Results tagged "Kids and Teens"

It means so many things.

Just tonight, for instance, a dear friend recommended this topic… 20 minutes later and just 5 minutes shy of bedtime, Will ran naked and free through the house like a wild child… Only to face the consequences of such freedom by projectile rocketing his dinner all over the house. He’s fine now…. and if I weren’t so responsible sitting here with the baby monitor strapped to my head as he sleeps… I might like to throw caution to the wind, taking a glance at the martini glasses..  But no…I’ll only feel Plowed later. It parallels to the ad I just placed in the paper yesterday for a part time Childcare/Personal Assistant position… I thought Personal Assistant sounded so much more fun and exciting than “Mother’s Helper”… Well – sexy sells because today I had a HUMONGOUS response… humongous being the WORD OF THE DAY.. ringing in my ears. People need work, huh?… kidding. I really just want some overachieving high school kid to play with my son for an hour and then pick up my mail while I work. Because… Yes, before I get Plowed, the work is starting again.

But can you imagine being the snow? Seeing this winter in the forecast and thinking (because we all know snow thinks) This is it! This is the winter that I am going to fall from the sky and do my mighty snow dance all over planet earth… only to fall, settle in a bit, and be unsuspectingly PLOWED… after all that hard work and build up..  It isn’t unlike quicksand if you think about it… I mean, what CAN YOU DO? I know snow. My husband owns a plow and PLOWS SNOW… I’ve been PLOWING… Not so much fun, to tell you the truth… Snow. I’ve lived in heaps of it throughout many locations and times in my life and this winter has been eternal.. Plowing us under… I can pick snow up and tell you what kind it is… what wine to drink with it… what heel to wear. It’s a gift, I know… but I’m getting off track.

This winter, my friends, is the retribution for all of our plowing. While the weather people of the world unite and try to scare the daylights out of us before a flake falls… The snow this year has taken heed. It isn’t unlike anything else in life that can’t be predicted.. leaving us with our feet stuck in a mess of something frozen, cold and extremely uncomfortable.. I’m spent. Who wants to get plowed?

You want to see how my brain feels this week? You should take a look at this rattle over at Small for Big. With a brain that squirrelly, this week’s picks are more feel good than ever. When I was a kid I used to say “Simple pleasures for complex minds, we need the break”. Yeah, I was a nerd, you hadn’t guessed that yet? With the weird prose I write? Regardles, let’s focus on visually lovely things that might help my mind rest a bit. Feel free to buy any one of these and send it to me pronto. I’d love you forever.

1. Roost
   Nairobi Stool, Velocity Art & Design $150
2. Offshore
   Convertible Top, Free People $48
3. Silver
   Deer Necklace, Retro Skor, $16.99
4. Built
   by NYC Shoulder Bag – Girard Collection, Swiss Knife Shop $69.99
5. Woodland
   Owl Wing Headband, Sleepy King, $16
6. Ry’s addition to this week’s Random Five — because we are on complex patterns and she loves to shop for her niece, (slightly obsessed with little girl clothes because she has a bruiser of a boy two year old) — Check out a new FTB Twitter Follower VYSSAN LULL’s Retro Dress Orange by Strömming, $62:

Okay. So today is Wednesday January 27, 2010. I know I ranted a few days ago about things all changing at once but this is ridiculous although I’m feeling less stressed because I think its finally sunk  into my stubborn-never-do-anything-different-or-modify-things-in-an-way-shape-or-form head that nothing is the same, and that’s okay. Can anyone out there tell me if something has caused this? Some MOON thing or the tides – or is this the year of the chicken or duck or something? Because it seems like a lifetime ago that things were normal and it’s only been a few weeks. And if I could just get an hour at the keyboard to myself then I might be able to retain my sanity because there are four days left in this FORSAKEN MONTH and what else could possibly happen? Because I knew that things would change… but all in a span of four weeks? Here is the run down and I apologize for the repetition:

1. I stopped eating dairy and eggs. I thought I’d try this because Will can’t eat dairy or eggs and I wanted to see what would happen. Well, its not that bad, but with the unexpected super fast loss of 5 pounds, one has to worry about what I’ve done to my body thus far AND none of my clothes fit me — I’m wearing a bag right now… with a nice belt.
2. The 5 pound loss could also be attributed to the change in dinner routine where we actually sit down by FIVE THIRTY PM as a family to eat instead of waiting for Will to go to bed and then make dinner by  – oh 10:00.
3. We started working on THE HOUSE. Which is great but now I’m obsessed with decor and finding it hard to concentrate on most other things including WORK.
4. Not concentrating on work is okay since I am a killer procrastinator and started another blog AND was just relieved of my office lease– which I had another 6 months on. So now I can run free through the meadow in my bag and nice belt, finally CLOSE THE COMPANY and become an Independent Creative Consultant (again).
5. Closing the company is actually a huge relief because its been the bane of my existence since co-founding it with that boob half-wit of an ex-business partner. Then there were those people at that magazine which made life just so unnecessarily annoying. Then there were all those other clients that couldn’t/wouldn’t pay for requested work and others that stole design ideas and found cheaper firms to produce. And then let us not forget the disgruntled employees, disappearing programmers and the freelancers that borrowed things from the office. I did, however, have the opportunity to work on amazing projects with a few amazing people — but once the economy stopped cooperating and throwing money at us, the daily stress of operation was overwhelming.
6. Being an Independent (again) is also a good thing because the nap that moved from the morning to afternoon two weeks ago is now OVER. As I just now say “go lay down” again to the head peeking around the corner as I type this as fast as possible. Because this morning he jumped out of his crib at 6 am. It scared all of us but I got him to lay down again — only to have him acrobatically leap out again with the grace of a gazelle and land on his feet less than five minutes later. And, after modifying his crib so that he won’t break his neck, nap time has turned into a game of “see how many times Mom will tell me to go lay down before she admits that this isn’t working and the nap is over”. Bedtime will be interesting.
7. I suppose this game of not napping isn’t as bad as the DON’T SAY THAT game where he says “f’ing idiot” and I say “DON’T say that” which only results in him saying it like 18 more times with a huge smile on his face. I’m so looking forward to him starting preschool next week so that he can play this with a complete stranger that won’t judge me AT ALL. Then there’s the whole potty thing which he decided he wanted to try. Damn this PARENT THING IS HARD. And now he’s in the hallway rocking chair singing it with pride.

So, given that there are four more days of January, and my sanity is being held up by a thin strand of the ability to laugh at myself in humbling situations. I can only look forward to February where the seas will part, money floweth free and the sanctity of WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NEXT will remain a game  of “Go Lay Down”. Right?

While folding laundry last night, in my pajamas at 7:30pm, the phone rang – it was Amy’s Carpet Cleaners wanting to know if they could come over and steam my carpets…

Ordinarily my response would have cut them off at hello and snapped “TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALLER LIST” but I wasn’t feeling quite like myself so I listened to his shpeal and then politely said, thank you but we don’t have any carpets. He said oh, okay thanks good bye. I felt a little dizzy and hung up the phone when an overwhelming sense of calm poured over me. Almost like none of it matters anyway so why are you so stressed out? And then it hit me — that wasn’t the Amy’s Carpet Guy – that was REALITY calling. The Amy’s Carpet Guy was really a supreme being that felt my vibrations of WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and decided to soar in before possible disaster. Because aside from all things career not happening — everything else is. Since New Year’s day a mountain of STUFF found our little lives and thought – hey, yeah, cool. And of course, most of it we’ve done to ourselves – the house, the blogs, the diet changes, the routine change of eating dinner with Will at 5:30 instead of boozing until 10 and ordering pizza.. well, not quite boozing — but do you know how fast time flies between 6 & 10 PM? For the first 2 years of Will’s life we’ve been so happy that he goes to bed successfully by 7:30 that we’ve partied like rock stars for a few hours after… But that isn’t all. Will decided, with the event of the New Year, to stop napping in the mornings and, instead wait until after lunch… which is totally fine except that now I have to get everything done errand and house wise with him before noon — which means that I have to go out. Which means that PEOPLE WILL SEE ME in the morning… which means that now I have to think about that the pile of clothes on my closet floor first thing in the morning instead of around lunch time.

But I can’t even go into the torture of what does this all MEAN?!?! Not to mention that the word “shpeal” is in the Urban Dictionary and is defined – someone’s repeated talk jabber. mainly BS…. Which insists that the Amy’s Carpet Guy was just some guy at a phone center trying to make an extra buck since cigarettes apparently cost $9.00 a pack. And then there’s real life out there making me feel bad every time I look up – whining about routine changes and dirty clothes when real disasters ARE REALLY HAPPENING and all I want to do is watch the Food Network so thank goodness Bobby Flay decided to kick some ass and put it back on Cablevision. Can you imagine how mad he gets?

In short, because you know this has to end eventually, the earth might be on this whole rotation thing around the sun because it’s used to spinning on an axis in the atmosphere… but just wait until it decides to start bouncing up and down instead… because it just MIGHT.

Before the New Year began I reached out and asked my readers to tell me about their 2009 experience and hopes for 2010. If you missed it, read it here. It was during the receipt of several dismal responses that I realized that 2009 was not so great for everyone… Most of the responses were so blatantly pathetic and whiny that I decided not to publish them. Out of the few that I did publish… and because of my growing obsession with the readers of this blog (just who are you anyway?) I chose from the authors at random for this interview… I knew what I was getting into–A Vapid Blonde was a contender… A woman whose blog I read and admire if not for her direct wit and sarcastic observations… but for her enviable ability to swear like a sailor — dropping the “F” word left and right… sometimes compiling several instances of the word to form complete sentences… It is her writing that I turn to read when I find myself cursing and looking for new ways to express myself… When Vapid’s name was selected.. my ears burned a little…

Watching the latest blizzard blow through the Berkshires, I felt a chill as the diner door opened… Why am I sitting with my back to the door?… I heard her laugh as I turned… she tossed her keys on the table… sitting across from me she smiled and said “Fucking Snow“… The interview began..

Let’s just get this out of the way… What is your favorite curse word? MOTHER FUCKER, heh I bet you never would have guessed that! I think I’ll be hearing it in that exact tone for the rest of the day. It actually makes me grin from ear to ear when ever I say it!

It is always nice to know that we have options.

Happy New Year!

So, we were watching TV last night… and well, nothing was on–so we turned to the Food Network… always a good standby. It was Diners Drive-ins & Dives with that funny-haired fella that I swear, is seriously holding back his inner GAY. I know he’s married… but so is Will Smith and Brad Pitt… wait, Brad Pitt isn’t married… what’s going on there? GAY. I said it here first… Unless you said it before me… isn’t there anything original anymore? So.. anyway, the GUY named GUY on “Triple D” (ew) was bouncing off the walls over some sort of fleshy overcooked meat when he picked up a plastic dipping cup and drank the Au Jus. I said–out loud–”HE JUST DRANK THE AU JUS…” and then it occurred to me that New Year’s is next week.
Well here we are. Time sure does fly, doesn’t it! What were you thinking this time last year? Were you excited about 2009? Were you looking forward to all good things to come or were you dreading the days ahead? For me – 2009 was one massive battle of good vs. evil… demons and angels… sweet & sour vs. hot & spicy. There was always an antithesis of each particular moment… looking down at me from way up high… getting ready to launch the next throw down test of strengths and weaknesses… HOW WILL SHE DEAL WITH THIS!!! Aaaa – aHAHAHA. I lost a lot of the fights–but I feel that those I conquered were the ones that really counted…. And while the professional side of life was not-so-slowly sliding downward… Will was always there and it was impossible to think that anything else was even remotely important. While clients, and then inevitably I, decided to stop fighting and close the doors on what were once fruitful and booming livelihoods… My family brought endless joy… I reconnected with old friends… I made many many new friends, and I learned more about myself than I ever would have if everything else wasn’t falling apart.  In retrospect, now that this post has turned to total cheese… whipped creamed cheese that is… 2009 was the best worst year of my life.

And there it is.

So what about you? How was your 2009? Was it loud and obnoxious or loosey goosey? Did you take all of your money out of the bank and bury it somewhere? Or did you throw all caution to the wind and DRINK THE AU JUS? And what about this new fangled thing called 2010–any thoughts there?

I want to know. So tell me… tell me the best worst of your 2009 and then a little of what 2010 can do for you… tell me and I’ll…. throw all the answers into a hat and randomly (drum roll…) Pick the best of the best of the worst of the best and….

1. Interview you for an upcoming For The Birds “Bird Watcher Profile” post.If you haven’t heard, these are tons of fun.. Here’s one and Here’s another. Come on – be the 1st in 2010.
2. Then I will promote the hell out of your story for a week.
3. All about you. 
4. I am no joke about promotion. 
5. Game ends sometime before 2010.
6. If I’ve interviewed you before, please participate as well.

Please note that we are launching our annual SAVE RUDOLPH protest, roof-side–starting tonight… so this post will be up for a few days… 

We have a serious problem… I’ve tried to tell it that being fully erect is not acceptable… I mean.. people are starting to stare. “Error, the lens will not retract, Please restart”. What? Is it trying to tell me something? This part of me that launches full speed on my “GO GO GADGET CAMERA”
command and then explodes out of my chest attached to my third arm..And what brought on this fit of excitement? The shots of Santa? The scenic swans on the ice? The endless obscure pictures that I take of toys, bathroom fixtures and signs? The world’s most handsome 2 year old, or the Bluedog, in all of his stubborn glory? ai-je offensé?

I’m not even going to acknowledge this behavior. Are you finished? Would you mind putting that thing away, because I’m really beginning to get upset… I understand that you are trying to make a statement… that this kind of thing is not actually a dysfunction — more likely it is an internal issue that is keeping you at full attention. OF COURSE I love you, but please– this is a little much. You are NOT old, at least I don’t think you are… Remember when we met? Please, just retract. And what is that noise you’re making?

I didn’t say ABNORMAL, I just think it’s a little off-putting.

Okay, so no – no cooperation on your end… I’m sorry, but we are going to have to do something about this. Christmas is on Friday… I can’t have you hanging around in such a state. You just had to pull this all out now, didn’t you. Perfect timing. Did you try massaging the converter lens? I mean, what will everyone think? No, I don’t want to try something new. I like things the way they are. What are you talking about? I don’t think this is exciting or fun… it’s really annoying actually. 

Isn’t there something that you can take to make it go away?  I mean, you can’t be comfortable like that. Isn’t this making you a little worried? Because I’m beginning to freak out. What am I supposed to do with you NOW? No, I’m not going back to the iphone camera–I told you that I’m totally dedicated. No, film won’t work for me either–You showed me how to live! PLEASE, don’t DO THIS! I don’t think I can go through another life lesson. I read the book and it doesn’t say anything about…   

That’s it. I’m calling for help.

PS Technorati… 5CDJ8JMDKB8D – CLAIM.