Results tagged "Christmas"

Do you lie to your kids?

No really. Do you? I mean… just LOOK at Ann Curry’s face.

You’re lying RIGHT NOW. And she T-O-T-A-L-L-Y knows.

Because, according to the Today Show and some rather swarmy ladies from Todaymoms.com, you are just oozing with lies. LIES.

YOU BIG, FAT LIAR.

Personally, I try not to lie to Will — but not because lying isn’t fun (because it totally is!), no. Will is way to smart and tends to figure things out… He spends a lot of time and asks A LOT of QUESTIONS…. taking the fun completely OUT OF THE LIE. Santa Claus was suspect for weeks before Christmas. There was a lot of concern over how he gets onto the roof… “He doesn’t use a ladder, he doesn’t NEED a ladder.” We were three steps to polishing off the liquor cabinet with his series of investigations, but it all ended when Mr. Claus paid off big time Christmas morning. Thank you VERY much, John Deere.

And, didn’t you know, this is a heated topic. Why, it was just a few months back that I was perusing Facebook when I came across a post from fellow blogger, Jaime Lee, who had written a nice little HONEST post about ’6 lies moms tell kids’. For the most part, these 6 categories of dishonesty are all based in keeping a child happy and protected. You know — ‘The Tooth Fairy’, ‘Let’s not talk about sex yet, the baby came from a stork’, ‘GYPSIES’.  All rather harmless, and in all honesty, easy enough for a child to understand and quickly get over once the real truth is unveiled. But as I read on to the comments section, I found myself all stressed out and twisted up in the world of someone that DOES NOT LIE….

“As Life Gets Better says:

And here we are. A new year.

Fresh. New. Untouched. Unaffected. And oddly — feeling almost exactly like it did last year.

But that’s not reason to worry. Feeling the same as it did less than a week ago isn’t a bad thing, right? We aren’t supposed to run around changing EVERYTHING immediately, right? I mean… I suppose there are freaks people out there that say “I’M CHANGING, DAMMIT” and then, BOOM, everything is different. There’s nothing seemingly wrong with taking our time. Deciding that we want to do something, think about it… patiently… toil over the details while moving in slow motion. Quietly making the necessary adjustments before we LEAP FORWARD into new things. And I know you were picturing a graceful gazelle just now as I said ‘LEAP FORWARD’… because we are talking about the visions in my mind — and you need to see things as I’m seeing them if we are going to embark on anything together — and in no way am I referencing a leap “year”. Because I don’t think I could handle losing one entire day in 2012. No. No empty, invisible, take-away days — because this is going to be the YEAR OF ME. And you’re coming too.

I’m thinking about making some changes, and since these are life long — they do NOT fall into the evil and ever-failing RESOLUTIONS category. And — I’m not just talking about the small stuff, like this is the last Coca Cola I will EVER drink. No. I’m talking about things that would normally fall on a “Life List”, which is something that I have mentioned in “They’re safe easy to clean and do not cause unpleasant buffeting”, (those were the days)… I’m talking about speeding up the process and, for almost the first time ever, TAKING MYSELF SERIOUSLY. Like — No more soda really means NO MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE ANYTHING…. And, while we’re at it, LEARN TO WINDSURF. But there really isn’t a rhyme or reason to any of this. AND I’m going big, at least for me. Way beyond the Ten Its. My attempts to formulate a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next 40-50 years (if I’m lucky) ranges from the absurd — Sleep through the night… to the mundane — Put Christmas away… to the balls out impossible — DO SOMETHING BIGger than before (I’m open for suggestions). So, I’m speeding it up and giving myself 365 days — although I’ve already lost 4 in the planning stage. So, starting NOW. Okay. After I finish this coke.

And I know. YEAR OF ME, sounds kind of selfish and completely unoriginal. And I totally agree. I completely ripped the idea off from The Summer of George on a Seinfeld rerun the other night. Only — as we all know, the Summer of George was a failed endeavor which saw Mr. Costanza in rehabilitation to regain his ability to walk. I know. NOT FUNNY. But it totally was. Even after watching it for the 40,000th time. His only mistake was that he attempted to do it all alone. Of which, I would never do. Because, yes. I love you too.

And so… as I need to get going on a few things. I am starting the list right now. Please note that this list will change — grow and hopefully shrink with cross-outs as I SUCCEED AT EVERYTHING I TRY. Also, please note that from the boring to the laugh your ass off NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN items all fall in no particular order. Because, that, my friends is life.

• Read all the books in my house before buying new ones
• Quit High Fructose Everything
• Breathe while eating and enjoy every bite
• Walks
• Share a picture everyday
• Teach Will to read
• Teach Jo to walk AND talk
• Not so much spending
• Learn to Windsurf
• Redesign this Blog
• Travel with the Kids
• Relearn CPR
• More NYC
• Go fishing
• Will’s Kitchen, the book
• Bronx Zoo
• Write a Screenplay
• Find the right babysitter (and hire her/him)
• Find my Medium
• Garden. For real.
• Go to the Openings
• Turn conversational Spanish into fluent
• Make edible egg free pasta
• Meet Martha
• Get Jo to sleep in her own bed
• Take more pictures
• Find the right, regular, paying gig

That’s the way the holidays start…

And I can hear the song playing off of my parents record player as my Mom, sisters and I made sugar cookies every Christmas — ending with Goodie, Goodie, Yum, Yum, Yum… A not so typical holiday song from the 1950s — and ever so eclectic when being played on vinyl…. (QUICK, click here to taste the yumminess).

In other news, Madonna is playing in the super bowl, Gingrich is AHEAD and Trump is moderating. Anyone else confused?

I am from salt air, coca cola, weeping willows and background music with bare feet.
I am from a Sears & Roebuck house with eclectic reading options and good dogs.
I am from the vintage collection.

From wooden floors, antique rugs and decorative chickens.

I am from the laughing seagull, the wisteria vines and hydrangea blooms.
I am from The Sunday New York Times and art class, from penny candy, low tide and laughing too hard.
I am from Lawrence Welk, Monty Python, The Muppets and The Beatles.

From wondering what time they will get here.

I am from using it up, turn tables and Nana’s costume jewelry.
I am from Christmas Cookies and Holiday Hearts, poker faces and Hudson River whitecaps.

From simplicity is best and rising above.

I am from ‘Somewhere in some far off place, I will recognize your face’ and ‘Smile, it makes the world brighter’.
I’m from ideas and discussions, iced tea and grilled cheese sandwiches.

From the signature cat illustration my Grandma drew, Chicken Little, flowered wallpaper and cool calming voices.

I am from enjoying it all.

___________________________

This is an exercise that I first read about here which led to here. Then I read and loved it here, here and here… which, of course, led me right back here. Because after much thought, why not? Go ahead. And maybe you will.

Am I alone in noticing that this week is a complete and total wash? I mean — is ANYONE DOING ANYTHING?

Or, is it just me?

Ever since my adventure last week I haven’t been wandering too far from my couch, kitchen and The Learning Channel…. ((shudder)). The things that you can learn on the learning channel are literally life changing. For example… after a marathon of watching HOARDING: BURIED ALIVE, I immediately rethought every “TO DO” project that I have sitting on my desk. I also went on a rampage of tossing any and all wrapping paper that I could get my hands on and am considering throwing things away before I ever use them. I watched two episodes of EXTREME COUPONING and have decided that not only am I a complete idiot… but I’m also hanging off of a Cecropia Tree in the Rainforest by my giant toenails. Because that is how Sloths live– In complete ignorance of the deals right in front of their faces… as I casually toss last weekends coupon circulars into the trash…No one needs 800 jars of mustard and I don’t care about shelf-life.

One thing that I did notice about this week, aside from people doing nothing, is that there is A LOT of shopping going on. I guess that the various religious events, combined with the Easter Bunny have everyone a little giddy with spring fever… How much do you want to bet that there are virgin coupon users wandering the aisles right now — gathering their hoards of No Stick Deodorant and high sodium lunchables… Only in an effort to gain some kind of TLC fame… In hopes of becoming the next HOARDING star. AHHHhhh Cable. Who knew it would come to this?

But back to not doing anything… we’ve had a lot of people visiting and helping out these past few days (since “the incident”), so while I’m enjoying everyone’s company — I’m also not really allowed to do anything. I have wandered out a little, but my ability to sit at the computer for longer than 20 minutes is dwindling as my legs fall asleep. Other fun things that I can’t do include descending stairs, emptying the dishwasher AND reaching anything below my knees. And I know… OH WOE IS ME. Whatever. We’re almost there… But I do hope to have something more interesting to post about next week… you know, when the holiday is over and people start doing things again.

In the interim, please take a minute to watch this clip. A good friend was able to obtain surveillance of the medical team I dealt with last week in Triage…. I must warn you, some of the material may be disturbing.

Nothing says Happy Easter like a team of medical zombies. If you need me, I’ll be out replacing our wrapping paper supply.

It’s been 10 years.
TEN YEARS.
Think about it while I try to not make this post last until 2020.

Sidenote: Normally, I wouldn’t write an “end of the year” post over a week before the end of the year… but honestly, if I write about the holidays it might just equal talking about the holidays — of which I’m a little over. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas will be tons of fun, but I feel like its taking forever to get here on top of  not really being in a fa la la la mood this year… more like OKAY ALREADY. I know, so eloquent.

I actually thought to myself last night that it’s a good thing that I didn’t decorate too much because MY FOOT I don’t want to clean it all up once ALL THIS is over and done with. And please… Depressed? I have no reason to be… Hormonal? Like a train wreck…

So while I’m petitioning to skip over the next four days and wake up tomorrow with Santa squeaking right back up that chimney, AND perfecting the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse… Please know that everything should be returning to normal in about 2 weeks…. just in time for 2011 to make her grand entrance…

swans remember everything...

In 1999, 2000 was kind of a big deal. I can remember… we were living in Portsmouth, NH — planning to fly down to Burke, VA to visit best friends for the New Year and Turn of the Century (echo echo echo). I was at the eye doctor getting diagnosed with chronic dry-eyes – aka: inability to produce tears without extreme pain when my Optometrist — a young little female Doogie Howser sat stunned when I told her that my boyfriend and I were planning to fly somewhere to celebrate…. ON A PLANE. But wasn’t I scared? Wasn’t I worried that some cosmic switch was going to flip causing our plane to enter into another dimension? To which I calmly replied – “Well, no…. I hear that 2000 is nothing compared to what 2012 is going to bring.” To which she replied by staring at me blankly — as if her mind had become like dilated pupils all fuzzy dark only to reemerge from the fog in Shangri-La, where I was no longer her patient and she could move on to lighter things… like Beenie Babies and the hideously addictive lure of the food court outside her office walls. Those crazy Druids.

And it would be completely inappropriate to go on and on about the first 10 of the 2000s without making mention of 9-11. None of us will ever forget where we were, what we went through and of course — who and what we lost. Just thinking about that day — which quickly turned into night and then weeks of torture that followed… just thinking about it makes me want to take all the insignificance of the other 9 years and cram them into one of these hideously decorated gift boxes I have laying around — only to be peered into if you want to see extreme happiness and selfless adoration of life… But then I have to slap myself in reminder that life goes on — as we were all able to prove to the universe… Life goes on, and apparently, so does this blog…

Interestingly enough, because we’re back to the really important issue at hand… My current eye doctor is perhaps the 5th most attractive man on the planet, so I’ve never had the gumption to discuss the END OF THE WORLD or flash in the pan collectibles with him out of sheer humility. Our friends from Burke, however, are beyond outgoing– no longer live in VA and now have FOUR KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF TEN. Yes that’s right, and I’ve mentioned them before in unabashed wonder… Which pretty much brings us up to date on where TEN YEARS can lead you. But not really.

The past ten years have been pretty huge for me… as I’m sure they have been for you too. No — I didn’t do anything earth shattering… but each time something changed since 2000, it’s been pretty major… And I could go into a detailed time-line, highlighting each breath and thought process that occurred, but that would just make you feel trapped… in a 10×10′ red room… without a door or window. So, you know what, I’m not even going to get into any of it… ‘It’, of course being the ten years in which I’ve moved between states, gotten married, had a child, become a dog owner, homeowner, opened and closed a mildly successful business, hung out with the devil, learned how to cook, finally grasped the understanding of the term ‘patience’, made incredible new friends AND started the journey of bringing another life into the world. And if that isn’t enough, aside from me… (because I am aware of others when they talk loud enough) many friends and family members have fought and won against life threatening diseases and physical struggles that I can’t even begin to comprehend.

It could be that there are so many things that happened within things in the past ten years that its too hard to fully grasp the enormity of it all. I mean — I’m 35 — I’ve been through three and a half ten year periods and, honestly, the other 2.5 seemed so silly… all premature and childish… Like the word ‘Decade’ is just a fly on the wall of ‘Century’, so WHATEVER, who cares. Once you’ve witnessed the turn of a century, a decade is so 1800s. And with that thought of complete senselessness, I leave you with the thought of ten years (give or take a leap year). TEN YEARS. That’s 5259600 minutes of 3,650 days… Did anything happen?

It barely snowed.
It took Mr. Sal almost 5 hours to get home from the city last night because of the snow.
How many of you think that I actually call him Mr. Sal?
The babysitter showed up today.
Bluedog loves the snow.
The snow is almost gone.
I kind of wish Christmas was this weekend.
Carrot Brownies…. yeah, that’s right…

So here we are! I can just hear you… Gushing with anticipation.

Thanksgiving is upon us. And I know that sounds as heavy as it really is. Heavy — food, family, home, food, friends, relationships, news, football, politics, food. I know, WHATEVER. Almost everyone has that stuff. Or if it isn’t blood relation, its a family of friends — its a group… but most importantly.. its a COMFORT ZONE. I, in particular, have only spent one Thanksgiving really really away from my family. I mean there have been years where I have sat among in-laws and or other additions to my family — my zone-o-comfort, but only once was I really far away — and dudes, it sucked.

Yeah, no. Not going to sugar coat this one. Years upon years ago — another lifetime, even — I spent a college break over Thanksgiving with the family of a boyfriend… the ever DOOMED relationship that every other girl in existence has locked away somewhere… only to pull out for gasps and shrieks of OH MY GOLDEN BAKED BIRD, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?. But that’s all I can say about that….for now.

I spent this one Thanksgiving among a group of über dysfunctionals, while my own family, displaced for a brief year-long stint in Atlanta, enjoyed in splendor among each other. And whatever — I’m sure it wasn’t awesome — both of my sisters were at great ages in Jr. High & High School… TONS OF FUN, right?!? But had I known what I was in for, I would have driven nonstop from Philly to be there with them… Instead, I went to New Jersey (and I’m not knocking, Jeerz). I’m not going to lie. I couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to — everything was gross to me — AND I was hideously uncomfortable — calling every friend I could think of on the phone… if only to interrupt the fun they were having with their own families. Tears burning behind my eyes, and this had been MY CHOICE. I’m sure there are pictures out there somewhere of me at this affair… my hair standing on end, hives all over my body — shoulders resting at complete tension by my ears. The very brush of another’s arm against mine made me flinch… just forget about the nice hello hugs and cheek kissing… I was completely standoffish and impolite… which, given that GRUNGE was so IN — I was probably way hot.

But that was then, and this is now. Now is when I get so juiced up about Thanksgiving that I run outside and cut dried berries to decorate the front door wreath (above.. — shut it, Martha.)… Imagine if I had allowed more experiences such as the one non-family Thanksgiving into my life… Just think about how balls out freaky I’d be. I allowed myself to think about this over this past weekend while my husband and I celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary… I know, SIX is so nothing in the scope of a lifetime… but when you add on another 10+ non-married years, things start to sound a little more permanent. We celebrated by actually GOING OUT TO DINNER, which — if you haven’t heard, is this new trend where you leave the house, sit down in a public establishment and allow someone to wait on you… There are a few bumps in the road… like having to sit near OTHER PEOPLE, but as we giggled our way through the idea of being adults, we were able to drown out the others… that is with the exception of the woman looking for dental floss. Now that was just unforgivable.

In short, the weekend was really nice. We had lovely guests — who were gracious enough to allow us out of the house… I remembered my hideous nightmare of a Thanksgiving on the eve of Thanksgiving… while on our Anniversary — making me beyond grateful for where I am now… and (OMG!) where I most certainly AM NOT. And while it all comes and goes so fast — Christmas is next week, right? — It was so nice to just think about the comfort of  what’s to come this week — even if it equals something… heavy.

Happy Thanksgiving my Friends!

It is always nice to know that we have options.

Happy New Year!