Before the New Year began I reached out and asked my readers to tell me about their 2009 experience and hopes for 2010. If you missed it, read it here. It was during the receipt of several dismal responses that I realized that 2009 was not so great for everyone… Most of the responses were so blatantly pathetic and whiny that I decided not to publish them. Out of the few that I did publish… and because of my growing obsession with the readers of this blog (just who are you anyway?) I chose from the authors at random for this interview… I knew what I was getting into–A Vapid Blonde was a contender… A woman whose blog I read and admire if not for her direct wit and sarcastic observations… but for her enviable ability to swear like a sailor — dropping the “F” word left and right… sometimes compiling several instances of the word to form complete sentences… It is her writing that I turn to read when I find myself cursing and looking for new ways to express myself… When Vapid’s name was selected.. my ears burned a little…
Watching the latest blizzard blow through the Berkshires, I felt a chill as the diner door opened… Why am I sitting with my back to the door?… I heard her laugh as I turned… she tossed her keys on the table… sitting across from me she smiled and said “Fucking Snow“… The interview began..
Why Vapid? Clearly it isn’t a personality trait. Honestly? The day I wrote my first post was New Years day 2009 and I had stolen one of my husbands pain pills from his knee surgery because it was the day after New Years Eve and I had a major hook (hangover in my world) and well I was feeling a bit dizzy, but I mistook that for ditsy and then I lost my mind and wrote my first post and well what better word is there to describe how my day was going…vapid.
Why New England? I have no clue. I hate being cold. Seriously, I grew up in mid-state NY and luckily I met a douche bag (#2 of 2) who took me to the Berkshire area and then introduced me to my future husband and here we live happily hating the snow. Such a happy ending! (heh, happy ending)
If you were a flower, what kind would you be? I asked The Dish and at first we thought the orchid I didn’t kill, that was too obvious and he say’s I am too tough to be an orchid. Then I thought a preserved flower because people think I am younger than I am, but that sounds obnoxious. Maybe a calla lily, there not too girly and they are simple and clean. Although I just took my first shower of 2010 on Sunday (Jan 3rd) so I am not so sure about the clean part.
Remember that great day? It was just perfect – what happened? I married my best friend. August 27, 2005 it was the most perfect beautifully warm day with 155 of my very best friends second to my husband. No one got in a fight and I only found out later on that my Uncle Nunzio was offended as where I sat him, so fuck him, I’ll never invite him to another one of my weddings.
What would your friends say is your most charming quality? Most annoying? My butt for sure. No really, they all love it. And for annoying…my mouth, its like and whining yapping lap dog that never shuts up. (by the way I think lap dogs are totally cute)
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? A challenge. Anything that I can learn from, grow from. Also being right, I love being right, even if it means finding out I was wrong, but that never really happens. Don’t even get me started on the great ‘smorgasbord’ debate of 2004. Ok – did you at least win the smorgasbord debate? I most certainly did and I will never ever let him live it down! The Dictionary is my friend.
What turns you off? Lack of accountability. I can’t stand people who will not take responsibility for their own life. Its like my 60 year old uncle that blamed is 86 year old mother for all of is issues because she made him wear knickers as a child. I mean what the fuck…knickers? I know… I hate it when people say “it’s not my fault”. It is, just because they said that. I had an employee who would make so many mistakes and never would admit to them, so I had her killed…(that was a lie) But seriously she would place blame
on anyone she possibly could, even the owner who is never in the store.
What is your favorite kitchen appliance? My six burner Bertazoni stove. It’s Italian and hot. Much like a Ferrari.
Fiction or non-fiction? I suppose a little of both. Right now I am in the middle of like four books…one of which I started about seven years ago, but I haven’t forgotten that I haven’t finished it. The Count of Monte Cristo, Wesley The Owl, When You Are Engulfed in Flames and one that my cousin Jed Berry wrote that was published last year, The Manual of Detection (Shameless family plug)
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Something where I never had to leave the house. I don’t really like going out, it kind irritates me when I have to, which is almost everyday.
Don’t even want to think about living without….? This is a tough one. My family, my friends, my dogs, my husband, my tiara and glitter. (in no particular order) Glitter really makes everything so very pretty.
If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? There are so many places I have never been. Maybe I could go back to 1990 and tell my self to stay away from Douche bag #1 (#1 of 2) and then tell my self that in 1998 to move to the Berkshires go to the best restaurant and meet your future husband and spend the entire time in between developing a stellar personality and bank account so that when you do meet him and embark on the best part of your life you will be fully prepared and have loads of riveting things to offer.
What inspired you to start blogging (A Vapid Blonde)? Twitter. And my undying need for social acceptance. I just realized that I am a socially awkward person, which I think many take for being a bitch but really I am shy. It’s an outlet for me a place to express thoughts and feelings because I know every one wants to hear about my day…hello? Are you sleeping? I think you just defined the internet.
Sweet…I am going to put that on wikipedia now. A Vapid Blonde defines the internet. Can that make me money?
Is there anything you wish I’d asked you? I can’t think of anything because, you know the vapid thing. But I bet you wish you had asked me like half the questions because of the amount I have rambled on and on and on.
I can’t pee outside in nature.
And now we know
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too much…
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Ordinarily my response would have cut them off at hello and snapped “TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALLER LIST” but I wasn’t feeling quite like myself so I listened to his shpeal and then politely said, thank you but we don’t have any carpets. He said oh, okay thanks good bye. I felt a little dizzy and hung up the phone when an overwhelming sense of calm poured over me. Almost like none of it matters anyway so why are you so stressed out? And then it hit me — that wasn’t the Amy’s Carpet Guy – that was REALITY calling. The Amy’s Carpet Guy was really a supreme being that felt my vibrations of WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and decided to soar in before possible disaster. Because aside from all things career not happening — everything else is. Since New Year’s day a mountain of STUFF found our little lives and thought – hey, yeah, cool. And of course, most of it we’ve done to ourselves – the house, the blogs, the diet changes, the routine change of eating dinner with Will at 5:30 instead of boozing until 10 and ordering pizza.. well, not quite boozing — but do you know how fast time flies between 6 & 10 PM? For the first 2 years of Will’s life we’ve been so happy that he goes to bed successfully by 7:30 that we’ve partied like rock stars for a few hours after… But that isn’t all. Will decided, with the event of the New Year, to stop napping in the mornings and, instead wait until after lunch… which is totally fine except that now I have to get everything done errand and house wise with him before noon — which means that I have to go out. Which means that PEOPLE WILL SEE ME in the morning… which means that now I have to think about that the pile of clothes on my closet floor first thing in the morning instead of around lunch time. 
