Recently in For the Birds Category

And here we are. A new year.

Fresh. New. Untouched. Unaffected. And oddly — feeling almost exactly like it did last year.

But that’s not reason to worry. Feeling the same as it did less than a week ago isn’t a bad thing, right? We aren’t supposed to run around changing EVERYTHING immediately, right? I mean… I suppose there are freaks people out there that say “I’M CHANGING, DAMMIT” and then, BOOM, everything is different. There’s nothing seemingly wrong with taking our time. Deciding that we want to do something, think about it… patiently… toil over the details while moving in slow motion. Quietly making the necessary adjustments before we LEAP FORWARD into new things. And I know you were picturing a graceful gazelle just now as I said ‘LEAP FORWARD’… because we are talking about the visions in my mind — and you need to see things as I’m seeing them if we are going to embark on anything together — and in no way am I referencing a leap “year”. Because I don’t think I could handle losing one entire day in 2012. No. No empty, invisible, take-away days — because this is going to be the YEAR OF ME. And you’re coming too.

I’m thinking about making some changes, and since these are life long — they do NOT fall into the evil and ever-failing RESOLUTIONS category. And — I’m not just talking about the small stuff, like this is the last Coca Cola I will EVER drink. No. I’m talking about things that would normally fall on a “Life List”, which is something that I have mentioned in “They’re safe easy to clean and do not cause unpleasant buffeting”, (those were the days)… I’m talking about speeding up the process and, for almost the first time ever, TAKING MYSELF SERIOUSLY. Like — No more soda really means NO MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE ANYTHING…. And, while we’re at it, LEARN TO WINDSURF. But there really isn’t a rhyme or reason to any of this. AND I’m going big, at least for me. Way beyond the Ten Its. My attempts to formulate a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next 40-50 years (if I’m lucky) ranges from the absurd — Sleep through the night… to the mundane — Put Christmas away… to the balls out impossible — DO SOMETHING BIGger than before (I’m open for suggestions). So, I’m speeding it up and giving myself 365 days — although I’ve already lost 4 in the planning stage. So, starting NOW. Okay. After I finish this coke.

And I know. YEAR OF ME, sounds kind of selfish and completely unoriginal. And I totally agree. I completely ripped the idea off from The Summer of George on a Seinfeld rerun the other night. Only — as we all know, the Summer of George was a failed endeavor which saw Mr. Costanza in rehabilitation to regain his ability to walk. I know. NOT FUNNY. But it totally was. Even after watching it for the 40,000th time. His only mistake was that he attempted to do it all alone. Of which, I would never do. Because, yes. I love you too.

And so… as I need to get going on a few things. I am starting the list right now. Please note that this list will change — grow and hopefully shrink with cross-outs as I SUCCEED AT EVERYTHING I TRY. Also, please note that from the boring to the laugh your ass off NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN items all fall in no particular order. Because, that, my friends is life.

• Read all the books in my house before buying new ones
• Quit High Fructose Everything
• Breathe while eating and enjoy every bite
• Walks
• Share a picture everyday
• Teach Will to read
• Teach Jo to walk AND talk
• Not so much spending
• Learn to Windsurf
• Redesign this Blog
• Travel with the Kids
• Relearn CPR
• More NYC
• Go fishing
• Will’s Kitchen, the book
• Bronx Zoo
• Write a Screenplay
• Find the right babysitter (and hire her/him)
• Find my Medium
• Garden. For real.
• Go to the Openings
• Turn conversational Spanish into fluent
• Make edible egg free pasta
• Meet Martha
• Get Jo to sleep in her own bed
• Take more pictures
• Find the right, regular, paying gig

I’m alone currently. No really — Mr. Sal is in the city and both of my children are apparently sleeping. I say apparently because, really — who knows. And when my husband complained about having to spend the evening among adults at some fabulous dinner for business, I imagined myself inhaling a self-rolled ciggy, exhaling while speaking in a British accent “I cannot imagine anything more exhilarating (emphasis on the ‘EXXXHHHHIL‘) than a trip to the city”…. which is a scene that I totally ripped from the Virginia Wolf thriller of a movie, The Hours…. Starring Nicole Kidman…. Regarding several decades of women that seem to be going through unbelievable bouts of self-exploration… which is a nicer way of saying ‘depression’. And, although I am not depressed, or anywhere near the idea of going through a ’bout’ of anything — I do have to say that it’s getting harder and harder for me to remember what it was like to not have kids. To be able to just go. Just decide to do something and then do it….ALONE. ALOOOONE… And, considering this is the second time I’ve been alone in 2011, and most likely the last — what better time to run wild with abandon and go — GO — on 2011. On the other hand, it may have been a mistake to leave me alone, and this glass of wine is delicious…. I’ll wait until morning before I publish this.

Because 2011,
CHANGED MY LIFE.
AGAIN.
(sorry, that was loud. and this post is rather long.)

In 2011, we had a 2nd baby. We had a 2nd baby just when the first baby, now 4 years old, seemed well on his way to independence. And when I think about the dramatic and early entrance that Josephine made into our lives, paired with her current ability to get pretty much anything she wants — at 7.5 months old, it’s hard not to predict that we are in it for a lifetime. And again, NOT TO WORRY, when I say ‘in it’, I am of course referring to the bliss and unbridled happiness that comes with being Josephine’s Mom. The smiles. The heart-melting coos and squeals that make up for the refusal to sleep in her own bed. Or how she spits the baby food back out at you and then laughs at your reaction. But that’s okay, as you wipe the spring vegetable surprise from your face, just LOOK at how cute she is covered in puree…. and whatever, you can just forget about your hair — you aren’t going anywhere anyway.

But I know, having just done this for the past 4 years. This time is fleeting. It really is hard to believe that she’s 7.5 months old and that Will just completed his first semester of preschool. I mean… remember back when he was two and he quit napping and I thought my life was over? I mean… it really was over, but the realization was astounding… WHAT DO YOU MEAN I don’t have time to myself anymore? That I had to put my design ‘career’ (I know, don’t laugh) on hold, sit on the floor and PLAY? I mean REALLY. I’M EDUCATED — and LOOK, now I’m playing TRUCKS? But then it stopped. He did what most do and started playing BY HIMSELF. And then I was sad, alone… sitting on the floor with my trucks (not really). And now Jo — as demanding and irresistible a baby as there ever was…. tomorrow she’ll be kicking me out of her room and demanding to pierce something.

And, I know. I’m going to get to all of the other things that happened in 2011 — I’m just taking my time because I’m still alone. That, and I just can’t get over how pleased I am with everything in my life these days. The fun little boy I have. The food allergies that he seems to be growing out of (!) paired with his need to wear a fire helmet to the grocery store. The sweetest little girl I could have ever imagined — it’s even cute when she’s slapping my face and ripping my earrings out. I’ve even been working on a few design projects that seem to be moving along nicely, and I’m happy to report that things are calm both on the friend and family fronts.

All in all, while tooting my own horn from atop the highest pedestal, 2011 was a really good year all-around.

January… My sister Annie was married to her longtime love, Rob… Which led to a reunion of sorts in seeing friends and family that I haven’t seen in years, some of which read this bloggedy blog and therefore knew way more than I did about myself…. Later, I started reading an absurd amount of anything I could get my hands on, books – magazines, newspapers, a MANUSCRIPT written by a brilliantly talented individual that also had a baby in 2011… January was also the month when I started having Braxton Hicks otherwise known as false and not funny contractions even though I wasn’t due until the end of May. Good Times.

February found Mr. Sal and I returning to Portsmouth, NH where I took this picture whist Braxton Hicking all over New England:

I may never understand why I love this picture so much other than the fact that I was a giant pregnant lady salivating over the whole idea behind this window.

Nothing happened in March.
NOTHING.
Oh come on. It’s not like I was sitting on my hands or anything, although I was waiting for something to happen. Really, nothing happened and honestly, your bravado is rather rude.
FINE. Go see for YOURSELF.

April was one of the scariest months of my ENTIRE LIFE, although it started and ended with a blessing. I kicked the month off by opening the front section of the New York Times to see a 1937 picture of my long-passed Grandaddy on page A12 (with the crooked hat). This was a HUGE surprise and one that I will never forget… It made me feel individual and incognito all at the same time…. Here was this image of a man that all but a hand-full of us recognized thus giving the paper that day an entire different meaning than anyone in the world expected it to. And while there are pictures of people in newspapers everyday, this was a once in a hundred million lives, lifetime treat.

April was going to be a great month.

It was, however, only a few weeks into the month that Josephine decided to start her attempts of escaping from my belly — one of which found me in the hospital under the guise of false appendicitis. Her Alcatraz-like plan was foiled however, mostly due in part by the numerous prayers that were heard by the powers that be. But she didn’t hesitate to try again and five weeks before her due date, Josephine Dwyer was born. After a quick incubation, she arrived home healthy and happy — that is just as long as you are doing exactly what she wants you to. April was also the month when I read a book by Sammy Hagar (hangs head in shame) in approximately 2.5 hours — an amount of time that I will always regret losing…

The rest of the year has been a bit of a sleepless/timeless/listless haze filled with the closeness of growing and playtimes. There have been moments when I stop, clear my head and listen to the news or something, but for the most part I have been in an 8 month hibernation as a full time Mom. Two kids, as I am discovering, is intense. Beyond the trip that I thought I was signing up for, but also filled with an extraordinary balance and calm. Trying to make time for myself has proved to be near impossible, but when I feel the pull and struggle to do more, I come back around. This time is precious and I’d rather be here, experiencing the lives of my kids…. A pedicure would be nice though.

And, to just sum up the rest of the year, because OMG – I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL READING THIS!
June – …the must in the air was a really choice herb…
July – …SOYLENT GREEN, SOYLENT GREEN…
August – …They don’t hate you…
September – …EVACUATION...
October – …Allergy kids and Lepers having so much in common…
November – …let’s all damn the man by smelling really bad…
And, December, Well. We’re here, aren’t we?

So, while not everything that happened in 2011 contributed to the life-changing handle that I’ve given it, the few things that did happen were quite large. [abundant, ample, barn door, blimp, booming, broad, bulky, capacious, colossal, comprehensive, considerable, copious, enormous, excessive, exorbitant, extensive, extravagant, full, generous, giant, gigantic, goodly, grand, grandiose, great, gross, hefty, huge, humongous, immeasurable, immense, jumbo, liberal, massive, monumental, mountainous, plentiful, populous, roomy, sizable, spacious, stupendous, substantial, super, sweeping, thumping, tidy, vast, voluminous, whopping, wide]. It’s amazing how two tiny people can pack such a punch.

And in ending, Merry Christmas my Friends — Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Bodhi Day, Boxing Day, Hogmanay, Koleda, and Festivus, etc. Happy New Year. I will see you when things are fresh and new, 2012!

[Subtitle: After Three Years of Blogging, It's Still Important]

I went online over the weekend, and the internet bored me.

And when I say bored — I don’t mean it in the sense of disappointment it’s just that nothing exciting is going on. And, whatever, I know. AUGUST. For the love of mud. Because WHO else is looking online for anything at 4 pm-ish on a late summer Saturday? I’ll tell you who. No one. Not even the people that you suspect might be online all the time. Guess what… they aren’t. They’re ‘out’ — said with my hands fluttering. Or sleeping… maybe they’re sleeping and dreaming about a time when the internet was solely used for stalking, research and shopping. Oh the shopping.

I remember when the internet started to become important, AND — I’m not that old. It was 1997 and I was just graduating from a college that DID NOT have internet access in every dorm room… or dorm… or library even. I had to book a date with Rick in the computer lab and then login via AOL on dial-up in order to do any surfing… which was limited anyway because, you know — RICK, the computer lab guy who’s desk was strategically placed in the middle of the room so he could stare at our backs and the screens we were looking at. At the very mention of going ‘online’ Rick would break out the beads of sweat. But despite the limited access, we weren’t internet starved or anything… My friends and I lived off campus my senior year and I don’t think any of us (meaning all three) even had a computer… or a cell phone. Not to mention that I was a Graphic Design major — I learned oldschool — rubylith, rulers and missing fingertips due to x-acto blades. Drawing meant something and computer graphics were a side dish. Forget about a PORT or DIAL UP connection… right? Because I didn’t know how important the internet was going to be… And you know what — it was nice.

But I couldn’t just let it stay nice. No. I had to go and get all up inside the web and learn about designing for it. Websites. Banners. gifs. jpgs…. FLASH. Knowing the science of what will work and what won’t… but not really caring at all about why. All very open-ended… and constantly changing — FAST… So fast that the thing you learned one day was insufficient the next. It all makes me think about Kit — the talking car from Night Rider. He was fast. And smart — and genuinely nice– unlike the haunted car in Christine that just tried to kill everyone… And dudes, he could talk. But was this really going anywhere? I mean — once the car could talk, it still couldn’t do many other things — it was defunct in the ability to evolve… And now, that the internet can answer just about anything you throw at it — is there anything left? Lost friends, check. Medical emergencies, check. Family, check. Shopping for everything (except H&M, damn you and WHY?!), check. Money matters, check. News, check. Life, check. And don’t let my fascination with Kit the talking car throw you, I’m still not that old.

Because three years ago in August 2008, I started this blog. Yay, Happy Birthmonth Blog! GIDDYUP! I’m not really clear on the exact date that I started posting, because at one point I became frustrated with the “beginning” and went back and deleted stuff… An action that only exacerbates the tumult of my relationship with this website. Because who can recreate the beginning? But wouldn’t it be great to go through 3 years of something, decide that things might be better if the beginning had been different and then go back and alter it? Right? Because, for whatever reason that is what I did… and you know what — IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE. This blog is still this blog…

Regardless, as I sit here, amazed at what this blog has brought to me via the internet. I had no idea of the connections I would make — both professional and personal, and I NEVER could have predicted the abundance of friends that I have made as a result of blathering on about this and that. When I started, I didn’t know about the 60 million other blogs out there… I think I knew of and read 10, half of which ended a long time ago.

I was struggling to define my life that was in the midst of enormous change… kids, economy, design, ALLERGIES, the FDA…The IRS — you name it, AND I’m still searching. The whole experience has been priceless — and it isn’t even OVER, despite my occasional threat to damn the internet and all that it contains. Because apparently, it contains 3 years of me– personal, private, and OUT THERE… like a sitting duck. Because, okay — maybe not for you, but for me– that’s kind of important.

It’s been 10 years.
TEN YEARS.
Think about it while I try to not make this post last until 2020.

Sidenote: Normally, I wouldn’t write an “end of the year” post over a week before the end of the year… but honestly, if I write about the holidays it might just equal talking about the holidays — of which I’m a little over. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas will be tons of fun, but I feel like its taking forever to get here on top of  not really being in a fa la la la mood this year… more like OKAY ALREADY. I know, so eloquent.

I actually thought to myself last night that it’s a good thing that I didn’t decorate too much because MY FOOT I don’t want to clean it all up once ALL THIS is over and done with. And please… Depressed? I have no reason to be… Hormonal? Like a train wreck…

So while I’m petitioning to skip over the next four days and wake up tomorrow with Santa squeaking right back up that chimney, AND perfecting the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse… Please know that everything should be returning to normal in about 2 weeks…. just in time for 2011 to make her grand entrance…

swans remember everything...

In 1999, 2000 was kind of a big deal. I can remember… we were living in Portsmouth, NH — planning to fly down to Burke, VA to visit best friends for the New Year and Turn of the Century (echo echo echo). I was at the eye doctor getting diagnosed with chronic dry-eyes – aka: inability to produce tears without extreme pain when my Optometrist — a young little female Doogie Howser sat stunned when I told her that my boyfriend and I were planning to fly somewhere to celebrate…. ON A PLANE. But wasn’t I scared? Wasn’t I worried that some cosmic switch was going to flip causing our plane to enter into another dimension? To which I calmly replied – “Well, no…. I hear that 2000 is nothing compared to what 2012 is going to bring.” To which she replied by staring at me blankly — as if her mind had become like dilated pupils all fuzzy dark only to reemerge from the fog in Shangri-La, where I was no longer her patient and she could move on to lighter things… like Beenie Babies and the hideously addictive lure of the food court outside her office walls. Those crazy Druids.

And it would be completely inappropriate to go on and on about the first 10 of the 2000s without making mention of 9-11. None of us will ever forget where we were, what we went through and of course — who and what we lost. Just thinking about that day — which quickly turned into night and then weeks of torture that followed… just thinking about it makes me want to take all the insignificance of the other 9 years and cram them into one of these hideously decorated gift boxes I have laying around — only to be peered into if you want to see extreme happiness and selfless adoration of life… But then I have to slap myself in reminder that life goes on — as we were all able to prove to the universe… Life goes on, and apparently, so does this blog…

Interestingly enough, because we’re back to the really important issue at hand… My current eye doctor is perhaps the 5th most attractive man on the planet, so I’ve never had the gumption to discuss the END OF THE WORLD or flash in the pan collectibles with him out of sheer humility. Our friends from Burke, however, are beyond outgoing– no longer live in VA and now have FOUR KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF TEN. Yes that’s right, and I’ve mentioned them before in unabashed wonder… Which pretty much brings us up to date on where TEN YEARS can lead you. But not really.

The past ten years have been pretty huge for me… as I’m sure they have been for you too. No — I didn’t do anything earth shattering… but each time something changed since 2000, it’s been pretty major… And I could go into a detailed time-line, highlighting each breath and thought process that occurred, but that would just make you feel trapped… in a 10×10′ red room… without a door or window. So, you know what, I’m not even going to get into any of it… ‘It’, of course being the ten years in which I’ve moved between states, gotten married, had a child, become a dog owner, homeowner, opened and closed a mildly successful business, hung out with the devil, learned how to cook, finally grasped the understanding of the term ‘patience’, made incredible new friends AND started the journey of bringing another life into the world. And if that isn’t enough, aside from me… (because I am aware of others when they talk loud enough) many friends and family members have fought and won against life threatening diseases and physical struggles that I can’t even begin to comprehend.

It could be that there are so many things that happened within things in the past ten years that its too hard to fully grasp the enormity of it all. I mean — I’m 35 — I’ve been through three and a half ten year periods and, honestly, the other 2.5 seemed so silly… all premature and childish… Like the word ‘Decade’ is just a fly on the wall of ‘Century’, so WHATEVER, who cares. Once you’ve witnessed the turn of a century, a decade is so 1800s. And with that thought of complete senselessness, I leave you with the thought of ten years (give or take a leap year). TEN YEARS. That’s 5259600 minutes of 3,650 days… Did anything happen?

I was at the library the other day multitasking.
Because that’s what libraries are for, right?

Writing recipes, looking for design inspiration while simultaneously reading TITANIC TRUCKS to the boy running through the stacked aisles. I was beginning to think that a vacation might be something to consider when all of the sudden books started screaming and jumping off the shelves — dangerously missing my head… I grabbed Will and dove under the nearest table. The piles of books surrounded us as one manuscript fell open at my knees… it was Poe, “I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect, between the disaster and the atrocity.” It was then that I realized that something needed to be done immediately… Because I have reached the final point, and this is it. I am dangerously approaching the end of my blogging quota.

Visualize this to be like filling a water balloon to capacity or eating copious amounts of McDonald’s like this guy did a few years ago… only to result in weight gain, heart disease, ulcers and bad skin…. because what did he think was going to happen? I wonder if he wishes that he could go back and undo — kind of like going back and picking through – deleting the bad blog posts while copying and saving the good ones for republishing possibilities… revitalizing the QUOTA. But oh the HUMANITY.

I started For the Birds on August 22, 2008. It was a slow start… and, although I never intended for this blog to turn into what it is now… it has been a journey like no other… similar to swimming across the Atlantic or leaving the space shuttle mid-universe to test out that gravity theory… floating aimlessly into DEEP SPACE. And if you know what this blog is about, then you’re a hair-slight more genius than I, because I lost track a LOOOONG time ago. But I am missing the point.

What I am trying to inch out there is that I am now starting the tedious task of going back, judging myself and then deciding who gets to stay and who gets to go hang out at the pearly gates of archival heaven. But what do you think? If you are here, reading this right now — If you wouldn’t mind turning time off for a few minutes and letting me know if there are any posts that must stay live… Because beyond self-inflicted torture, I am my own souvenir. And I’m sure that isn’t the first time I’ve said that.   

Amanda Miller and I met at that little virtual world cafe on the corner where perfection runs deep among the critics of the blogosphere. Miller, a quick wit and major speed-resistant rising star of the internet publishing world with TWO blogs to boast and gobs of material to share, takes a sip of her Meyer lemon iced water… The interview begins.

So… Amanda, Why California? I fell in love with San Francisco on a visit when I was 18 and told myself I would eventually move there. My husband and I were married overlooking the San Francisco bay, we actually eloped. I would like to leave though, 10 years is too long to stay in one spot. I get antsy. Do you think that France will be the next destination? Eloping sounds fun – was your family mad?  I would say France or Italy. Just got my Italian citizenship (my kids as well) so now I can vote over there. For what, I don’t know. I can’t even speak the language. Oh I forgot about Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam… As for eloping, my family wasn’t mad, don’t think they even noticed.

How would you describe yourself in three words? Determined, Lazy, Decisive. Are you a Gemini? No, I’m a Taurus. Why? What does that mean? I’m not familiar with astrology speak. Am I going to die soon? I’m not that into Astrology either but Geminis typically flip flop between determined and lazy – I know this because my husband and I are both Geminis…In a sea of incomplete projects – determined to get it done, but then too lazy. Not sure if you’re going to die soon… I hope not! Well my husband is an Aquarius and he’s lazy too. Sounds like we’re all just a bunch of incredibly smart, funny and talented lazy people. Ha!

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Japanese Maple. How very determined, lazy and decisive of you.

What is your favorite color? Do I have to pick just one? Okay, black. No, white. Final answer? I don’t have one. Did you know that both white and black are not actual colors? Instead they are “states of being” as in space. The percentage values are either 100% or 0%. Black is my favorite color too. Why yes I did know that but could have never put it as eloquently as you just did. Speaking of absence of color, my next project will be painting my living room black. Exciting!

Why is the stop sign an octagon? That’s an odd question. I really don’t know and not sure that I really need to know. Some things are just better left a mystery. Agreed. This question came from the IQ test you challenged me on @Twitter. (kidding) Ha ha.

What kind of people do you dislike? People without a sense of humor. People who don’t like cats. Come on, it’s a cute kitty, what’s not to like? Crazy religious preachy people who believe their God and our government should mix. People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. I’m not too fond of most people. So… France would work well for you–sans the hand washing habits. Really? They don’t wash their hands in France? I know the men sometimes pee in the streets. I don’t know, I suppose I’d be too busy drinking wine and buying berets to even notice. I’m sure that they wash their hands in France. A good friend of mine and I were flashed by… Well, a Flasher, in a Paris Metro tunnel – This was after an awesome stay and on our way to the airport to leave… so my lasting impression is somewhat jarred.  I think that would be a wonderful way to end a stay in Paris. Just icing on the cake…

What is your favorite drink? If I’m drinking alcohol my choice is champagne. I could drink it every day. Have you ever tried champagne with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? It’s quite good. Otherwise I like ice water with a wedge of Meyer lemon. Don’t the bubbles go to your head? Ice water with lemon makes you sound super healthy.  That’s the point, no? Yes, I try and be healthy so I’ll drink my delightful ice water and then proceed to shove four cupcakes into my mouth. Organic of course.

Who would you like to see play the lead role as you? I’d have to go with Marlon Brando. Wait, he’s a guy, right? And dead. Okay then I’ll say Zooey Deschanel. Yes, she’s a little younger than me but movies are just pretend anyway so let’s pretend she’s exactly my age. (laughing) ZD is my virtual “I don’t know this person” image of you. Weird!  That is weird! I am way older though, so enjoy that image of Miss Zooey. Good thing you didn’t say Marlon Brando… I picture you as the girl from the Twilight movie (never saw it, just read the tabloid garbage) You know, the one rumored to be dating the hot English vampire. Ha ha–I haven’t read it either but I am interested in this new teenage surge of over-sexed vampires. Like it’s a new concept? How can you possibly be way older than Zooey? I think I might be way older than you. Well according to Internet (and we all know it never lies) Zooey was born in 1980. And I was not. Is this a sneaky way of you trying to get me to reveal my age? For some reason I hate telling people how old I am. Getting older sucks.

What would I find in your refrigerator right now? Hummus, every yogurt under the sun, shriveled up basil, duck and sweet potato dog food (my dog is well taken care of) Irish butter, almond milk, cows milk, a beautiful bunch of baby carrots I need to use before they go rotten, whipped cream, peanut butter, coffee, leftover Indian butter chicken from last night. Just the regular stuff. Regular stuff = Leftover Indian butter chicken? Come on, who doesn’t have Indian butter chicken in their fridge? I’m actually on an Indian food kick and have cooked it once a week for the past few weeks. I’m really over it now. Really over it.

What is the last thing you did before answering these questions? Well I started this yesterday and haven’t been able to finish because my kids kept pestering me. Some nonsense about rumbling stomachs. So let’s see, yesterday I had just emptied the dishwasher and tonight I just cleaned up the dinner plates. See a pattern? Yes – like Laundry, it never ends… Myth of Sisyphus. Say that 10 times really fast…

What inspired you to start your blogs? Well I’ve always enjoyed writing and once I discovered this thing called “blogging” I knew it was for me, just never had the balls to start my own until last year. Subjects such as art, music and personal dairies like Dooce were my favorites. When I began writing Brilliant Sulk I wasn’t sure which direction it was headed. I suppose it has morphed into a “humor blog” but that could all change tomorrow. I’m slightly unpredictable. Do you think that Dooce is a little too “Tell All”–like what else is left? Brilliant Sulk is funny – does that surprise you though? I always find myself a little taken-aback when people call my writing funny. Do people tell you that the blog sounds “like you”? What about Brilliant Spread? The photography is gorgeous. I used
to be a huge Dooce fan, not so much anymore. She’s a bit too smug and as you say, “Tell All” I aim to be smug and mysterious. Kidding, I’m kidding. I’m not sure I’m really as funny as I am sarcastic. But I suppose it’s up to my billions of readers to make that determination.

You know, not many people I know read my blog (Brilliant Sulk) because I haven’t told them about it. Is that weird? My mom and husband read it. Maybe I’m embarrassed. Gosh, I have issues. I think I need a good therapist. But I think you and I have similar writing styles. Maybe we should take our act on the road.

My other blog, Brilliant Spread, is great fun because I love taking photos and writing about food. It’s a fairly new site that I need to spend some more time working on.

If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be? There’s a party in my tummy. Nice.

Aside from your Tummy, what motivates you? My kids, art, music, nature. I mentioned before that your photography on Brilliant Spread is, well – brilliant – did you study photography or is it just a thing? Why thank you. Oh, gosh I’ve always wanted to be a “real” photographer but because I’m so incredibly lazy I never pursued it professionally. I wish I had because I really enjoy it. I suppose it’s never too late.

On that “never too late” theme, if you won $20 million in the lottery, what would you do with the money? I’d immediately hop on a plane and travel the world like Brad and Angelina. With or without the 26 kids? Hell no, they can keep those children. I’ll take my two girls, two nannies, my husband and we’re off. What would I do with my dog and two cats though? I suppose I could bring my dog, but I’d have to hire a full time cat nanny. It would be difficult being rich.

If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have? I’m going to have to go with the Italian dressing you get at a steakhouse. The incredibly vinegary kind with chunks of blue cheese. How very determined, lazy and decisive.

If you were written about in the newspaper, on the front page, what would the headline say? She’s Innocent! Of what crime? Goat thievery. I would never steal a goat.

What makes you angry? Fluorescent lighting, litterbugs, genetically modified food, Rush Limbaugh, parents who don’t watch their kids at the playground, Barney, that stupid giant purple dinosaur. Genetically modified food and giant purple dinosaurs can ruin my day too… have you ever approached a parent not watching their kids? I certainly would approach them but I can never find them! I hate taking my kids to the park but I have to because that would be really mean and they would look even pastier than they do now.

What’s the most important part of the sandwich? The bread. If you have terribly stale or tasteless bread the sandwich is completely ruined. And without the bread the sandwich fails to be a sandwich,  I suppose… Exactly.

Can you describe an atom? No. Thank you.

Describe your most rewarding experience to date. Well I suppose the politically correct answer would be the day my kids were born. Or maybe volunteering to bring food and gifts to the elderly every year on Christmas morning. Or all of the animals I’ve rescued over the years. No, can’t say I’ve had any rewarding experiences to date. I’m waiting. How very determined, lazy and decisive. No really… good things come to those who wait (NYC 2010). How about saving the world while you’re at it? I’m far too busy blogging to try and save the world.

(kitty cat photo credit: Image by Peri Apex via Flickr)

We are taking a few days off… getting out of town… fleeing the Hamptons… be prepared to rock out next week with For the Birds first Guest Bird. Hmmm will he/she be a Rooster.. Chicken… Ferruginous Duck… Slaty Egret… Peacock… Black-faced Spoonbill… ?

PS. If you would like to be a Bird, please let me know.

A few weeks ago For the Birds celebrated it’s one year mark — picture me sitting at the keyboard with a party hat on….vodka bottle rolling on the floor…  silly string still stuck to the monitor.. I mentioned in my post that FTB has built a following with over 20,000 site visitors. This is a rough estimate, because  — come on, really. You don’t think that I actually believe that 20,000+ of you are out there reading these almost daily observations… And thanks to all of the lovely comments that I received pointing this out. Side note, I am not that BOARING Ms. Kelly from Kentucky — and although you don’t know how to spell, I might have better things to do with my time but I choose to do this — and if it’s just not that interesting to you — then STOP visiting. But, keep checking in if you must, I am into all things that depreciate. 

So, getting to the point, I do know — thanks to those smart heads over at Feed Burner, that we do have a factual regular readership of 25 concrete, real-live people. That’s right – a lovely and lucky 25. And to you I am calling out. In the next few days the following will be happening:

1. For the Birds will turn out the lights for a much needed beauty rest.
2. For the Birds will return, refreshed and better than ever–but only viewable at the new (still shiny) URL – http://forthebirdsblog.com
3. The old ugly domain http://designsigh.typepad.com/forthebirds will GO AWAY, so DON’T GO THERE
4. Those of you that have the old domain/URL in your readers, you will need to change to the new domain.
5. For the Birds will only be accessible from http://forthebirdsblog.com
6. This has very little to do with the evil birders over at forthebirds.com 

Unfortunately, I don’t have specific timing on this event–otherwise I would fill you in. But the wheels are in motion. We’ve checked the logs, Batman, and will make a swift return… So, if you happen to be settling in for the evening, and pull up to FTB for some mild entertainment, please don’t be alarmed if you receive some sort of error message or blank screen–We are still here… we are coming back–this has very little to do with the evil birders at forthebirds.com AND, the best is yet to come… More shameless self-promotion of multiple personality abundance -  I want you to know but I don’t anxiety disorder…  have I mentioned most of us here are geminis? Any questions? Email me – rmsatbwdstudiodotcom.

I hate that I write lists obsessively (in a series of notebooks that all look alike) but they never seem to make it to the typepad. Here's a taste of randomness that I've been hocking over at Google Reader… There's never enough time in the day…

• The Hygiene Hypothesis… not accurate (shocker)…
• Misszoot might just punch someone…. 
• Need help reading, writing, eating or drawing while you DRIVE? Here's a desktop... This could take texting accidents to a whole new level.. (note the awesome disclaimer)
• The highest rate of nose jobs?? That's right perfect noses in IRAN… I suppose since everything else is SHROUDED.
• Slumping in Dubai… what wouldn't we do to do Dubai (now taking sponsors)
• THIS JUST IN – food allergies can be dangerous. Thanks, Brain Surgeons @ Grand Rapids Press…
• Generation A
• Decorative Brilliance
• A Grand Slam with Mushrooms… Even if you don't like them…
• Laura Ashley on Crack
• Unattended Children Will (and should) be shot…
• Cool Bird Prints (going to this show soon!)
• David the Designer (I'm probably scaring this man)
• AND of course… blah blah blah follow me on Twitter and read my posts @ Artistic Things..Check back randomly—I promise more random lists and almost daily observations.. yadda yadda yadda.

This is a follow up to a post made almost exactly one year ago… NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

We live very close to the Peconic Bay and there are ponds near our property that feed off of this Bay. In the ponds we are neighbors to lovely swan families that we follow and watch with love and fear combined… they tend to have anger-management issues. Also along these ponds runs a public road which people treat almost as a park–bike riders, fishing families, walkers… birders all enjoy the road as it winds away from Shinnecock Hills and into the Bay. It is quite lovely which is why it makes me so angry to state the obvious.. PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE SWANS.

Almost every fair weathered morning for the past few years a car (black station wagon Volvo) has pulled up along side of the pond behind our house. The woman driving the vehicle honks her horn upon arrival. When she does this, swans kick their webbed feet into high gear and float to her as fast as possible. With this, she throws her leg over the divider, walks to the edge of the water and DUMPS A BUCKET OF CORN. 

I have fought myself on this situation for a very long time. The corn is not only bad for the Swans, but it has caused a major upset in the natural Audubon order of things… The Swans have become die-hard territorial about her feedings and have actually KILLED OTHER SWANS (4 to be exact) in an effort to remain somewhat DOMESTICATED. I know I said anger-management issues, but this is actually quite a normal reaction for any kind of animal being treated like a pet. 

Now – this is my problem. I can either throw all “respect your elders” caution to the wind and go “speak” to this woman… Or I can continue to spy from the other side of the pond saying DON’T FEED THE SWANS under my breathe while my blood boils.. Or – I can leave a note on her car while she continues on her walk to probably feed other wild creatures… OR I can grab a can of spray paint and … A year has passed and I still can’t deal… Please please please -  DO NOT FEED THE SWANS.