Results tagged "Shopping"

In keeping with last week’s post on things I want to accomplish in 2012 — I started reading Savor, by Thich Nhat Hana and Dr. Lilian Cheung.

And, although I have already broken my code of not buying any more new books until I have read all of the ones that currently reside in my house (#1 on the list), I’m really happy that this is the book that I started with. Because, you see, I think I only purchased this book because of it’s beautifully designed cover. That and Amazon’s oh-so clever marketing skills in the “Recommended Items” department. I couldn’t resist. I bet, because you know I don’t even really remember buying this book, that I didn’t really know what it was about at the time of purchase. Yes. I am that easy. And, if I’m not a Buddhist by the time I finish reading this sweet little 237 page paperback, there must be all kinds of things wrong with me, and I already have a somewhat healthy relationship with food. It’s my book buying habit that I’m worried about.

But you see, as it turns out, this is a dieting book. Hidden behind the beautiful language and holistic nuances, the sole purpose of this book’s existence is to help people lose weight, which is something that I might like to do, but I’m not hardcore into needing to lose poundage. What I am into is enjoying the act of eating (#2 on the list). Thinking about the food as I am enjoying it is something that I am also trying to accomplish this year — breathing while I eat. Not allowing the stress of people behaving at dinner time or the baby’s fussiness make me inhale my food as an act of desperation. As if I’m never going to have the opportunity to eat again. It only breeds bad habits and makes it appear to be okay as I shovel toast into my mouth while running out the door. Because being late for Nursery School is totally going to make him miss the bus in another 5 years. Not.

And as I breeze through this lovely book about dieting and having patience with one’s self. I am finding that reading truths that I already know, need some reminding. Who knows — perhaps there’s some additional enjoyment to be found as we relearn how to relax, chew our food and maybe drop a few pounds.

“Mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a way of living that has been practiced over twenty-six hundred years by millions of people to help them transform their suffering into peace and joy. Applying mindfulness to your suffering with weight gives you catalyst that you can draw on at will to change your behavior. Consider mindfulness as your ally to help you get out of your own way, change your habits that are counterproductive, and overcome the obstacles and difficulties that led you to be overweight.” – page 34

Now, if I can only apply this to buying books… Then, maybe I can start to work on #8 from the 2012 list: Not so much spending.

And here we are. A new year.

Fresh. New. Untouched. Unaffected. And oddly — feeling almost exactly like it did last year.

But that’s not reason to worry. Feeling the same as it did less than a week ago isn’t a bad thing, right? We aren’t supposed to run around changing EVERYTHING immediately, right? I mean… I suppose there are freaks people out there that say “I’M CHANGING, DAMMIT” and then, BOOM, everything is different. There’s nothing seemingly wrong with taking our time. Deciding that we want to do something, think about it… patiently… toil over the details while moving in slow motion. Quietly making the necessary adjustments before we LEAP FORWARD into new things. And I know you were picturing a graceful gazelle just now as I said ‘LEAP FORWARD’… because we are talking about the visions in my mind — and you need to see things as I’m seeing them if we are going to embark on anything together — and in no way am I referencing a leap “year”. Because I don’t think I could handle losing one entire day in 2012. No. No empty, invisible, take-away days — because this is going to be the YEAR OF ME. And you’re coming too.

I’m thinking about making some changes, and since these are life long — they do NOT fall into the evil and ever-failing RESOLUTIONS category. And — I’m not just talking about the small stuff, like this is the last Coca Cola I will EVER drink. No. I’m talking about things that would normally fall on a “Life List”, which is something that I have mentioned in “They’re safe easy to clean and do not cause unpleasant buffeting”, (those were the days)… I’m talking about speeding up the process and, for almost the first time ever, TAKING MYSELF SERIOUSLY. Like — No more soda really means NO MORE HIGH FRUCTOSE ANYTHING…. And, while we’re at it, LEARN TO WINDSURF. But there really isn’t a rhyme or reason to any of this. AND I’m going big, at least for me. Way beyond the Ten Its. My attempts to formulate a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next 40-50 years (if I’m lucky) ranges from the absurd — Sleep through the night… to the mundane — Put Christmas away… to the balls out impossible — DO SOMETHING BIGger than before (I’m open for suggestions). So, I’m speeding it up and giving myself 365 days — although I’ve already lost 4 in the planning stage. So, starting NOW. Okay. After I finish this coke.

And I know. YEAR OF ME, sounds kind of selfish and completely unoriginal. And I totally agree. I completely ripped the idea off from The Summer of George on a Seinfeld rerun the other night. Only — as we all know, the Summer of George was a failed endeavor which saw Mr. Costanza in rehabilitation to regain his ability to walk. I know. NOT FUNNY. But it totally was. Even after watching it for the 40,000th time. His only mistake was that he attempted to do it all alone. Of which, I would never do. Because, yes. I love you too.

And so… as I need to get going on a few things. I am starting the list right now. Please note that this list will change — grow and hopefully shrink with cross-outs as I SUCCEED AT EVERYTHING I TRY. Also, please note that from the boring to the laugh your ass off NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN items all fall in no particular order. Because, that, my friends is life.

• Read all the books in my house before buying new ones
• Quit High Fructose Everything
• Breathe while eating and enjoy every bite
• Walks
• Share a picture everyday
• Teach Will to read
• Teach Jo to walk AND talk
• Not so much spending
• Learn to Windsurf
• Redesign this Blog
• Travel with the Kids
• Relearn CPR
• More NYC
• Go fishing
• Will’s Kitchen, the book
• Bronx Zoo
• Write a Screenplay
• Find the right babysitter (and hire her/him)
• Find my Medium
• Garden. For real.
• Go to the Openings
• Turn conversational Spanish into fluent
• Make edible egg free pasta
• Meet Martha
• Get Jo to sleep in her own bed
• Take more pictures
• Find the right, regular, paying gig

I’m alone currently. No really — Mr. Sal is in the city and both of my children are apparently sleeping. I say apparently because, really — who knows. And when my husband complained about having to spend the evening among adults at some fabulous dinner for business, I imagined myself inhaling a self-rolled ciggy, exhaling while speaking in a British accent “I cannot imagine anything more exhilarating (emphasis on the ‘EXXXHHHHIL‘) than a trip to the city”…. which is a scene that I totally ripped from the Virginia Wolf thriller of a movie, The Hours…. Starring Nicole Kidman…. Regarding several decades of women that seem to be going through unbelievable bouts of self-exploration… which is a nicer way of saying ‘depression’. And, although I am not depressed, or anywhere near the idea of going through a ’bout’ of anything — I do have to say that it’s getting harder and harder for me to remember what it was like to not have kids. To be able to just go. Just decide to do something and then do it….ALONE. ALOOOONE… And, considering this is the second time I’ve been alone in 2011, and most likely the last — what better time to run wild with abandon and go — GO — on 2011. On the other hand, it may have been a mistake to leave me alone, and this glass of wine is delicious…. I’ll wait until morning before I publish this.

Because 2011,
CHANGED MY LIFE.
AGAIN.
(sorry, that was loud. and this post is rather long.)

In 2011, we had a 2nd baby. We had a 2nd baby just when the first baby, now 4 years old, seemed well on his way to independence. And when I think about the dramatic and early entrance that Josephine made into our lives, paired with her current ability to get pretty much anything she wants — at 7.5 months old, it’s hard not to predict that we are in it for a lifetime. And again, NOT TO WORRY, when I say ‘in it’, I am of course referring to the bliss and unbridled happiness that comes with being Josephine’s Mom. The smiles. The heart-melting coos and squeals that make up for the refusal to sleep in her own bed. Or how she spits the baby food back out at you and then laughs at your reaction. But that’s okay, as you wipe the spring vegetable surprise from your face, just LOOK at how cute she is covered in puree…. and whatever, you can just forget about your hair — you aren’t going anywhere anyway.

But I know, having just done this for the past 4 years. This time is fleeting. It really is hard to believe that she’s 7.5 months old and that Will just completed his first semester of preschool. I mean… remember back when he was two and he quit napping and I thought my life was over? I mean… it really was over, but the realization was astounding… WHAT DO YOU MEAN I don’t have time to myself anymore? That I had to put my design ‘career’ (I know, don’t laugh) on hold, sit on the floor and PLAY? I mean REALLY. I’M EDUCATED — and LOOK, now I’m playing TRUCKS? But then it stopped. He did what most do and started playing BY HIMSELF. And then I was sad, alone… sitting on the floor with my trucks (not really). And now Jo — as demanding and irresistible a baby as there ever was…. tomorrow she’ll be kicking me out of her room and demanding to pierce something.

And, I know. I’m going to get to all of the other things that happened in 2011 — I’m just taking my time because I’m still alone. That, and I just can’t get over how pleased I am with everything in my life these days. The fun little boy I have. The food allergies that he seems to be growing out of (!) paired with his need to wear a fire helmet to the grocery store. The sweetest little girl I could have ever imagined — it’s even cute when she’s slapping my face and ripping my earrings out. I’ve even been working on a few design projects that seem to be moving along nicely, and I’m happy to report that things are calm both on the friend and family fronts.

All in all, while tooting my own horn from atop the highest pedestal, 2011 was a really good year all-around.

January… My sister Annie was married to her longtime love, Rob… Which led to a reunion of sorts in seeing friends and family that I haven’t seen in years, some of which read this bloggedy blog and therefore knew way more than I did about myself…. Later, I started reading an absurd amount of anything I could get my hands on, books – magazines, newspapers, a MANUSCRIPT written by a brilliantly talented individual that also had a baby in 2011… January was also the month when I started having Braxton Hicks otherwise known as false and not funny contractions even though I wasn’t due until the end of May. Good Times.

February found Mr. Sal and I returning to Portsmouth, NH where I took this picture whist Braxton Hicking all over New England:

I may never understand why I love this picture so much other than the fact that I was a giant pregnant lady salivating over the whole idea behind this window.

Nothing happened in March.
NOTHING.
Oh come on. It’s not like I was sitting on my hands or anything, although I was waiting for something to happen. Really, nothing happened and honestly, your bravado is rather rude.
FINE. Go see for YOURSELF.

April was one of the scariest months of my ENTIRE LIFE, although it started and ended with a blessing. I kicked the month off by opening the front section of the New York Times to see a 1937 picture of my long-passed Grandaddy on page A12 (with the crooked hat). This was a HUGE surprise and one that I will never forget… It made me feel individual and incognito all at the same time…. Here was this image of a man that all but a hand-full of us recognized thus giving the paper that day an entire different meaning than anyone in the world expected it to. And while there are pictures of people in newspapers everyday, this was a once in a hundred million lives, lifetime treat.

April was going to be a great month.

It was, however, only a few weeks into the month that Josephine decided to start her attempts of escaping from my belly — one of which found me in the hospital under the guise of false appendicitis. Her Alcatraz-like plan was foiled however, mostly due in part by the numerous prayers that were heard by the powers that be. But she didn’t hesitate to try again and five weeks before her due date, Josephine Dwyer was born. After a quick incubation, she arrived home healthy and happy — that is just as long as you are doing exactly what she wants you to. April was also the month when I read a book by Sammy Hagar (hangs head in shame) in approximately 2.5 hours — an amount of time that I will always regret losing…

The rest of the year has been a bit of a sleepless/timeless/listless haze filled with the closeness of growing and playtimes. There have been moments when I stop, clear my head and listen to the news or something, but for the most part I have been in an 8 month hibernation as a full time Mom. Two kids, as I am discovering, is intense. Beyond the trip that I thought I was signing up for, but also filled with an extraordinary balance and calm. Trying to make time for myself has proved to be near impossible, but when I feel the pull and struggle to do more, I come back around. This time is precious and I’d rather be here, experiencing the lives of my kids…. A pedicure would be nice though.

And, to just sum up the rest of the year, because OMG – I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL READING THIS!
June – …the must in the air was a really choice herb…
July – …SOYLENT GREEN, SOYLENT GREEN…
August – …They don’t hate you…
September – …EVACUATION...
October – …Allergy kids and Lepers having so much in common…
November – …let’s all damn the man by smelling really bad…
And, December, Well. We’re here, aren’t we?

So, while not everything that happened in 2011 contributed to the life-changing handle that I’ve given it, the few things that did happen were quite large. [abundant, ample, barn door, blimp, booming, broad, bulky, capacious, colossal, comprehensive, considerable, copious, enormous, excessive, exorbitant, extensive, extravagant, full, generous, giant, gigantic, goodly, grand, grandiose, great, gross, hefty, huge, humongous, immeasurable, immense, jumbo, liberal, massive, monumental, mountainous, plentiful, populous, roomy, sizable, spacious, stupendous, substantial, super, sweeping, thumping, tidy, vast, voluminous, whopping, wide]. It’s amazing how two tiny people can pack such a punch.

And in ending, Merry Christmas my Friends — Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Bodhi Day, Boxing Day, Hogmanay, Koleda, and Festivus, etc. Happy New Year. I will see you when things are fresh and new, 2012!

Remember yesterday….?? Yes. Yesterday — Will’s official 4th birthday? Right? Yes. Yesterday. We should have left it at that, right? YAY — Happy Birthday — here are your presents and DONE. MOVED ON. OVER. But no.

Because weeks ago Will mentioned that he wanted to have a birthday party and that he wanted to invite his entire class. Also, he wanted the few friends he has outside of the school community… as well as his aunts, and grandparents. Because this is WHAT KIDS WANT. And who would we be if we didn’t go ahead and COMPLY? Right? WHAT IF WE SAID NO? Because… in hindsight, and well within the realization that this would have made us the MEANEST PARENTS ALIVE, we should have listened to our inner meanness, done the right thing and said ABSOLUTELY NOT.

But no. This is not what happened. Instead we smiled, said OH REEEAAALLY, rushed to the nearest party store and sent out invitations. Immediately. Look at the brains on us.

Now, today is Wednesday. Which means that I still have two and a half (approximately) days to pull my house together, plan and prepare foods that are loaded with deliciousness AND somehow manage to NOT look like a deranged psychopath. And, I know. It’s a kids party. GET OVER IT. But you see… yesterday something else happened that was totally and completely self inflicted. Like the brainiac I am, I gave Will a set of BATTERY OPERATED LAWN EQUIPMENT toys for his birthday…. YES. That’s right. I willingly gave him POWER GARDEN TOOLS, which he LOVES and has not stopped using since yesterday afternoon. These aren’t just toys, my friends — these could be the real thing, and they MAKE THE BEST noises—WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARGHGHEHGHEGHE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. And, while I was fully prepared to toss him outdoors with the weed whacker, blower, mower and chainsaw — he’s getting over a cold and therefore needs to play with all of them AT THE SAME TIME, inside.

So, while I’m rushing around, with a teething 7 month old that won’t let me put her down — pulling down the curtains that were water stained during the hurricane FOUR MONTHS AGO… WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE is playing in the background, and I’ve found time to sit down and type this with my toes while ordering 2 dozen balloons. Alone, each of these things would be completely within reason. Party. Power tools. TEETH. But together, the combination is resulting in treachery, and only HOURS OF DAYS to go until 12-15 kids and their (lovely, mind you) parents, as well as assorted others come over to hang out for an hour and a half. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT IS? And knowing me. ME. I’m damn near set straight to have this be an all out BLOW YOUR HAIR BACK kids party. I even bought 15 Slinkies for the gift bags. WHO DOES THAT?

The same one that bought the 4 year old his very own set of power tools, apparently.

I wish I could take credit for all of the lovely blooms and gardens that I seem to find myself bragging about… I mean, they are in my yard… And I admire them everyday — sometimes even talking to them, waiting for a response.. waiting, waiting, waiting…

But I really can’t take credit for the gardens. Aside from my admiration and the occasional watering, I have a family of gardeners and landscape gurus to thank. As I attempt to photograph, share — clip for bouquets and then in some cases — eat, the results of transplanting and growing from seed — the numerous and different plants. Most of the time, I don’t really know what the name of the plants are — or if they require shade to sun or the reverse. But as I watch, with growing interest, I am trying to learn so that someday I can say that I grew these gardens myself.

When Will was born in 2007, I made a pact with myself to stay on top of the pictures that we take… and for a while I was really good at this. I would order prints monthly to send and add to our own library. This was in addition to emailing out digital versions almost every day to family and close friends. Being completely sensitive towards the fact that babies and children change on a minute to minute basis — and not living within an hours drive of any of our closest, I wanted to make everyone feel like they were watching Will grow. And it worked… that is up until sometime last summer when I totally lost control of the process and simply stopped ordering prints. I don’t know if it was because we became so busy with summer and the events of the year OR if it was because I was going through different cheap and therefore useless cameras — not really liking any and/or having them break consistently up until buying a really good one this past January. Regardless, I was behind. Hundreds of pictures behind, and the catalogue that I had started to compile grew only in a digital sense, which is frightening because NEVER TRUST TECHNOLOGY. Not even the devil knows what wrath would emerge should ANY of these pictures disappear… Because, you know. LIFE. Even the backup of my backedup backup needs a backup — and that might not even be enough.

SO, for the past few days I’ve been dealing with this situation, spending my spits and seconds of free time going through photographs from the past year… Ordering away and preparing the print books for their arrival… I found myself really enjoying this process… reliving all the fun times — ALMOST as if all of the “These are the Days” Natalie Merchants out there were finally being heard by my cynical ears for the first time… If only for a second. Okay – less than a second… OH WHATEVER — Maybe I didn’t hear anything. Natalie Merchant sounds like Elmer Fudd to me anyway. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. I saw her in concert once where she sang and danced with her back to the audience… It never really made very much sense to me other than maybe she wanted us to acknowledge her ass. Which, AHEM, I just did.

And without calling too much attention, at least not in terms of our faces and daily lives (or asses), here is one image of many that I feel compelled to share…

This is my sister Kate and my son Will playing in the surf last summer. I love this picture because — not only does Kate look beyond amazeballs as a silhouette, but it also encompasses what we did almost every other day last year — WENT TO THE BEACH. And it seemed endless — an endless summer of the beach and now that the weather this year is finally ready for it, I have to wonder when we will make it back…. Because HELLO, the only thing that infant babies hate more than losing sight of their food source (aka, my boobs) is the big wide open beach. We haven’t attempted to take Josephine yet, at two months old I’m not quite sure how she’ll handle it… I will have my boobs with me though, so she might not argue too much. I’m also not so sure how much Kate will like having her bathing beauty self being outed on the intergalactic airwaves… if only my boobs could appease everyone.

When she’s so irresistible.. and I can’t stand myself. Running around. Where is my camera. I need a camera. SOMEONE TAKE OUR PICTURE. But we are alone. If I could only swing my arm around my body and then up high and balanced from the ceiling while looking through the viewfinder to make sure that I don’t snap a shot of my elbow instead of the cuteness that is now sleeping on my chest. While I balance carefully to capture the deliciousness of tranquility… and how I stop to wonder  — how fast can I share this moment with the world.

I took this picture the day before Josephine was born. I remember thinking that I was all wrong about this baby coming earlier than predicted… I even muttered that she was right on for the target date — May 23rd. A few short hours later I was in labor… a few even shorter minutes later, she was here. Now she’s gurgling in a baby “soother” next to me while I type.

Since then, things have become more and more clear despite the rather chaotic scene that surrounds me. But when I say “clear” I have to admit that I’m focused almost entirely on the smallest of small…. Like details that I missed or couldn’t grasp in a pregnancy haze. For example, we had been talking for weeks about finally adding the missing leaf to our kitchen table — so as to allow dining comfort for our growing family and the host of guests that have already been penciled in for the upcoming months. And I know — this is way beyond boring. I mean WHY am I blogging about this? Who cares — and more importantly — WHY ARE YOU READING THIS? But the point isn’t about how small the universe becomes when there is an infant in the room… it’s about how much bigger all of the small things seem to be. While we tried and tried to pull apart the table so as to accommodate the missing leaf, our frustrations grew and grew. Why hadn’t we ever attempted this before? We paid for a big table — were we EVER going to get to use it? The whole thing was beginning to feel like a ShamWOW! commercial when suddenly, whilst I was dozing off for a few minutes in the wee hours, I remembered the latches underneath the table. Unhook them and let the growth begin. In our haste and impatience we had cursed the table to no end when really — all we had to do was look underneath. Life, my friends, should never be so difficult.

And… we are in big trouble…

Because look at her! HER! A little girl! Oh, how we didn’t even KNOW what this would feel like… with our world wrapped up in all things little boy… A LITTLE GIRL. And those eyes — she’s not judging any of us… NOT AT ALL. While she watches us walking around in circles, eyes crossed, bumping into each other muttering “A Girl, A Girl” over and over again…

Everything she does is cute. But the word cute doesn’t even really work  — it’s beyond cute. Beyond the limits of any definition, actually. And beautiful. Everything is beautiful. And perfect — nothing else can compare. But just wait, because I’m only getting ready to jump off this cliff of insanity… into a pristine pool of PINK FLORAL LOVELINESS.  I should have known.. I mean, I’m a girl. My Mom and two sisters are girls.. my girlfriends are girls… well, duh! even the gay men and metros are ladies. But the reactions… the immediate calming of voices to high pitched whispers… the mouths opening in awe and wonder of the spell being cast…. the immediate wrapping of her father around her little finger…  and my sneaking suspicion that she already knows way more than I ever will… Oh boy, a little girl….