Results tagged "JerseyShore"

Pugsatony Phil’s got Nothin.

By Ry M. Sal on February 02, 2010 1:21 PM | 3 Comments

I guess the time has come for reality to finally hit the Hamptons. I mean really. Those of us that live here know how tough it can be… I mean just now I had to lift a finger. I was thinking yesterday about how what we need is a serious reality check. Out here, sitting in the Atlantic Ocean — just a barrier for the Connecticut coastline… the tip of the sandbar, if you will. Not unlike the beacon  of light that shoots from the Vegas skyline… And then, as it comes to pass–and before I get all existential…because it is Groundhog Day… starring Bill Murray, and I’m in no mood for chitchat–The Jersey Shore is thinking about paying us a visit.

alg_jersey_shore_cast.jpgI know.
I didn’t know who they were either until I decided to roll off my pedestal and get a clue.

Because I know the Jersey Shore cast members are all REALITY professionals that will treat the Hamptons like their very own stomping ground… Not having watched MTV in a really long time… and then sitting glued with eyes peeled open in mesmerizing awe… Coming to the realization that there is hope for mental dullness…. in a really REAL way.

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Because as you can see, our tree lined streets actually DO resemble that of a totally rockin’ boardwalk with bars that spill out wreaking of yager. And that lady there in the pink shorts and sun hat – she is just OFF THE HOOK.

jerseyshore_2.jpgWe do have things to do here. Maybe that is the attraction.

jerseyshore_3.jpgHair.

jerseyshore_4.jpgJob’s Lane in Southampton – just oozes SEX.

jerseyshore_5.jpgBecause this is America and if you can you will.

And I’m not knocking New Jersey and it’s gorgeous coastline which also had the pleasure of accommodating the cast of The Jersey Shore… so just BACK DOWN JERZZ. All I’m saying is that it makes sense. TONS of REAL SENSE. And while everyone is running around making TONS OF SENSE, those of us that live here will just have to wait. So in the interim, because I’m tired of being rich and famous — you know, because I live in the Hamptons, I’ll be here in my coma of bliss and ignorance.

It is good to know that the chaos remains intact.

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Missing In Action

By Ry M. Sal on October 26, 2009 11:03 AM | 2 Comments

This is Mia – or as my son recently renamed her “Meow”.

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In 1995, while walking on a beach in New Jersey (don’t ask.) I came upon a woman with a box of found kittens. DANGER. But what is a twenty-something-year old college student to do in a situation like this? Well… ADOPT THEM ALL of course. I knew this wasn’t realistic… but then again, neither was adopting one… but what did I know – there I was, faced with a giant box of KITTENS! Something had to be done. And so I grabbed a kitty and ran. Literally. I brought the feline home to meet my roommates — living in a brownstone on Philadelphia’s fabulous Main Line. Almost immediately she took off somewhere in the house… we didn’t see her for days and I assumed that she had hightailed it back to the beach.. But then she responded “meow” to a cat on TV and we realized that she was IN THE WALL. In a tizzy of “the cat is in the wall” madness — and probably drunk to boot, we clamored through the house until she appeared. We coined her “Mia” – for Missing in Action, and went on our way. But did we know the life we had committed ourselves to?

Mia lived with us in Philadelphia until we all graduated and moved on with our lives. She had survived countless parties, upheavals, all-nighters and unabashed zoo-like behaviors. Needless to say she was just shy of the wrong side of crazy so… I took her home to live with my parents where she again found another cozy wall to hide inside of. After a while she gained the gumption to move out into the house, found a love for gaming–trapping, killing… As well as hoarding cat food behind major appliances in preparation for Armageddon. She’s even taken the initiative to check out the neighbors homes should she need alternate accommodations. It’s always good to have choices.

But Mia didn’t just survive being found on the Jersey Shore, college, and then moving to a life of stability… She was also in the car with me when a real MILITARY HUM-V back-ended my Ford Escort and sent us flying through the air  — cat travel box airborne – and into the shrubbery of Binney Park. We were both fine – the Escort, regrettably, had to be put down shortly after.

Mia performs her floor routine in the kitchen where she stretches and rolls… waiting for your foot to come just close enough for a nice nails out swat. This weekend while visiting, she thoroughly enjoyed the insanity of Will riding his trike throughout the house… Just close enough to miss her tail–Taking pleasure in living on the edge. She is older now and has settled into her ways of being completely unpredictable in every way… whatever way that may be.

(correction.. for those of you that read this before 6:09pm EST – Mia was born and adopted in 1995–not 2005. Hey — I was in the moment.)

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Zoom Zoom…

By Ry M. Sal on August 20, 2009 10:36 AM | 0 Comments

Yesterday I drove to the Breakwater Design Studio in Bridgehampton.. (I know, what was I thinking?) I put Will in his car seat and hopped on CR39 to 27 East–crept past the Southampton Jitney stop and onto the back roads. Somehow, I made it –I breezed right past the angry traffic demons that haunt the Hamptons and into “Bridge” in under 20 minutes. What?–Even then, slinking over Main Street and behind the Candy Kitchen to our back parking lot… a space awaited. A huge parking space in our building’s private lot that is used by… well everyone in town. I was stunned… I was amazed. Our stay was short, as was our stroll around town–packed with shopping lunchers, and then we were back at it — this time heading west. I drove our tank of a Toyota with the aggression of a graceful charging mother elephant… only to find ourselves home again in under 20. Angels singing. The heavens have finally acknowledged the number of lifetime hours that I have spent driving a car, sitting still in traffic. I am a Golden God. 

I know, this is a very tedious description of a rather lame afternoon — but while nearing the confines of the main drag, I spied traffic sitters on 27 — going east with their boats in tow — bikes, over packed cars… all frustrated to the nines. All too familiar to me and all in the name of the beach…

A few weeks ago, I drove — with loving passengers — to Rehoboth, Delaware. We left around 9am on a Saturday… spent about 4 hours, which should have been 2 on the NJ Turnpike and another 3 on some god-forsaken route in Delaware.. which should have taken under an hour. Stop, go, stop, go, stop… torture.  I was not involved with the suicidal timing of this quest, but I don’t think it had too much to do with it. Had it been Tuesday at 5:30am, we still would have found ourselves at a standstill. Be it The Hamptons, Cape Cod, The Jersey Shore, Rye Beach New
Hampshire, Ogunquit Maine, Ocean City Maryland, Todd’s Point… The
long-awaited shoreline of choice does not come without a few hours, if
not days, of self-inflicted sacrifice. Just focus, pack mean snacks, keep one hand on the wheel…your foot hovering over the break and breathe–September is only  a few weeks away.

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