Results tagged "Infectious disease"

UGH.

I have the flu. THE FLU. Influenza…(insert prescription medication commercial voice– I call her Linda) is commonly referred to as the flu, is an infectious disease caused by RNA viruses of the family Orthomyxoviridae (the influenza viruses), that affects birds and mammals. The most common symptoms of the disease are chills, fever, sore throat, muscle pains, severe headache, coughing, weakness/fatigue and general discomfort…. — Just in case you were wondering, and thank you Linda. I’ve been entertaining both Linda and the Flu since Tuesday — or at least that’s when they decided to tap me on the shoulder and notify me of their presence. Now, every time I get the chills, Linda monotonously chimes in “Chills or rigor is a shaking occurring during a high fever. It occurs because cytokines and prostaglandins are released as part of an immune response and increase the set point for body temperature in the hypothalamus. “Rigor” is sometimes considered a synonym for “chills”.” Because I needed to know.

And, I hear you. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? But, YES. I did get the flu shot — months ago. WE ALL DID. Even Allergy Boy was allowed to get one this year. We aren’t anti. In fact — WE LOVE to be vaccinated… HOWEVER, apparently the FLU is just like people and comes with many different faces, or as Linda calls them “Strains” (variants of plants, viruses or bacteria; or an inbred animal used for experimental purposes) and what people are vaccinated for is really just the BIG FLU. Not this little flu, of which I only have a mild touch of– making me cringe at what it must feel like to have the BIG FLU…. As I lay around freezing and sweating — every part of my body screaming “JUST TAKE ME NOW”, as I grab my own shoulders yelling “MAN UP!”. It’s a delicate dance and it really doesn’t help that Linda sits around here laughing and dropping bits of popcorn all over the house. The dog won’t eat popcorn.. so now I have to clean.

Add to this that the baby is teething. Which isn’t only a comedy of errors, but also a juxtaposition of fate SO UNFAIR that one can only sit at the edge of their seats in frozen horror. One must COMFORT the baby that won’t sleep because a pain larger than any adult human can stand is attacking her very being — but not too close, you have the FLU!…. I know you’re watching.

Shut it, Linda.

But the good news is that I’m on the “upside” of this little touch of flu… Now if we can just get that tooth to appear, maybe sleep will reenter our lives as well. AND Speaking of something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the Flu, but could be relatable to teeth in some zoned out health starved mind, is that over the weekend we discovered FROZEN BASIL. Which, to say we discovered it is a bold and, albeit beautifully brandished lie — Because Not Martha told us about it first.

We freeze our own Basil at the end of each summer, so when I first saw the Dorot packages in the grocery store freezer I was overcome by the sillies and laughed my way through the shopping aisles like a mad person. Even the guy that talks to his pocket protector while he stocks the shelves looked at me like I was Dr. Evil. But by this time of the winter, nearing Spring, our Basil supply is gone and the scraps are rather freezer burnt, so we hang our heads and wait — over salting and turning to the dried out options. I had honestly forgotten about the freezer aisle incident until about a month or so ago when Not Martha was brave enough to try.

The end result of our throwing a few cubes into our sauce over the weekend was really, quite pleasant — AND it’s nice to know that there are a few little cubes of fresh love in the freezer should we need, you know… Basil. But I do recommend that you head on over to read Not Martha’s review, because– not only are her pictures filled with slightly more deliciousness, but Linda is worried that you’ve been here a while now — and who knows if I’m still contagious…. “The boundary between contagious and non-contagious infectious diseases is not perfectly drawn….”

 

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After sitting in the H1N1 tank disguised as Dr. F’s waiting room for almost over an hour… My name was called.

Dr. F: Why do you want to get a flu shot?
Me: Why, do I have to qualify for one?

Dr. F silently glares at me over his glasses.

Me: Well, because you pinched me last winter when I came to you dying of influenza – 102 fever, glands swollen to the size of grapefruits. Then you yelled at me. Also, my son, who is two, can’t get the either of the flu shots. I don’t usually enjoy injecting anything into my body, but I feel that I might be a good candidate.

Dr. F: Your son needs to get both shots, why won’t you allow him to have them?
Me: I would most definitely give him the shots but he’s allergic to eggs and both vaccines are grown in eggs.
Dr. F: Did you take him to an Allergist?
Me: (in my head) No, a Veterinarian.
Me: Yes, Dr. B. He is B to the A awe-some.

Dr. F: What kind of test did he have?
Me: Blood
Dr. F: Are you sure the results were 100%?
Me: Yes.
Dr. F: You should double check.
Me: I’ve checked, but also there isn’t a Pediatrician or Allergist alive that will give the flu shots to a 2 year old that is even remotely allergic to eggs.

Dr. F: Well your husband needs the flu shot too.
Me: He was here on Friday and you gave him one.
Dr. F: He’s not on this list – he didn’t get one.
Me: I was waiting in the car outside while he came in to get one.
Dr. F: Why were you waiting in the car, you could have come in to get one too.
Me: I was in the car so that we wouldn’t have to bring our son into your infested waiting room and I did come in after he had his shot but the wait was too long so I’m here now.
Dr. F: Well he’s not on this list.
Me: Well, Dr. F, the list is wrong.

We silently stare at each other.

Dr. F: RUTH!?!?! Can you check the other list to see if Mr. Sal had his flu shot on Friday?
Me: The “other” list?

Dr. F says nothing and gets up to prepare my flu shot.

Me: Dr. F, the “other” list?

Dr. F walks over to me, asks me to roll up my sleeve and then–with all the mighty force in his aging 5′ body, proceeds to jam the flu shot into my arm muscle. That was five days ago and my arm is still sore.

Me: Ouch!

Dr. F: RUTH?!?!?

Ruth: He’s on this list. He was here and got the shot.

Dr. F: (not looking at me) Okay, well at least he’s on A list.

Dr. F leaves the room.

Ruth: NEXT PATIENT!!!!!

  

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