It all used to be so easy… if I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t. If I wanted to go, sometimes I still wouldn’t. I guess that’s the problem with being a pseudo-introvert… That writes a very public account of everything–hypocrisy is SO much fun.
But today is Saturday, so no one is reading this, right? I can just sneak this in and whisper softly… because nothing has changed.
And I’m just using this visual because Sting called me and told me to write about my insecurity issues.
It remains the same.. if I have a meeting, I wait until the very last second thinking about how much I don’t want to go even though it will be painless and probably result in good things… How I am invited to parties and events and asked to be in on important causes… and I don’t participate and/or attend even though I want to and plan on it. How I am rather well connected but refuse to admit it. It isn’t unlike 13 years ago (dear god!) in college when I adopted the mantra of “Just Don’t Go” and would suggest it to friends… like it was THAT easy. You don’t want to go, so don’t. It was all very freeing and simple… Just Don’t Go. I remember thinking it when I was about to walk down the aisle… when I went into labor with Will, when all of the great things that have happened to me occurred… And look at me now.. I am already climbing over the fence… Running away… Hiding under my dining room table… In other words, I just bought my tickets to Blogher 2010, which is in August. And the fact that I just spent actual dollars might be the only thing that pushes me through the door. That and the idea of meeting some of you… FACE TO FACE. EYES TO EYES. So… if you are going… and you happen to glance out windows of the NYC Hilton and you see someone outside pasted up against the glass – just leave me there and note that I went, but I didn’t at the same time. Let the games begin.
