Results tagged "Easter"

Am I alone in noticing that this week is a complete and total wash? I mean — is ANYONE DOING ANYTHING?

Or, is it just me?

Ever since my adventure last week I haven’t been wandering too far from my couch, kitchen and The Learning Channel…. ((shudder)). The things that you can learn on the learning channel are literally life changing. For example… after a marathon of watching HOARDING: BURIED ALIVE, I immediately rethought every “TO DO” project that I have sitting on my desk. I also went on a rampage of tossing any and all wrapping paper that I could get my hands on and am considering throwing things away before I ever use them. I watched two episodes of EXTREME COUPONING and have decided that not only am I a complete idiot… but I’m also hanging off of a Cecropia Tree in the Rainforest by my giant toenails. Because that is how Sloths live– In complete ignorance of the deals right in front of their faces… as I casually toss last weekends coupon circulars into the trash…No one needs 800 jars of mustard and I don’t care about shelf-life.

One thing that I did notice about this week, aside from people doing nothing, is that there is A LOT of shopping going on. I guess that the various religious events, combined with the Easter Bunny have everyone a little giddy with spring fever… How much do you want to bet that there are virgin coupon users wandering the aisles right now — gathering their hoards of No Stick Deodorant and high sodium lunchables… Only in an effort to gain some kind of TLC fame… In hopes of becoming the next HOARDING star. AHHHhhh Cable. Who knew it would come to this?

But back to not doing anything… we’ve had a lot of people visiting and helping out these past few days (since “the incident”), so while I’m enjoying everyone’s company — I’m also not really allowed to do anything. I have wandered out a little, but my ability to sit at the computer for longer than 20 minutes is dwindling as my legs fall asleep. Other fun things that I can’t do include descending stairs, emptying the dishwasher AND reaching anything below my knees. And I know… OH WOE IS ME. Whatever. We’re almost there… But I do hope to have something more interesting to post about next week… you know, when the holiday is over and people start doing things again.

In the interim, please take a minute to watch this clip. A good friend was able to obtain surveillance of the medical team I dealt with last week in Triage…. I must warn you, some of the material may be disturbing.

Nothing says Happy Easter like a team of medical zombies. If you need me, I’ll be out replacing our wrapping paper supply.

I don’t think that I will ever understand the connection between eggs, chickens and over sized scary rabbits when it comes to the celebration of one man’s (alleged) struggle to save the universe from eternal damnation.

I was leaving the grocery store today when a fleet of angry carts rolled through the parking lot and launched an attack. It was raining and super windy and who knows why they selected me — seeing how I parked my misanthropic beast of an SUV a million miles from the store. Regardless, they rolled with fury and as I lifted Will into his car seat I stepped right into a massive puddle… I could feel them pressing their metal up against my back so after locking the boy in place I turned and glared for them to retreat… My feet soaking in grocery store parking lot muck — they taunted me by spinning their wheels so I yelled – - I KNOW! I KNOW I NEVER THANKED MY READERS FOR ALL THE LOVE! And, having admitted this, they started to back-off… while I, in turn, wet–cold and defeated, drove out of the parking lot in ultimate stealth mode… only to catch them eyeing my exit. 

And it is with great pleasure that I thank the following for recognizing me and all of my aimless internet babble:

Dufmanno: Thank you for the “I Heart Your Blog” award. I’ll meet you in 1986 where we can shimmy to Two of Hearts in all of our Stacey Q glory. Then we can play The Police’s “MOTHER” backwards and find the real meaning behind the reason… in the dark. 

Lagunatic: Thank you for the “Honest Scrap” award. I’ll meet you at Easter with a basket of chocolate eggs. Because chicken embryos are off limits. Sistah. Then we can bore ourselves to death by thanking each other over and over again until we get angry and have a cat fight because we were being all too polite to begin with.

and…

Dear Vapid: Thank you for the “I Heart Your Blog” award. Honestly, when we meet I hope that we don’t worry others around us too much with endless obscenities and giggling. Nonstop spasmodic giggling. I’m giggling right now. And you are too. Stop. STOP. At least we will be wearing capes.

So that’s it for now. And now I’m weepy from the love. Did I mention that I love you? ALL of you? Even the ones out there that completely ignore me. And then read my blog. The ones that send me mean emails. And then read my blog. The ones that get super annoyed with me on an almost daily basis. And then read my blog… and then read my other blog. blog blog blog blog.

Yes – it’s the truth. And because of this fact, my mind decided to leave my body and go on a little vaca — thus leaving the rest of me to fend for itself in this merciless society that spends countless hours of judging itself. I’m not clear on the reasons, exactly, for the departure… being mindless at the moment… but I think it had something to do with a massive dumping of obscure golfer behaviors paired with Sid the Scientist’s cracked out Grandma doing the Chicken Dance with Elmo. Not to mention that a bastard-red headed demon of a camp owner was just caught stealing some of my design work — Merry Christmas…. let the bad PR elf dance all over your 4′ self. Things have been a little up and down. A little bald hairy. A little POP CULTURE.

And so, as I digress. If you need me, I’ll be under the dining room table with my Etch-A-Sketch and clementines, hugging the bottle of Chardonnay with bunny ears on in preparation for Easter.