Results tagged "New Year"

And here we are. A new year.

Fresh. New. Untouched. Unaffected. And oddly — feeling almost exactly like it did last year.

But that’s not reason to worry. Feeling the same as it did less than a week ago isn’t a bad thing, right? We aren’t supposed to run around changing EVERYTHING immediately, right? I mean… I suppose there are freaks people out there that say “I’M CHANGING, DAMMIT” and then, BOOM, everything is different. There’s nothing seemingly wrong with taking our time. Deciding that we want to do something, think about it… patiently… toil over the details while moving in slow motion. Quietly making the necessary adjustments before we LEAP FORWARD into new things. And I know you were picturing a graceful gazelle just now as I said ‘LEAP FORWARD’… because we are talking about the visions in my mind — and you need to see things as I’m seeing them if we are going to embark on anything together — and in no way am I referencing a leap “year”. Because I don’t think I could handle losing one entire day in 2012. No. No empty, invisible, take-away days — because this is going to be the YEAR OF ME. And you’re coming too.

I’m thinking about making some changes, and since these are life long — they do NOT fall into the evil and ever-failing RESOLUTIONS category. And — I’m not just talking about the small stuff, like this is the last Coca Cola I will EVER drink. No. I’m talking about things that would normally fall on a “Life List”, which is something that I have mentioned in “They’re safe easy to clean and do not cause unpleasant buffeting”, (those were the days)… I’m talking about speeding up the process and, for almost the first time ever, TAKING MYSELF SERIOUSLY. Like — No more soda really means NO MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE ANYTHING…. And, while we’re at it, LEARN TO WINDSURF. But there really isn’t a rhyme or reason to any of this. AND I’m going big, at least for me. Way beyond the Ten Its. My attempts to formulate a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next 40-50 years (if I’m lucky) ranges from the absurd — Sleep through the night… to the mundane — Put Christmas away… to the balls out impossible — DO SOMETHING BIGger than before (I’m open for suggestions). So, I’m speeding it up and giving myself 365 days — although I’ve already lost 4 in the planning stage. So, starting NOW. Okay. After I finish this coke.

And I know. YEAR OF ME, sounds kind of selfish and completely unoriginal. And I totally agree. I completely ripped the idea off from The Summer of George on a Seinfeld rerun the other night. Only — as we all know, the Summer of George was a failed endeavor which saw Mr. Costanza in rehabilitation to regain his ability to walk. I know. NOT FUNNY. But it totally was. Even after watching it for the 40,000th time. His only mistake was that he attempted to do it all alone. Of which, I would never do. Because, yes. I love you too.

And so… as I need to get going on a few things. I am starting the list right now. Please note that this list will change — grow and hopefully shrink with cross-outs as I SUCCEED AT EVERYTHING I TRY. Also, please note that from the boring to the laugh your ass off NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN items all fall in no particular order. Because, that, my friends is life.

• Read all the books in my house before buying new ones
• Quit High Fructose Everything
• Breathe while eating and enjoy every bite
• Walks
• Share a picture everyday
• Teach Will to read
• Teach Jo to walk AND talk
• Not so much spending
• Learn to Windsurf
• Redesign this Blog
• Travel with the Kids
• Relearn CPR
• More NYC
• Go fishing
• Will’s Kitchen, the book
• Bronx Zoo
• Write a Screenplay
• Find the right babysitter (and hire her/him)
• Find my Medium
• Garden. For real.
• Go to the Openings
• Turn conversational Spanish into fluent
• Make edible egg free pasta
• Meet Martha
• Get Jo to sleep in her own bed
• Take more pictures
• Find the right, regular, paying gig

It’s been 10 years.
TEN YEARS.
Think about it while I try to not make this post last until 2020.

Sidenote: Normally, I wouldn’t write an “end of the year” post over a week before the end of the year… but honestly, if I write about the holidays it might just equal talking about the holidays — of which I’m a little over. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas will be tons of fun, but I feel like its taking forever to get here on top of  not really being in a fa la la la mood this year… more like OKAY ALREADY. I know, so eloquent.

I actually thought to myself last night that it’s a good thing that I didn’t decorate too much because MY FOOT I don’t want to clean it all up once ALL THIS is over and done with. And please… Depressed? I have no reason to be… Hormonal? Like a train wreck…

So while I’m petitioning to skip over the next four days and wake up tomorrow with Santa squeaking right back up that chimney, AND perfecting the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse… Please know that everything should be returning to normal in about 2 weeks…. just in time for 2011 to make her grand entrance…

swans remember everything...

In 1999, 2000 was kind of a big deal. I can remember… we were living in Portsmouth, NH — planning to fly down to Burke, VA to visit best friends for the New Year and Turn of the Century (echo echo echo). I was at the eye doctor getting diagnosed with chronic dry-eyes – aka: inability to produce tears without extreme pain when my Optometrist — a young little female Doogie Howser sat stunned when I told her that my boyfriend and I were planning to fly somewhere to celebrate…. ON A PLANE. But wasn’t I scared? Wasn’t I worried that some cosmic switch was going to flip causing our plane to enter into another dimension? To which I calmly replied – “Well, no…. I hear that 2000 is nothing compared to what 2012 is going to bring.” To which she replied by staring at me blankly — as if her mind had become like dilated pupils all fuzzy dark only to reemerge from the fog in Shangri-La, where I was no longer her patient and she could move on to lighter things… like Beenie Babies and the hideously addictive lure of the food court outside her office walls. Those crazy Druids.

And it would be completely inappropriate to go on and on about the first 10 of the 2000s without making mention of 9-11. None of us will ever forget where we were, what we went through and of course — who and what we lost. Just thinking about that day — which quickly turned into night and then weeks of torture that followed… just thinking about it makes me want to take all the insignificance of the other 9 years and cram them into one of these hideously decorated gift boxes I have laying around — only to be peered into if you want to see extreme happiness and selfless adoration of life… But then I have to slap myself in reminder that life goes on — as we were all able to prove to the universe… Life goes on, and apparently, so does this blog…

Interestingly enough, because we’re back to the really important issue at hand… My current eye doctor is perhaps the 5th most attractive man on the planet, so I’ve never had the gumption to discuss the END OF THE WORLD or flash in the pan collectibles with him out of sheer humility. Our friends from Burke, however, are beyond outgoing– no longer live in VA and now have FOUR KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF TEN. Yes that’s right, and I’ve mentioned them before in unabashed wonder… Which pretty much brings us up to date on where TEN YEARS can lead you. But not really.

The past ten years have been pretty huge for me… as I’m sure they have been for you too. No — I didn’t do anything earth shattering… but each time something changed since 2000, it’s been pretty major… And I could go into a detailed time-line, highlighting each breath and thought process that occurred, but that would just make you feel trapped… in a 10×10′ red room… without a door or window. So, you know what, I’m not even going to get into any of it… ‘It’, of course being the ten years in which I’ve moved between states, gotten married, had a child, become a dog owner, homeowner, opened and closed a mildly successful business, hung out with the devil, learned how to cook, finally grasped the understanding of the term ‘patience’, made incredible new friends AND started the journey of bringing another life into the world. And if that isn’t enough, aside from me… (because I am aware of others when they talk loud enough) many friends and family members have fought and won against life threatening diseases and physical struggles that I can’t even begin to comprehend.

It could be that there are so many things that happened within things in the past ten years that its too hard to fully grasp the enormity of it all. I mean — I’m 35 — I’ve been through three and a half ten year periods and, honestly, the other 2.5 seemed so silly… all premature and childish… Like the word ‘Decade’ is just a fly on the wall of ‘Century’, so WHATEVER, who cares. Once you’ve witnessed the turn of a century, a decade is so 1800s. And with that thought of complete senselessness, I leave you with the thought of ten years (give or take a leap year). TEN YEARS. That’s 5259600 minutes of 3,650 days… Did anything happen?

While folding laundry last night, in my pajamas at 7:30pm, the phone rang – it was Amy’s Carpet Cleaners wanting to know if they could come over and steam my carpets…

Ordinarily my response would have cut them off at hello and snapped “TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALLER LIST” but I wasn’t feeling quite like myself so I listened to his shpeal and then politely said, thank you but we don’t have any carpets. He said oh, okay thanks good bye. I felt a little dizzy and hung up the phone when an overwhelming sense of calm poured over me. Almost like none of it matters anyway so why are you so stressed out? And then it hit me — that wasn’t the Amy’s Carpet Guy – that was REALITY calling. The Amy’s Carpet Guy was really a supreme being that felt my vibrations of WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and decided to soar in before possible disaster. Because aside from all things career not happening — everything else is. Since New Year’s day a mountain of STUFF found our little lives and thought – hey, yeah, cool. And of course, most of it we’ve done to ourselves – the house, the blogs, the diet changes, the routine change of eating dinner with Will at 5:30 instead of boozing until 10 and ordering pizza.. well, not quite boozing — but do you know how fast time flies between 6 & 10 PM? For the first 2 years of Will’s life we’ve been so happy that he goes to bed successfully by 7:30 that we’ve partied like rock stars for a few hours after… But that isn’t all. Will decided, with the event of the New Year, to stop napping in the mornings and, instead wait until after lunch… which is totally fine except that now I have to get everything done errand and house wise with him before noon — which means that I have to go out. Which means that PEOPLE WILL SEE ME in the morning… which means that now I have to think about that the pile of clothes on my closet floor first thing in the morning instead of around lunch time.

But I can’t even go into the torture of what does this all MEAN?!?! Not to mention that the word “shpeal” is in the Urban Dictionary and is defined – someone’s repeated talk jabber. mainly BS…. Which insists that the Amy’s Carpet Guy was just some guy at a phone center trying to make an extra buck since cigarettes apparently cost $9.00 a pack. And then there’s real life out there making me feel bad every time I look up – whining about routine changes and dirty clothes when real disasters ARE REALLY HAPPENING and all I want to do is watch the Food Network so thank goodness Bobby Flay decided to kick some ass and put it back on Cablevision. Can you imagine how mad he gets?

In short, because you know this has to end eventually, the earth might be on this whole rotation thing around the sun because it’s used to spinning on an axis in the atmosphere… but just wait until it decides to start bouncing up and down instead… because it just MIGHT.

Before the New Year began I reached out and asked my readers to tell me about their 2009 experience and hopes for 2010. If you missed it, read it here. It was during the receipt of several dismal responses that I realized that 2009 was not so great for everyone… Most of the responses were so blatantly pathetic and whiny that I decided not to publish them. Out of the few that I did publish… and because of my growing obsession with the readers of this blog (just who are you anyway?) I chose from the authors at random for this interview… I knew what I was getting into–A Vapid Blonde was a contender… A woman whose blog I read and admire if not for her direct wit and sarcastic observations… but for her enviable ability to swear like a sailor — dropping the “F” word left and right… sometimes compiling several instances of the word to form complete sentences… It is her writing that I turn to read when I find myself cursing and looking for new ways to express myself… When Vapid’s name was selected.. my ears burned a little…

Watching the latest blizzard blow through the Berkshires, I felt a chill as the diner door opened… Why am I sitting with my back to the door?… I heard her laugh as I turned… she tossed her keys on the table… sitting across from me she smiled and said “Fucking Snow“… The interview began..

Let’s just get this out of the way… What is your favorite curse word? MOTHER FUCKER, heh I bet you never would have guessed that! I think I’ll be hearing it in that exact tone for the rest of the day. It actually makes me grin from ear to ear when ever I say it!

I have decided to stop ingesting dairy and eggs.

And, I use the term “ingesting” loosely because I am not doing this for any moral reason…. I’m selfishly just doing this for myself. Completely hypocritical, maybe, yes–definitely… but also completely in sync with the trends that motivate me. I came to this decision after months and months of scientific research in quest of a cure for my son’s allergies to dairy and eggs. As it turns out, there isn’t a cure–and there probably never will be. There is also varied and limited, although growing, resources and theories surrounding food allergies… A LOT of finger pointing and not a lot of fixing. But what I did find… politics, politicians, chemicals, antibody killing hormones, GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOODS… organic lies, untested treatments, mistreatment of animals and LOTS lots lots lots of manure. And, as it turns out, I have been putting all of this into my body for years. If my midsection were a stage and the curtains opened it would be a serious Rocky Horror production, most likely… (there’s more after the giant egg)

Now, I am not trying to dictate or make generalizations on vegetarian lifestyles… MOBY, I am not and never will be… I am also completely aware that the VEGAN POLICE will consider my attempts to be pungent and wreaking of rotten garlic… But WHATEVS, I am just testing this out… I started on New Year’s day after spending the days before gorging myself with the very cheese that I have become addicted to. Honestly, I have never been a dieter — so having RULES is something new for me AND this will not be easy… but as I sit here on day 5 — I am feeling a little bit lighter… Less PUFF, shall we say. And while I’m treating myself like a lab rabbit… I am looking for new things to eat, recipes, websites and cookbooks to try…. I’ll try it all and then let you know the results… Recommend away before I waste away to nothing… Readers-O-Thisblog, PLEASE, DO TELL–I know you have the goods…

It is always nice to know that we have options.

Happy New Year!

So, we were watching TV last night… and well, nothing was on–so we turned to the Food Network… always a good standby. It was Diners Drive-ins & Dives with that funny-haired fella that I swear, is seriously holding back his inner GAY. I know he’s married… but so is Will Smith and Brad Pitt… wait, Brad Pitt isn’t married… what’s going on there? GAY. I said it here first… Unless you said it before me… isn’t there anything original anymore? So.. anyway, the GUY named GUY on “Triple D” (ew) was bouncing off the walls over some sort of fleshy overcooked meat when he picked up a plastic dipping cup and drank the Au Jus. I said–out loud–”HE JUST DRANK THE AU JUS…” and then it occurred to me that New Year’s is next week.
Well here we are. Time sure does fly, doesn’t it! What were you thinking this time last year? Were you excited about 2009? Were you looking forward to all good things to come or were you dreading the days ahead? For me – 2009 was one massive battle of good vs. evil… demons and angels… sweet & sour vs. hot & spicy. There was always an antithesis of each particular moment… looking down at me from way up high… getting ready to launch the next throw down test of strengths and weaknesses… HOW WILL SHE DEAL WITH THIS!!! Aaaa – aHAHAHA. I lost a lot of the fights–but I feel that those I conquered were the ones that really counted…. And while the professional side of life was not-so-slowly sliding downward… Will was always there and it was impossible to think that anything else was even remotely important. While clients, and then inevitably I, decided to stop fighting and close the doors on what were once fruitful and booming livelihoods… My family brought endless joy… I reconnected with old friends… I made many many new friends, and I learned more about myself than I ever would have if everything else wasn’t falling apart.  In retrospect, now that this post has turned to total cheese… whipped creamed cheese that is… 2009 was the best worst year of my life.

And there it is.

So what about you? How was your 2009? Was it loud and obnoxious or loosey goosey? Did you take all of your money out of the bank and bury it somewhere? Or did you throw all caution to the wind and DRINK THE AU JUS? And what about this new fangled thing called 2010–any thoughts there?

I want to know. So tell me… tell me the best worst of your 2009 and then a little of what 2010 can do for you… tell me and I’ll…. throw all the answers into a hat and randomly (drum roll…) Pick the best of the best of the worst of the best and….

1. Interview you for an upcoming For The Birds “Bird Watcher Profile” post.If you haven’t heard, these are tons of fun.. Here’s one and Here’s another. Come on – be the 1st in 2010.
2. Then I will promote the hell out of your story for a week.
3. All about you. 
4. I am no joke about promotion. 
5. Game ends sometime before 2010.
6. If I’ve interviewed you before, please participate as well.

Please note that we are launching our annual SAVE RUDOLPH protest, roof-side–starting tonight… so this post will be up for a few days…