I think I'm over it... but yet again, I don't know. And, I know. I never thought I would see myself ending this little corner of the internet. But things have changed and there are a number of reasons why I feel the end barreling towards me.
1. I don't have very much to say lately, and while bloggers have come and gone, I feel really guilty about neglecting this website. Why? I have no idea, and at the risk of sounding like the 5 year old, it's all kind of stupid. STUPID to feel like I should have something to say. I just don't think I want to say anything anymore... and not in a depressing way -- more like I should just stop. But then again, maybe I shouldn't.
2. The bloggers that I once enjoyed and even envied as "successful" internet reality shows are slowly self-destructing, it seems. I've never shared "too much". They did. It brought them internet fame, which I don't think I ever really wanted -- although they were making money. Lots of it. But then the Great and Powerful Oz stepped out from behind the curtain and he was a short little man with goofy hair. Bad things are happening. Their kids don't want their naked-bath-butts shoved down the throats of readers and skimmers alike. They aren't blogging very much anymore, and when they do, they aren't sharing anything about their crumbling situations... They've mentioned the bad-times and then stated that they aren't going to talk about it. This is after sharing everything. EVERYTHING. Which is bad. Sharing is bad. BAD. This worries me because I don't want to be clomped in with a mesh of stinky has-beens that are now clinging to the cliffs of insanity... Talking about recipes, dogs and horrible outfits whilst gritting their teeth in a fake perma-grin. And yes, that was harsh. Very harsh. I would worry about hurting their feelings, but the last thing they are doing is reading the blogs of others, so... I'm not too concerned. Although, just by publishing this post I am opening up the Pandora on all things MENTAL HEALTH. Which is not a joke. I don't think it is. GET HEALTHY. TAKE DRUGS. I implore you. KICK THE BASTARD OUT. SITTING DUCK SITTING DUCK. Things happen. On and off the internet. But how genuine and good were things really... On this very exact same note, I know and adore, several other bloggers that have gained strength from blogging and have made decisions in their lives that include monumental life changes and they are in a better place because of it. They, by the way, have stopped blogging. SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
3. I'm working. I've been working very hard on a few things that have refocused and sharpened my senses. Yes, The Big Idea is a huge part of this, but I'm not going to blame the mental love child on my blogging disorder syndrome. Suddenly I have something that I can't stop thinking about... which again, makes me feel guilty about this site and it's constant and oddly, languishing pull. The Big Idea has focused me in a way that I wasn't expecting... Kind of like just WHAT the hell do I think I've been doing for the past 5 years?!? (aside from having 2 babies).
4. This website is physically broken. And no. I'm not going to tell you how or where... but basically, the bra is a little too tight in the back and the straps are falling off. I need a programmer to get into the nuts and bolts to fix everything... and while I have a programmer, the last thing I want to do is call him up and whine about my broken blog. It's kind of like when I beg the pediatrician for antibiotics and they send me away with my hacking, flesh falling off child and they say everything is fine. Who cares that his ear is where his eye should be and the younger one is licking the floor. Look away, everything is fine. Right? Everything is fine. Which should pretty much lay the law on how much I love this website right now.
And these reasons haven't just appeared. For example, I was having lunch earlier this week with a lovely soon-to-be-former-blogger and we were talking about the state of the blogosphere... She, in all seriousness mentioned that they had served her way too much steak and then joked that, had she still been blogging regularly, she would have taken a picture and written a post about it. It was then that we looked at each other, drank heavy gulps of our alcohol and both exclaimed "WHO CARES". Because, really. It was later in this lunch that she found a rather disturbing hair amidst her almost completed meal, which would have made for a much more entertaining post because before being comped our waitress agreed that it hadn't come from any of our heads. We could have written long drawn out posts that would have gone over our discussions on blogging and hair in food and numb waitresses. But I don't have to because I just TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT IT. Which is great. I mean really. What did you do today? I bet that you didn't tell THAT STORY....
All of these things are making me feel a little on edge. Chance are I'm just going to chalk it all up (not down) to a big fit of over-thinking and say whatever, MOVE-ON. Something interesting might happen in the next ten minutes and I'll regret ever calling them stinky. Or has-beens. Although the cliffs of insanity do look rather delicious. Maybe they have room for me to hang off a broken branch or something.. a rock ledge or abandoned eagle nest. Someplace where I can talk about headbands and cat-clothes. See! I knew the brainstorming would lead to SOMETHING! Move along people, nothing to see here.....
As you were.