Lately...

So glad we've almost made it, So sad they had to fade it...

Everybody wants to rule the world...

I have a few plans for ruling the world. None of them have very much to do with the actual world... but they do rule... nonetheless. First of all, no more politics.... and before you go and get all sweaty and red faced (ew) just chill out. In this new plan of a regime... we won't have time to talk politics, much less -- do politics. Politics are all who said what and didn't do what they said they did when in reference they were just passing by the idea of the truth on the way to the next topic. And although I could tell the world what I really think about the recent election and all the things that may be inferred by suggesting that we might be better off starting all over again -- you know, before George Washington was "elected", I really don't feel like cowering in a corner... hiding from people that think I might be strange for obsessively smelling my hair. And I know.... gross.

Because ruling the world needs to start with a serious makeover. Killing each other with kindness at every at bat... and although this is way off topic -- wasn't Martha Plimpton's rendition of God Bless America during the World Series refreshing? I mean -- WHO KNEW? Martha also happens to pop up in most, if not all of my favorite movies... and if this post wasn't about running the world.. it might be about my crush on pretty much anyone named Martha... because CLEARLY, women named RYAN have some catching up to do. Which once again takes us full circle on this post that smells almost as obscure as my last few posts... but not nearly as suspicious as my hair (that's enough).

The point here, people (that I love), is that ruling the world needs to start with calming down and shutting up. Much like those (ahem) that need to talk and explain and theorize... and make the point again... you'd be much louder if you just sat quietly. And I know, that doesn't make any sense... but the next time you're approached with rabid groups of people that want something... just stop and stare back... don't say anything. Right before they tear you limb from limb, you might have the opportunity to slip in a quiet "I'll see what I can do," and they might just have a little more respect for you. Either that or you could insist on the witness protection plan... which according to the recent conviction of a noted mobster, can result in time served for murdering 11 people. When we rule the world, trials like this will be held in candy houses where the sugar will make people think straight.

I know. Ruling the world can't be easy. One has to take into consideration EVERYTHING that comes up with EVERYONE. You have to be nice... while being mean... Be loved while authoritative... Seems like a big hassle, especially when you are NEVER going to succeed in making everyone happy. That is until you also figure in all of the people hanging around to do things for you... then the plan becomes much more simple... doable almost. When  I rule the world...  enemies will be afraid.. friends will be close at hand... strangers will mind their own business... and when I get emails from associates saying "you've been so quiet lately that I know you must be up to something big", the sender will know that statements like this should be saved for later.... after the tootsie roll pops have worn off.  Because, although I might not be running around these days all "HEY WHAT'S UP GUYS" it doesn't mean that I'm not laying out the next plan to save the universe... in my new office dwellings... that happen to be underground. It doesn't mean that I've thrown in the towel.. all woe is me and sob sob its all so unfair... No no. Things are looking up in this semi frost burnt pasture... big things, people (that I love), big things.

I would tell you more. But in keeping with the other great rulers of the world... your immediate disappearance may not be appreciated by my growing number of followers that are also sitting on the edge of their seats. Until the plans become more defined, or until my eyse become uncrossed -- or whichever happens before the other, let's just listen to the other real Martha....

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