Seriously.
I need big ones.
(less than 5 miles from my house)Because last night I went to my very first TOWN meeting, and all I can say is that I wish I had some balls. Seriously. And I have to capitalize TOWN in this instance because after listening to the rants of baffonery, my eyelids are permanently peeled back and my jaw is unattractively dragging on the floor. Of course, it didn’t help that I drowned myself in the biggest wine glass I could find after the TOWN meeting — but we are now just 5 hours shy of 24 hours ago and the overwhelming feeling of ickiness has yet to subside. So.. just what was I thinking? I mean. WHO DO I THINK I AM? Well, to start with, I am a resident of the TOWN of Southampton as well as a former small business owner. I am also a human being that likes to do silly things like… eat food, feed my family, and — on occasion, wear clothes. Unfortunately, living in Southampton TOWN also means that all of the silly little things that we like to do usually require leaving the TOWN to be accomplished. Because we are normal. We are average. We work really hard for the money and things that we have and therefore don’t have the luxury of buying all of our clothes at Saks or overpriced boutiques. Instead, we invite really wealthy people to come here to do that. In the TOWN that we live in. The TOWN that is our homebase… while we leave the TOWN to go to places like most of the country already has downtown. Places like price clubs… Old Navy… STOP-N-SHOP. And so, when I was told about a lovely new development plan for the location pictured above… One that will house a new grocery store and several retail chains… I took the giant bubble maker from the child and started running wildly around the yard chanting… SOMEBODY CARES, SOMEBODY CARES… only to end up sprawled on the grass staring DIRECTLY at the sun.
But then, as the dictionary defines typical, a complete and total anti committee was formed resulting in last night’s meeting. I wanted to go and tell them all about how expensive it is to live here… as if they don’t already know… I wanted to stand up for the developer and say HEY THIS IS GOOD. I wanted to say, this is MY DEVELOPMENT! GO AWAY. There were some valid concerns, traffic and residential issues… but when the character attacks started my ears began to ring… And then I was all done. Frozen solid into a impenetrable block of ice… which, interestingly enough, was defying all laws of science considering the amount of sweat I was starting to produce. This was being televised. And hey… these people were being REALLY MEAN. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to stand up in front of these 100+ REALLY ANGRY ANTIS and say… “Like, yeah, I Tooootally need to shop”… I imagined myself strutting.. how was I going to walk without legs? And then I heard myself talking… leaning into the microphone, “balls” was all that came out. I started to become one with the folding chair… I sunk down low. Then someone passed me the petition and I voted YES — signing my name… as it was ripped from my hands by an ANTI I thought… why do they need my name… and then they passed it on among each other… all noting who had voted yes… They knew. THEY KNEW IT WAS ME. And when the ring leader stepped to the podium to ask if anyone had anything POSITIVE to say, I fell hands and knees to the floor and crawled out of the room. Completely silent and without any sign of balls.
But this isn’t the end. I mean not really. This was the first of several TOWN meetings that I plan to attend in the hopes that my voice will eventually leave my brain and land somewhere meaningful. Let’s just hope that I can find the skill of public speaking while being right about everything all the time so that everyone does exactly what I tell them to. Right? Because I need this AND SO DO YOU. And all those REALLY MEAN ANTIS who were glaring at me in an attempt to burn a hole somewhere to pour the brainwash in… just give me a few days to grow a pair so big that you’ll NEVER see me coming.
Ok, I TOTALLY relate to what you went through. You definitely were out numbered. THAT was your problem. Victory comes in numbers. Find others that feel the same way you do! The last thing you need is to stand up in front of 100+ antis, spew your views, then have them yell, scream, criticize, bash, and taunt you that you don’t know what your talking about, that you’re a eco hater and that you promote global warming (you KNOW they’ll bring THAT up!).Start your own coalition!
I hate meetings.ANY kind of meetings.This is what I hear “blah, blah, blah, blah”.I once attended a round of screaming matches that took up two weeks over the proposal that an empty green space between streets should be a dog park. It went like this.DOG PARK!PLAYGROUND!NO, DOG PARK!FUCK YOU! IT SHOULD BE A PLAYGROUND!WE LOVE OUR DOGS, YOU BREEDERS FILL THE EARTH WITH YOUR SNOTTY KIDS!YOUR DOGS SHIT ON OUR SIDEWALKS AND OUR KIDS STEP IN IT. THEN WE HAVE TO SPEND AN HOUR WITH A WIRE BRUSH AND SOAP!DOG PARK!PLAYGROUND!Fade to scene of me looking perplexed and fiddling with my hair refusing to admit that I had a dog or a child.
You could prepare an interpretive dance to communicate your opinion on the matter…I’ll even come accompany you on kazoo if that helps.
I feel your pain. Public speaking is the bane of my existence and those town hall types can be real assholes!At a local meeting I had to attend to it was at one time suggested I read a letter to the selectmen out loud…OUT LOUD! *snort*NO. WAY.
I don’t blame you for not standing up and saying anything. When grown adults start name calling and throwing tantrums I tend to clam up in horror and total bewilderment as well. Good luck at the next one! And screw the aniti’s, they sound like a bunch of commie elitists.
wish i could get you a strap-on set. i know how you feel because i just wilt when it comes to public speaking and/or judgement. which is a shame because i have passionate and compelling arguments for certain things but it all just comes out of my mouth like a disgusting 3/4-eaten taco dip. meanwhile the typical spotlight stealers tend to have nothing substantial to say, they just have the confidence to command attention and convince people that what they’re saying is all that and a bag a chips. it’s not.here’s hoping you find your voice when it really counts!
I’ve had to do a lot of public speaking, you know what you want to say, you know why you want to say it and you know it needs to be said. Write it down before the next meeting. Resolve(one glass of wine usually increases personal reserves) to speak before you attend and if you do have some others who feel the same as you, let them know their support at the meeting would be greatly appreciated. Comfort in numbers. Comfort+wine+pre-written statement+Elly on the kazoo=balls!!! You go girl!
Maybe I will start my own thing… I didn’t go unnoticed, unfortunately.. an anti stopped me yesterday at a local market asking me to change my “position”. I wanted to ask them if standing on my head would be more to their liking, but lacked the balls to do so.
I refuse to admit that I have a dog or a child all the time. But I still want a grocery store…
again with the Brilliance. We should add in some glitter blowing so that the antis will have me stuck to them for days…
And this wasn’t even a town hall. this was some jumpstart committee that pulled itself out of bed and realized that its 2010.
mmmm, taco dip and a bag of chips. mmmm… you won’t catch me reading between the lines…
Thanks! I’ve stared looking for my numbers… not having much luck yet… maybe I should offer to buy the wine and up it to two drinks per agreeie. I never thought to write anything down.. of course I had no idea what I was up against either…
The problem with coming late to the support group meeting here is that all the clever things have been said (I HATE coming after Elly. LOL) and then I am left with:You go girl! At least you showed up to be counted!I have a degree in theatre and have acted quite a few times yet I have trouble doing impromptu speaking. I dread it. I can’t even leave a voicemail. The others have given you actionable advice (I do like the interpretive dance idea a lot!), I am here to offer moral support!
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