Amanda Miller and I met at that little virtual world cafe on the corner where perfection runs deep among the critics of the blogosphere. Miller, a quick wit and major speed-resistant rising star of the internet publishing world with TWO blogs to boast and gobs of material to share, takes a sip of her Meyer lemon iced water… The interview begins.
So… Amanda, Why California? I fell in love with San Francisco on a visit when I was 18 and told myself I would eventually move there. My husband and I were married overlooking the San Francisco bay, we actually eloped. I would like to leave though, 10 years is too long to stay in one spot. I get antsy. Do you think that France will be the next destination? Eloping sounds fun – was your family mad? I would say France or Italy. Just got my Italian citizenship (my kids as well) so now I can vote over there. For what, I don’t know. I can’t even speak the language. Oh I forgot about Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam… As for eloping, my family wasn’t mad, don’t think they even noticed.
How would you describe yourself in three words? Determined, Lazy, Decisive. Are you a Gemini? No, I’m a Taurus. Why? What does that mean? I’m not familiar with astrology speak. Am I going to die soon? I’m not that into Astrology either but Geminis typically flip flop between determined and lazy – I know this because my husband and I are both Geminis…In a sea of incomplete projects – determined to get it done, but then too lazy. Not sure if you’re going to die soon… I hope not! Well my husband is an Aquarius and he’s lazy too. Sounds like we’re all just a bunch of incredibly smart, funny and talented lazy people. Ha!
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Japanese Maple. How very determined, lazy and decisive of you.
What is your favorite color? Do I have to pick just one? Okay, black. No, white. Final answer? I don’t have one. Did you know that both white and black are not actual colors? Instead they are “states of being” as in space. The percentage values are either 100% or 0%. Black is my favorite color too. Why yes I did know that but could have never put it as eloquently as you just did. Speaking of absence of color, my next project will be painting my living room black. Exciting!
Why is the stop sign an octagon? That’s an odd question. I really don’t know and not sure that I really need to know. Some things are just better left a mystery. Agreed. This question came from the IQ test you challenged me on @Twitter. (kidding) Ha ha.
What kind of people do you dislike? People without a sense of humor. People who don’t like cats. Come on, it’s a cute kitty, what’s not to like? Crazy religious preachy people who believe their God and our government should mix. People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. I’m not too fond of most people. So… France would work well for you–sans the hand washing habits. Really? They don’t wash their hands in France? I know the men sometimes pee in the streets. I don’t know, I suppose I’d be too busy drinking wine and buying berets to even notice. I’m sure that they wash their hands in France. A good friend of mine and I were flashed by… Well, a Flasher, in a Paris Metro tunnel – This was after an awesome stay and on our way to the airport to leave… so my lasting impression is somewhat jarred. I think that would be a wonderful way to end a stay in Paris. Just icing on the cake…
What is your favorite drink? If I’m drinking alcohol my choice is champagne. I could drink it every day. Have you ever tried champagne with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? It’s quite good. Otherwise I like ice water with a wedge of Meyer lemon. Don’t the bubbles go to your head? Ice water with lemon makes you sound super healthy. That’s the point, no? Yes, I try and be healthy so I’ll drink my delightful ice water and then proceed to shove four cupcakes into my mouth. Organic of course.
Who would you like to see play the lead role as you? I’d have to go with Marlon Brando. Wait, he’s a guy, right? And dead. Okay then I’ll say Zooey Deschanel. Yes, she’s a little younger than me but movies are just pretend anyway so let’s pretend she’s exactly my age. (laughing) ZD is my virtual “I don’t know this person” image of you. Weird! That is weird! I am way older though, so enjoy that image of Miss Zooey. Good thing you didn’t say Marlon Brando… I picture you as the girl from the Twilight movie (never saw it, just read the tabloid garbage) You know, the one rumored to be dating the hot English vampire. Ha ha–I haven’t read it either but I am interested in this new teenage surge of over-sexed vampires. Like it’s a new concept? How can you possibly be way older than Zooey? I think I might be way older than you. Well according to Internet (and we all know it never lies) Zooey was born in 1980. And I was not. Is this a sneaky way of you trying to get me to reveal my age? For some reason I hate telling people how old I am. Getting older sucks.
What would I find in your refrigerator right now? Hummus, every yogurt under the sun, shriveled up basil, duck and sweet potato dog food (my dog is well taken care of) Irish butter, almond milk, cows milk, a beautiful bunch of baby carrots I need to use before they go rotten, whipped cream, peanut butter, coffee, leftover Indian butter chicken from last night. Just the regular stuff. Regular stuff = Leftover Indian butter chicken? Come on, who doesn’t have Indian butter chicken in their fridge? I’m actually on an Indian food kick and have cooked it once a week for the past few weeks. I’m really over it now. Really over it.
What is the last thing you did before answering these questions? Well I started this yesterday and haven’t been able to finish because my kids kept pestering me. Some nonsense about rumbling stomachs. So let’s see, yesterday I had just emptied the dishwasher and tonight I just cleaned up the dinner plates. See a pattern? Yes – like Laundry, it never ends… Myth of Sisyphus. Say that 10 times really fast…
What inspired you to start your blogs? Well I’ve always enjoyed writing and once I discovered this thing called “blogging” I knew it was for me, just never had the balls to start my own until last year. Subjects such as art, music and personal dairies like Dooce were my favorites. When I began writing Brilliant Sulk I wasn’t sure which direction it was headed. I suppose it has morphed into a “humor blog” but that could all change tomorrow. I’m slightly unpredictable. Do you think that Dooce is a little too “Tell All”–like what else is left? Brilliant Sulk is funny – does that surprise you though? I always find myself a little taken-aback when people call my writing funny. Do people tell you that the blog sounds “like you”? What about Brilliant Spread? The photography is gorgeous. I used
to be a huge Dooce fan, not so much anymore. She’s a bit too smug and as you say, “Tell All” I aim to be smug and mysterious. Kidding, I’m kidding. I’m not sure I’m really as funny as I am sarcastic. But I suppose it’s up to my billions of readers to make that determination.
You know, not many people I know read my blog (Brilliant Sulk) because I haven’t told them about it. Is that weird? My mom and husband read it. Maybe I’m embarrassed. Gosh, I have issues. I think I need a good therapist. But I think you and I have similar writing styles. Maybe we should take our act on the road.
My other blog, Brilliant Spread, is great fun because I love taking photos and writing about food. It’s a fairly new site that I need to spend some more time working on.
If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be? There’s a party in my tummy. Nice.
Aside from your Tummy, what motivates you? My kids, art, music, nature. I mentioned before that your photography on Brilliant Spread is, well – brilliant – did you study photography or is it just a thing? Why thank you. Oh, gosh I’ve always wanted to be a “real” photographer but because I’m so incredibly lazy I never pursued it professionally. I wish I had because I really enjoy it. I suppose it’s never too late.
On that “never too late” theme, if you won $20 million in the lottery, what would you do with the money? I’d immediately hop on a plane and travel the world like Brad and Angelina. With or without the 26 kids? Hell no, they can keep those children. I’ll take my two girls, two nannies, my husband and we’re off. What would I do with my dog and two cats though? I suppose I could bring my dog, but I’d have to hire a full time cat nanny. It would be difficult being rich.
If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have? I’m going to have to go with the Italian dressing you get at a steakhouse. The incredibly vinegary kind with chunks of blue cheese. How very determined, lazy and decisive.
If you were written about in the newspaper, on the front page, what would the headline say? She’s Innocent! Of what crime? Goat thievery. I would never steal a goat.
What makes you angry? Fluorescent lighting, litterbugs, genetically modified food, Rush Limbaugh, parents who don’t watch their kids at the playground, Barney, that stupid giant purple dinosaur. Genetically modified food and giant purple dinosaurs can ruin my day too… have you ever approached a parent not watching their kids? I certainly would approach them but I can never find them! I hate taking my kids to the park but I have to because that would be really mean and they would look even pastier than they do now.
What’s the most important part of the sandwich? The bread. If you have terribly stale or tasteless bread the sandwich is completely ruined. And without the bread the sandwich fails to be a sandwich, I suppose… Exactly.
Can you describe an atom? No. Thank you.
Describe your most rewarding experience to date. Well I suppose the politically correct answer would be the day my kids were born. Or maybe volunteering to bring food and gifts to the elderly every year on Christmas morning. Or all of the animals I’ve rescued over the years. No, can’t say I’ve had any rewarding experiences to date. I’m waiting. How very determined, lazy and decisive. No really… good things come to those who wait (NYC 2010). How about saving the world while you’re at it? I’m far too busy blogging to try and save the world.
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Amanda was interviewed as a For the Birds reader that found me in this picture.
Please be sure to visit her blogs, Brilliant Sulk and Brilliant Spread. She can also be found on Twitter @brilliantsulk & @brillantspread. Share the Brilliance – tell your friends and
stay tuned for the next Bird Watcher opportunity here on For the Birds.
(kitty cat photo credit: Image by Peri Apex via Flickr)
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Until next year, of course. But you see, the thing about it is that I don’t think that I have ever looked at this time of year the way I am currently… I don’t think that I have ever attempted to analyze myself and how I behave… or not behave when faced with this time of year. It is stressful… The shopping, which I have not started, and the decorating, which was completed in record time while my 2 year old took all the ornaments off the tree as I put them on. The planning of seeing each and every deserving relative despite the 4 to 5 hour car rides to actually do so… while still having a nice quiet Christmas morning all to ourselves at home. Not to mention the possibility of guests, food, booze and the constant battle with money. Damn you GIANT ECONOMIC DOWNFALL. Not to mention CHURCH and the reality of what it all means paired with the guilt of all things Catholic. Did I say I was loving this?
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