The other night I found myself sitting on the couch watching CSI Miami. Will was in bed, and most of the stuff I had wanted to read was read… I also seemed to have been suffering from a repeat of a dreadful cold that I thought was long gone… TV, I decided, was my only escape, which is unusual because even if the television is on in the background, I rarely pay attention until I am fully ensconced in decompression. But there I was…and bear with me because what happened next is rather complicated…
I had missed a good 20 or so minutes of the show — and having not watched an episode in a few years, most of the characters were strangers to me with the exception of David Caruso, the little angry Irishman… not so appropriately named Horatio — well dressed but wandering aimlessly, mourning Hamlet… but I digress… Having missed most of the plot, I was caught up in the serious glances that tend to be the meat within the storyline… Horatio was calming a teenager while the others were running about trying to uncover traces of gunpowder and the source of an unusual smell. I was a little sidetracked, trying to keep up with all of the different innuendos and references to other episodes, but when I started to grasp the plot, I was hooked.
A murder (or possibly two) had taken place and a teenager, that Horatio affectionately nicknamed ‘Son’, was in custody. Apparently one of the victims was a guy (let’s call him BOB) that had been pretending to be a younger and more handsome guy, while flirting online with the same preppy chick that Son was. When Miss Prep (allegedly) arranged to meet Bob in person, she was STUNNED to find out that he was really old and unattractive… you know, because online stalkers are normally super good-looking, right? She then, according to Son, contacted him online and told him that the ugly old guy was bothering her and would he be so kind as to KILL HIM FOR HER?! To which he immediately agreed (of course). So, yada yada — a few minutes later we have a dead guy (and possibly another dead person, I mean really — how much of an attention-span do you think I have?)… And while all of this communication was taking place via the internet, it was very surprising to the ACTUAL REAL LIFE preppy chick in question when the Crime Scene Investigators of Miami showed up at her house and started suggesting that she was having online affairs with the two men… The father of the girl became anxious at the suggestive accusations and they immediately tested him for gun power — of which was POSITIVE, but only because he had been shooting armadillo earlier that day (of course). Sheepishly, and without emotion, the girl’s Mom was all “What’s going on Carl” (I think that was the Dad’s name) and then they cut to a commercial. It was at this point that I finished the container of sorbet and started in on the Halloween candy.
I’ve got you now, right? You need to know what happened… HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY do anything else without knowing? Well… it all turned out very simply but not without SHOCK when the preppy chick was being held back by her Dad screaming “How COULD YOU!!?” as her Mom was being led away in handcuffs — EXPOSED LIKE A SITTING DUCK — her double life of pretending to be her daughter online so that she could attempt to have relationships with, sight unseen, younger men, was finally over. You’d think that she would have been a little relieved to have this all out of the bag, but no. She remained rather indifferent to her arrest, suggesting that finding love — no matter how blind and deceitful was so important to her that she wore the guilt like a badge and then asked if it was time to go home. “Oh no”, whispered Horatio, “You have committed MURDER”, (or something like that).To which she was shocked by the reality of it all.
I have no idea why I am sharing this with you, aside from the fact that it’s been stuck in my head for the past couple of days. Was it the bad acting? Was it the seemingly sweatless cast in obviously very hot weather? Or was it the Mom’s “oh whatever” attitude about committing serious crimes over the internet? As far as I can tell… she would have been way better off simply living another life instead of skulking around online like a creepshow… but then again, wherein lies the entertainment value? And all the questions and anger… fiction vs. reality — tv show vs. the news… mentally disturbed vs. wrong & right… Either take the remote control away from me, or let me live in La La Land… because the anxiety exists anyway without pointing out the obvious…
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