Because you need to know. A few weeks ago I was able to insert the "Mom takes a shower in the morning" item back into our regularly scheduled program. It has been amazing. The kids get up, fed, dressed and then I slip away into the shower for a quick hair wash before taking child #1 to school. I would go into details on how life changing this has been, but I don't want to bore you. Especially when you could be paying more attention to Lance and his mighty Armstrong. Right? I mean JUST when you thought it was okay to stop looking at him, he's all like WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME and decides to do something about it. Even if it means humiliating himself -- DESPITE the fact that the only people that really care are all members of the same obscure bike riding world. I mean, he has already ruined his life... And while I can appreciate feeling better about yourself having waited until the right narcissistic batrillionaire calls you up for an interview (in an effort to save a failing network), telling the truth may have just melted the thin ice. And you know, things don't have to be so hard. Granted, he never should have lied or engaged in his bicycling bully tactics, OR broken up with Sheryl Crow, but maybe... just maybe if he hadn't taken things for granted -- you know, like beating CANCER, he wouldn't be such a douche bag. I bet he gets to shower whenever he wants, and all of that might change. Oh what a world.
A few days after instigating the new shower law, I was just drying off when Will approached. He was on the phone (the real phone) and looked perplexed. He quickly scurried away when I inquired about the situation and so I followed to find his sister standing on her toy box holding that little card that makes the cable box function. The television, which resides above said toy box wasn't on as I had left it. If you are part of this century, you might be just as foolish as we are and have your phone line running through the cable modem in your house. The phone had rung while I was blatantly ignoring my children (as I am now) by enjoying the wonders of water falling on my head. It was my sister calling, and after Will said Hello, the next thing she heard was "Jo, I don't think you should be doing that" just as everything disconnected. Panic ensues in Manhattan after several immediate tries to call us back.... Meanwhile, I was carefully coaxing the extreme sports mountain climber off of the ledge while replacing the (why does this control everything?) card to the cable box... when it hit me. I was naked. In broad daylight. In the middle of my house, in front of my children, NAKED.... with wet uncombed hair—Looking like ohmygawd I DON'T KNOW. As Will was quick to point out "Mom, you're naked." And the phone was ringing. The next thing I needed was for someone to come to the door, which they didn't, but the guys that cut our hedge were right outside and the curtains were open. Minor details that I grasped within the split seconds I took running back into the comfort of my bedroom. I thought back eons ago to when friends and I were laying on a topless beach in on the Island of Elba. I think I lasted about 2 minutes before a stranger and I talked about how weird it was to be topless—resulting in my immediately putting my top back on. A few minutes later I called my sister back telling her about the nakedness, calming the fires. So much for the morning shower.
But, since you need to know, that was only one incident, and the showers have continued. Now, I know that in the 5 minutes when I leave the almost 2 year old and 5 year old to their own may result in crisis unimaginable (they usually hang out in the bathroom anyway). Showering will commence DESPITE any naked situations I may find myself in. Naked. I feel that my confession is clean. Nope. No hiding the bottom lip here. Because you needed to know.
