt, finally CLOSE THE COMPANY and become an Independent Creative Consultant (again).
5. Closing the company is actually a huge relief because its been the bane of my existence since co-founding it with that boob half-wit of an ex-business partner. Then there were those people at that magazine which made life just so unnecessarily annoying. Then there were all those other clients that couldn’t/wouldn’t pay for requested work and others that stole design ideas and found cheaper firms to produce. And then let us not forget the disgruntled employees, disappearing programmers and the freelancers that borrowed things from the office. I did, however, have the opportunity to work on amazing projects with a few amazing people — but once the economy stopped cooperating and throwing money at us, the daily stress of operation was overwhelming.
6. Being an Independent (again) is also a good thing because the nap that moved from the morning to afternoon two weeks ago is now OVER. As I just now say “go lay down” again to the head peeking around the corner as I type this as fast as possible. Because this morning he jumped out of his crib at 6 am. It scared all of us but I got him to lay down again — only to have him acrobatically leap out again with the grace of a gazelle and land on his feet less than five minutes later. And, after modifying his crib so that he won’t break his neck, nap time has turned into a game of “see how many times Mom will tell me to go lay down before she admits that this isn’t working and the nap is over”. Bedtime will be interesting.
7. I suppose this game of not napping isn’t as bad as the DON’T SAY THAT game where he says “f’ing idiot” and I say “DON’T say that” which only results in him saying it like 18 more times with a huge smile on his face. I’m so looking forward to him starting preschool next week so that he can play this with a complete stranger that won’t judge me AT ALL. Then there’s the whole potty thing which he decided he wanted to try. Damn this PARENT THING IS HARD. And now he’s in the hallway rocking chair singing it with pride.

So, given that there are four more days of January, and my sanity is being held up by a thin strand of the ability to laugh at myself in humbling situations. I can only look forward to February where the seas will part, money floweth free and the sanctity of WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NEXT will remain a game  of “Go Lay Down”. Right?

I was leaving the grocery store today when a fleet of angry carts rolled through the parking lot and launched an attack. It was raining and super windy and who knows why they selected me — seeing how I parked my misanthropic beast of an SUV a million miles from the store. Regardless, they rolled with fury and as I lifted Will into his car seat I stepped right into a massive puddle… I could feel them pressing their metal up against my back so after locking the boy in place I turned and glared for them to retreat… My feet soaking in grocery store parking lot muck — they taunted me by spinning their wheels so I yelled – - I KNOW! I KNOW I NEVER THANKED MY READERS FOR ALL THE LOVE! And, having admitted this, they started to back-off… while I, in turn, wet–cold and defeated, drove out of the parking lot in ultimate stealth mode… only to catch them eyeing my exit. 

And it is with great pleasure that I thank the following for recognizing me and all of my aimless internet babble:

Dufmanno: Thank you for the “I Heart Your Blog” award. I’ll meet you in 1986 where we can shimmy to Two of Hearts in all of our Stacey Q glory. Then we can play The Police’s “MOTHER” backwards and find the real meaning behind the reason… in the dark. 

Lagunatic: Thank you for the “Honest Scrap” award. I’ll meet you at Easter with a basket of chocolate eggs. Because chicken embryos are off limits. Sistah. Then we can bore ourselves to death by thanking each other over and over again until we get angry and have a cat fight because we were being all too polite to begin with.

and…

Dear Vapid: Thank you for the “I Heart Your Blog” award. Honestly, when we meet I hope that we don’t worry others around us too much with endless obscenities and giggling. Nonstop spasmodic giggling. I’m giggling right now. And you are too. Stop. STOP. At least we will be wearing capes.

So that’s it for now. And now I’m weepy from the love. Did I mention that I love you? ALL of you? Even the ones out there that completely ignore me. And then read my blog. The ones that send me mean emails. And then read my blog. The ones that get super annoyed with me on an almost daily basis. And then read my blog… and then read my other blog. blog blog blog blog.

It all used to be so easy… if I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t. If I wanted to go, sometimes I still wouldn’t. I guess that’s the problem with being a pseudo-introvert… That writes a very public account of everything–hypocrisy is SO much fun.

But today is Saturday, so no one is reading this, right? I can just sneak this in and whisper softly… because nothing has changed.

And I’m just using this visual because Sting called me and told me to write about my insecurity issues.

It remains the same.. if I have a meeting, I wait until the very last second thinking about how much I don’t want to go even though it will be painless and probably result in good things… How I am invited to parties and events and asked to be in on important causes… and I don’t participate and/or attend even though I want to and plan on it. How I am rather well connected but refuse to admit it. It isn’t unlike 13 years ago (dear god!) in college when I adopted the mantra of “Just Don’t Go” and would suggest it to friends… like it was THAT easy. You don’t want to go, so don’t. It was all very freeing and simple… Just Don’t Go. I remember thinking it when I was about to walk down the aisle… when I went into labor with Will, when all of the great things that have happened to me occurred… And look at me now.. I am already climbing over the fence… Running away… Hiding under my dining room table… In other words, I just bought my tickets to Blogher 2010, which is in August. And the fact that I just spent actual dollars might be the only thing that pushes me through the door. That and the idea of meeting some of you… FACE TO FACE. EYES TO EYES. So… if you are going… and you happen to glance out windows of the NYC Hilton and you see someone outside pasted up against the glass –  just leave me there and note that I went, but I didn’t at the same time. Let the games begin. 

While folding laundry last night, in my pajamas at 7:30pm, the phone rang – it was Amy’s Carpet Cleaners wanting to know if they could come over and steam my carpets…

Ordinarily my response would have cut them off at hello and snapped “TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALLER LIST” but I wasn’t feeling quite like myself so I listened to his shpeal and then politely said, thank you but we don’t have any carpets. He said oh, okay thanks good bye. I felt a little dizzy and hung up the phone when an overwhelming sense of calm poured over me. Almost like none of it matters anyway so why are you so stressed out? And then it hit me — that wasn’t the Amy’s Carpet Guy – that was REALITY calling. The Amy’s Carpet Guy was really a supreme being that felt my vibrations of WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and decided to soar in before possible disaster. Because aside from all things career not happening — everything else is. Since New Year’s day a mountain of STUFF found our little lives and thought – hey, yeah, cool. And of course, most of it we’ve done to ourselves – the house, the blogs, the diet changes, the routine change of eating dinner with Will at 5:30 instead of boozing until 10 and ordering pizza.. well, not quite boozing — but do you know how fast time flies between 6 & 10 PM? For the first 2 years of Will’s life we’ve been so happy that he goes to bed successfully by 7:30 that we’ve partied like rock stars for a few hours after… But that isn’t all. Will decided, with the event of the New Year, to stop napping in the mornings and, instead wait until after lunch… which is totally fine except that now I have to get everything done errand and house wise with him before noon — which means that I have to go out. Which means that PEOPLE WILL SEE ME in the morning… which means that now I have to think about that the pile of clothes on my closet floor first thing in the morning instead of around lunch time.

But I can’t even go into the torture of what does this all MEAN?!?! Not to mention that the word “shpeal” is in the Urban Dictionary and is defined – someone’s repeated talk jabber. mainly BS…. Which insists that the Amy’s Carpet Guy was just some guy at a phone center trying to make an extra buck since cigarettes apparently cost $9.00 a pack. And then there’s real life out there making me feel bad every time I look up – whining about routine changes and dirty clothes when real disasters ARE REALLY HAPPENING and all I want to do is watch the Food Network so thank goodness Bobby Flay decided to kick some ass and put it back on Cablevision. Can you imagine how mad he gets?

In short, because you know this has to end eventually, the earth might be on this whole rotation thing around the sun because it’s used to spinning on an axis in the atmosphere… but just wait until it decides to start bouncing up and down instead… because it just MIGHT.

… And then I’m in my elementary school stair well panicked because I am realizing that I have never been to a class that is now on my schedule which means that I will probably fail. And of course my feet are stuck to the ground even though I can see the classroom at the top of the stairs and it appears chaotic. But I’m really 16 years old and this is a high school history course being taught by one of my college professors who, in real life, would hang out with us in bars. But isn’t this real life? I suddenly realize that the stairs have turned to nothingness and I’m standing on one stair that is suspended in mid-air and if I move I will most certainly fall to my death. Looking down I see our basement as I glance at the course schedule that is still in my hand. Balance. What was it that I forgot to do? And then there was the ringing — a familiar ring similar to my iphone although Kate recently changed my ringtone. And there it is again. And again. And then I wake up.

So…while I was busy planning our spring garden, taking on a huge house renovation, designing a logo for a new Southampton shopping center, chasing after the two year old, buying dog food, making dinner, doing laundry and hiding from reality — I finally took the initiative and started another blog. Because, you know – I needed something else to keep myself busy. I needed just ONE MORE THING to over complicate the fact that all of my clothes are on my closet floor – and I don’t care. One more task to add to the list — right next to finding my inner light and saving the world. You know…

Because here’s the thing. I can’t stop.

http://willskitchen.com

I freaked a few people out yesterday — check out Dufmanno’s comment:

“Okay, that looks like the Native American Dorian Grey. Did this trip
involve a visit from the guys from Paranormal State, a cleansing ritual
and a mess of people apologizing for the colonization of the Americas?
I am worried for you and the family.”

The answer is no, she’s just a Native American that someone painted on the wall… you know, that urge to paint women randomly on bedroom walls… right? Although I did ask out loud about how many ghosts we were waking up… I was immediately told to stop acting weird.

A few years ago my husband and I came upon the rare opportunity to purchase a house that has been in his family since 1913. And when I say “been in his family” that’s what I mean because no one outside of the family has ever lived in it. Built by the Great Grandfather himself, and cared for by family and neighbors just STEEPED in tradition and history. So much so that I almost needed a spiritual reckoning before stepping foot over the town lines. These were and are amazing people filled with such goodness that you wonder just what is in the water… then they compliment you and do something else nice and you realize that it must be the soil… Then the snow melts and the flowers pop and smile… Even the rain is happy. It took me a long time to realize that these were really genuinely nice people — they didn’t want anything from me… They weren’t out to get me. In fact, if you can believe this, it was actually ME that was the weirdo with that sarcasm and pocket full of kryptonite… who knew?

So anyway. A few years ago my husband and I came upon this opportunity and we took it. We bought Pop’s house after he passed away. We bought it with the intentions of fixing it up and renting it out and then of course using it over holidays–AND we did this despite the fact that we live 4 hours away from it… And then it sat. We thought about it a few times over the years… paid it a few visits… even rented it out to those that didn’t mind it’s condition. It sat there waiting for us… settling into being the house that SOMETHING was eventually going to happen to. Life took over… until last Monday (one week ago) we decided to do something about it…This is just the beginning… we have tons of work to do.
  

Well… we realized last Monday that it was January and that we haven’t been on a vacation in over 3 years. Yes. 3 years… So, without hesitation and/or thought, we decided to leave the kid to fend for himself and went here:

Just kidding. We could never get through security without the kid.

Again, just kidding.
And I know – NOT FUNNY. But thank you for asking… especially my Twitter friends that cuddled me through our ordeal. Because… you see, we didn’t go there. Oh no. We did not. Instead, we went here:

Where there was this:

And this is just a teaser because I just returned and my mind is still numb from the experience. Jealous much? I think SO!