Results tagged "Google"

The internet is a weird place.

So weird, in fact, that I find myself letting it get to me…. As if someday the internet is going to come alive, realize that I’m here and then hand me a big ol’ box of validation. And I can be like, “Where have you been all my life?” and Internet will reply, “I’ve been here the whole time, and since you’ve invested so much time and patience in me, I’ve decided to reward you with this barrel of monkeys”…. To which I will gasp — throwing the monkeys back in Internet’s face — THAT’S IT? A STINKING BARREL OF SMELLY MONKEYS! After YEARS of pouring countless words, thoughts and dribble into the world wide web(ular) — There’s NOTHING in return!? And, as the big bad Internet hangs it’s head and turns to leave it whispers, “but you can’t live without me”… And then David Lynch steps out of the pantry, eating a quince while exiting stage left… And Julian Schnabel, who is suddenly standing next to me, snarfs a rhinoceros laugh and then suggests that his whole ‘Jesus in a Jar of Urine’ period was really about switching his brand of deodorant. Because if validation is knowing that a Google search for “BIRDS SPONGIFORM ENCEPHALOPATHY”, pops this blog up as numero 3 — then maybe I need to reevaluate my internet existence.

And I know. I need to stay away from the Internet when I’m in one of these ‘What does it all MEAN’ frames of mind, but really.

In other news, here’s a little promo I did for Big City Kitchen…. A food and photography blog that our friend Amanda recently launched. And I say “our” to be inclusive of the Internet, which is really quite heavy and should  consider cutting back on the number of food related blogs that it allows and, quite honestly SUCK. Therefore leaving more room for real food blogs like Big City Kitchen and Will’s Kitchen. Then, maybe we can convince our new skinny Internet to cut back on the porn and really bad content bloggers, thus allowing even more space for real internet users to spread themselves out all over the place — pintresting ourselves silly until we blow up, raining wwws all over the place.

I went online this morning to look up how to beat Pneumonia, but apparently it isn’t on the top of Google’s list…

But WHY NOT?  Because, Will is currently moaning after every Pneumonic cough. Josephine is coughing as well, but with only a cold we hope. And I — well let’s just say that I’m attempting to keep my head above the sea of mucus that I’m currently drowning in. Gross, I know… And apparently — Google doesn’t really know anything about priorities, although deleting Facebook might find us a healthier society… you know, one that doesn’t obsess over Superbowl commercials staring Clint Eastwood.

I’d say that I’m going to do something about this… get angry and mad that it always seems to be ME searching for the answers when there are so few. But no. I’m tired… SO VERY TIRED. So, here… while we’re getting better, this is what we looked like last week — when life was fair and noses were simply running and Dirty Harry was, well…. DIRTY.

Currently accepting love and sympathy at an arms distance.

“I can’t believe I forgot her formula”…

As my eyes locked with those of the cashier. “I can see it on the shelf — it was the whole reason we came to the store today… I’ll be right back”, as I grabbed the three year old, my other hand wrapped around the infant carrier strapped to my chest. I didn’t miss the moans and exasperated sighs from the lengthy line behind me… “She’s just getting the milk for her baby, the poor thing” I heard the cashier attempt to explain.. As if I were some feeble creature, obviously in need of guidance.

Was I the poor thing, or my baby? We hadn’t yet paid for the rest of our groceries, and 30 seconds later when I returned with the infant formula, the glares of hatred that I received didn’t have to blink twice before reminding me that this is August. August in the Hamptons… and what took me so long? Didn’t I notice the other people waiting? The people that don’t live here year round and shop in this very store at least twice a week. The people that never forget ANYTHING. And the people that don’t seem to realize that, despite having dropped college-tuition-amounts of money to be here, they are in fact, on vacation…. which I happened to just look up on Google and, despite my attempts to cause ruin, still means ‘An extended period of recreation…A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation’. How could I be so selfish?

But this comes as no surprise… in fact, the surprise only comes when the random act of kindness appears — such as the woman yesterday that commented on how well behaved my son is. That, coming from someone that just described waiting in the deli line for a grilled chicken breast as “Hell on Earth”. Because, dear Lord, WHY does she have to wait. Why are the deli-people doing this to her? What did she ever do to them? Don’t they know? WHY DO THEY HATE HER SO MUCH?

But they don’t. They don’t hate you — that is to say that they don’t want to hate you. You spend your money here… which in turn makes the big bad economy go round, so please — be welcome. But really. What is with all the stress? The anger? This might be typical New York and you might be trying to relax, but before you get into that car and attempt to speed demon yourself down main street, TRY HARDER. Some people are backing out of parking spaces in vacationer euphoria — THEY DON’T SEE YOU COMING.

Because, I know that you paid for what they think the Hamptons should be — which is each individual’s definition of high priced perfection. But please, your vacation is stressing me out. Watch that blood pressure, and lay it on back… We have a few weeks to go.

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This post is being repeated over at Southampton Patch… because it’s fun to share.  You can go there, or stay here… do whatcha like.

This is my interim kitchen desk.

The Boy is outside playing where I can see him (sort of), as is the Bluedog… And the baby is sleeping in her “sling” behind me. My desk is further inside the house (pictured here) but by being at the kitchen table, I am able to do about 12 things at the same time. And — the sling (also pictured here and here), which we like to call it because we aren’t going to refer to it as it’s real name, is probably the best thing to happen to babies and Moms lately… I highly recommend. That is unless you are on the team that thinks Fisher Price is the Devil… in which case, may I suggest removing your head from the bodily nether-regions. Say good-bye to crazytown. Because, WHATEVER, if it’s safe and the baby likes it — it works for me.

I have to do 12 things at once. Sometimes 13. And I know, WHY? We’ve discussed this several times before — the list making.. the obsessions, the NEEDS. But really, without getting all into it AGAIN, what is the big deal? I can overanalyze for hours.. until you stop hearing me and it all turns to white noise… Kind of like all of these political jackasses that think they are doing what is right for the American People… when I’m all DUDES – who the hell asked you to do ANYTHING.. that is, right before I crawl back under my rock where I pretend to ignore all things BUDGET, and OH YEAH, elections. But you know as well as I do that I just like to be busy.

Because, and here it is — THE POINT — remember that job offer I mentioned the other day? You know. The one that offered REAL money and the one that I, very appropriately, TURNED DOWN? Well — all things considered — I’ve allowed it to go to my head. (SHOCK.GASP. YAWN) That’s right. Aside from not having any of the required skills or time for the position, other than knowing about design and a few things blog, I have allowed the level of flattery to take me to places where I start to think that I could zero in, focus, and somehow turn this blog into something more functional. And, although I’m not quite sure where this inspiration will lead, I am starting to think more about the DIY’ers and the list makers — And I’m talking about the really good ones… coochicoos; eye blog; minor details; nonchalant mom; noodlehead; oh joy; paper+cup; re-nest (of course); not martha; small for big; ucreate; death by kerning, which is now called “pictures”, which is beyond lame… And a world of others that, if you dare, you can find shared over in the public resting area of my google account. The private area is well.. PRIVATE.

Design incorporation with a real life twist. I mean, the internet is vast as are the endless connections and references at my fingertips… it’s just a matter of getting started, letting it morph and then sprinkling in consistency… I’ve already started on the research — and considering last week’s offer, I think I might be good at it… that is unless they just wanted me for my charm and sparkling personality…Or, I know — for my GRACE, Right? And, I know, just waiting on the “IT” definition… but it’ll come to me, eventually.

Now with added personality so that your bugs can accessorize too!
Those crazy toy makers. The minds on them.

Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in…

Participation on this blog has seen better days, and it’s really all my fault.

In the early days I was bold and didn’t even allow people to comment. It was a combination of  “I’m too good for you” and “I hope to hell that no one is reading this.” But that was then and this is now. Time passed by and I grew to learn about the ins and outs of the blogosphere. One thing was clear, participation is detrimental to your survival. Readers want you on that wall, they need you on that wall.

And so I started to let down the guard one privacy preference at a time. Then, somewhere midway down the line, I started having fun — and you just KNOW that nothing good can come from fun. I was in a comfort zone all cozy and cradled. And with this, I removed all the rules. I mean really, who needs RULES ANYWAY?

So things moved on and the world was good. But it didn’t take long before it started happening. It was like someone released an ad campaign out to the weirdos of the world — SHE’S A SITTING DUCK! And an attack was launched. They were here, and they planned to stay… and with that, the spammers moved in, the weird comments began and a few others let themselves be heard.
 

A few weeks ago I received an award from an awesome For the Birds regular… a woman that I share my life with @Twitter – and vice verse. I like this woman and I think she likes me… not like in the sense of like, like.. but I’ll say “like” nonetheless because I’m not going to be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it). She sent me this award in the highest regard for any blogger – that flashing moment of an idea that she actually reads this blog, and I truly appreciate it… The problem however, is that the award acceptance rules state that I have to tell you–yes you, World Wide Web, 10 somethings about me. 10 HONEST SOMETHINGS.

I don’t think I’ve ever lied on this blog. I’d go back and check, but that means that I’d have to go back and read all the stuff that I’ve written about myself and I think I’d rather go clean the underbelly of the basement refrigerator…. BRB! 

So, like I said, this was a few weeks ago… and although my social media virtual friend (I swear she’s not imaginary) has probably forgotten all about it – because let’s face it — she decided to go on living her life instead of cursing my existence… Why haven’t I complied with the Honestscrap Award — WHY?!?! Well, to tell you the truth, I have over-thought the idea of telling you 10 more THINGS about me — especially honest things… because I’ve already told you almost EVERYTHING… therefore anything else would have to be a lie….And I would tell it all to you again, but in justifying my position, I’ve already fallen asleep on the keyboard. Again.

But I will give you something… I will give you 10 somethings that might be true about me… and I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination…

10 Things about me that might be true

1. I’m a terrific dancer.
2. I blame my fear of heights on an undiagnosed case of vertigo.
3. I panic a little bit every time I check the mail.
4. I am generally all over the place.
5. I can hold a grudge forever–typically due to an over-reaction of sorts.
6. I will only watch scary movies alone. On purpose.
7. I’m a terrible liar.
8. Google was my idea. Jerkstores.
9. I am a control freak.
10. I take this award thing seriously. 

So that’s it, really. Thanks again for acknowledging For The Birds – the blog truly appreciates it and would love to come over for tea sometime–Oh and I would come too, but the blog is currently glaring at me for over-analyzing the award acceptance…So I’m keeping my distance to avoid the scathing silent treatment.

In the interim, please take the time to check out the following blogs that also deserve an award for Honestly, Anything… Brilliant Spread , 5 Forks , Minor Details , Makko Ho , Imagination Soup , David the Designer (yep, I’m still stalking), and Oh Joy! And if this list isn’t all over the place, I don’t know what is.

Its been a few days now since Guest Birds have started landing here at For the Birds. I am both boggled and overwhelmingly flattered by the response that I have received. It’s been fun to connect with everyone in this new and interesting way…  Although, I do have to come clean and admit, however, that this was not originally my idea. Bloggers have been guesting or contributing since the beginning of Blognation… But it is unusual, perhaps, for a website such as For the Birds.

It all started when I was approached by a woman that is writing an allergy cookbook for kids. Those of you that read this blog know that this is a topic that I am deeply involved with so — it should come as no surprise that I rolled out the red carpet and agreed to have the author submit a guest post in promotion of her upcoming book. We emailed back and forth  – how exciting, blah blah blah… then silence. Nothing. Just my voice echoing in the caverns of the internet… I waited for two weeks and then emailed her again…

See — I am an avid scheduler. I even schedule things that have already happened. And then there is my patience and the lack there-of. So the relationship was beginning to itch a little when she responded – Next week she would be sending me her piece. Hurrah! Quick to the Internet – tell the world! And so I did … Well, either I took my wit and hit her over the head with a cinder block or Ooops, stuck my foot out and Whoops down the marble stairs she fell… Or… (read from the bottom up)

Hey you – Yeah, YOU. You out there among the wires and sparks of the World Wide Web. What do you think of this?

This post, screen captured above, belongs to Seth Godin. You can read it on his blog here.