Results tagged "Mobile phone"

You know when you’ve gone too far.

Kind of like laughing uncontrollably at something that’s only marginally funny… out loud… in a crowded line… at the DMV or someplace where laughter is strictly forboden. Juxtaposed with the time that you freaked over the possibility of  losing a great employee due to a personal crisis with an ex-girlfriend, which only resulted in your calling him on his cell phone like and obsessive lunatic… just because you didn’t want to lose the talent… who cares about the personal crisis when self-absorption is the name of the game. He ended up quitting anyway and moved on, while I regret ever getting involved. And because I know you’re still stuck on it, ‘forboden’ is the obsolete past participle of ‘forbid’.. which makes it both active AND passive… similar to this post, which you can go ahead and consider obsolete too.

I went too far, I’m afraid. And the guilt that was crawling all over my skin is now creating complete and total revolt among the whites and reds in the blood stream. Everything is going to be fine, and I will totally be over this shortly… But I had one of those insane moments today where I left myself baubbling about while I proceeded to act like the world’s biggest Bitch. It didn’t just start and end with not receiving an important, time sensitive package from my printer… holding proofs for a very important project that needed to be approved yesterday. No. It didn’t end. And the wrath that I set forth against UPS (United Parcel Service — not to be confused with IBS, IRS, ASS or any other lovely things ending in S) started off deserved…. As multiple calls were made. No — there was no attempted delivery, despite what the online tracking detailed. I was here. No one came by. Yes, I need the package yesterday. Okay, then I need it today by ten AM. Okay, then by Noon today. Okay — then can I meet the driver somewhere? Why? What do you mean he needs proof of my identity? No — this isn’t a business, this is a residence. NO, THERE WAS NO DELIVERY ATTEMPT MADE. What do you mean, the Driver isn’t COOPERATING?!?! Yes, I will hold.

I was okay. I was not okay. I was angry. I imagined the uncooperative driver — driving erratically around my neighborhood, sitting on my package while farting and laughing wildly  — full on Fu Manchu to his knees and an enormous tattoo on his naked back saying “I HATE RYAN”. Something needed to be done immediately so I did what any other ordinary mother of a 3 year old who is addicted to the internet would — I went on Twitter and blasted — “About to launch a huge complaint campaign against @UPS — THEY simply DON’T CARE about customers. A driver just told me so.” — Okay, so slightly embellished with the driver taking the place of the call center, but I didn’t stop there… “@UPS- time sensitive pacakge that was supposed to be delivered yesterday, still not here and the driver DOES NOT CARE.” — The words were flying out of my fingers, and I think I felt the beginnings of my own Fu Manchu when suddenly, Evan from UPS replied… and after sending him my tracking number and holding steady for about 20 minutes, the phone rang. Evan was from Corporate, and he was taking care of it…. and while I started to comb through my house for recording devices, he just wanted me to know that UPS did care.

And when the UPS driver arrived less than an hour later, he smiled and said that he didn’t think anyone lived down our driveway… to which the Me Bitch promptly replied “I know, the mailbox really throws people off”. The package didn’t even require a signature, and I wasn’t going to let this unusually young UPS driver that… wait… this kid with the military buzz cut that… that’s standing here smiling at me, petting my dog… probably fresh off the last flight from Iraq or Afghanistan or some forsaken bomb-riddled place… There is no way I just told him not to worry about it, as he drives away… working on Veterans Day, for someone like me.

A few weeks ago we had guests for the 4th of July weekend.

And, YES. I know how long ago that was…over a month and SEVERAL DAYS. But I know. While you were all WHAT IS SHE DOING, I was totally holding back and not telling you… Because, sometimes I get caught up in other things — like word fluency, colors, being awesome at everything while not putting any pressure on myself, and an old little Indian man who wears a leather dress with a 3 foot mohawk, carrying a suitcase with a giant British flag on it… who rides the New Haven Line at 8:40pm only to disembark in Cos Cob, Connecticut.  Okay, so maybe not in that order, but WHATEVER – do you know what’s in Cos Cob? BOATS. BOATS and DOCKS…. and cute little neighborhoods with Bed & Breakfasts and Civil War statuses… please note that it is ‘statuses’, not ‘stati’ — which is what I really wanted to use, but I could sense several frowns approaching. Also, I’m not that awesome… ask around, they know.

So yes, time is passing rather fast, as one would hope amid drought and buggy conditions… but the summer has not been without its little quirks and giggles. It feels like only yesterday that I was crossing the street in Southampton, when a Lexus convertible filled with teenagers came flying around the corner, creating a near death experience to which I reacted by holding up my hand… I mean I could have screamed and started doing jumping-jacks… but no. I thought a simple hand would suffice… which it did… but it also created a gaggle of “DUDE, Don’t be SO UPTIGHT”, among the passengers… The hand, you know, being so STRESSED OUT.

Then there was the lady at Schmidt’s Market that filled her cart to the brim with fresh local corn, only to wheel it to the register, ask the cashier how fresh it was and then decide that picked-yesterday was way too long ago… leaving the cart in the middle of everything, for everyone else to deal with… I offered to help put it back, but the cashier was too amused by the fact that the lady was on her way to the closest, more expensive farmstand… that Schmidt’s Market stocks…with freshly yesterday-picked corn.

And then there are the other things… like bathing suits on people that, ugh, just shouldn’t… tasting everything before you order, pushing, shoving, bossing, ignoring… And my favorite, hitting the horn as soon as the light turns green… no matter how many people are in front of you. I mean, come on. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? There is a beach at the end of EVERY ROAD. You can’t be in that much of a hurry unless you are on your way out of town… In which case, let me get out of your way.

But a few weeks back it was still the 4th of July, Annie and Rob were visiting, and none of these other aforementioned had happened yet. So our brains were fresh and new. We were enjoying our weekend when suddenly our Dad, who was in another state, seemed to be trying to reach us via cell phones, that had no service on the beach… Upon returning home, the caller ID on the house phone told us the same… Back and forth we kept missing each other when FINALLY. He had initially thought that one of us may have been arrested due to a missed call to his blackberry from the Southampton County Court… He immediately tried to reach us. But it wasn’t until a message actually dropped into his voicemail that the story began, but never really ended. We, obviously, weren’t in jail… and the message was definitely not intended for our Dad, but for someone else…who apparently had access to unlimited funds…

We’re still waiting on those 20Gs. And regardless of this message being mistakenly placed in our Dad’s inbox as a joke intended for someone else, OR the real damn thing, Southampton ROCKS…. And summer isn’t over just yet. Not to mention the AWE SHUCKS in NEVER KNOWING… So, please talk amongst yourselves… Who do you think it was, and how did it end?

Meanwhile… I’ll be here, husking corn, planning for a few more late summer guests and thinking about the little Indian man, with 4″ platform boots and piercings all over his body… getting off the train in Cos Cob for a little B&B, R&R… because it is August, and that’s how it should be done.

Guest Bird #2 – Sylvia

Hi everyone — welcome to my very first guest-blog entry (thanks, Ryan!)  First, a little background info about me:  I grew up in central California, spent 20+ years working in Manhattan, and now my husband and I are sort of “bi-coastal” although not by choice.  We are desperately trying to sell our New York house.  For the moment, however, we are in the gorgeous Palm Springs, California area — which I will report on in-depth in a future blog entry!

Until next time – Sylvia 
http://twitter.com/SylviaEnder
http://www.linkedin.com/in/SylviaEnder (Please “connect” with me!)