Results tagged "Visual Arts"

Leave it to me to get all juiced up about a local art heist.

And you should see the actual events playing out in my head…

Feb. 16th – “Southampton Village Police and Federal Bureau of Investigation officials are now investigating the theft of a dozen paintings, which have a combined value of more than $250,000, that were reported stolen from a village estate last week….The housekeeper at a Captains Neck Lane home called Southampton Village Police shortly after noon on Monday, February 7, to report the burglary, which police believe occurred between 1:30 p.m. on Saturday, February 5, and its discovery on Monday. The house is owned by the widow of the late Bear Stearns billionaire Paul Hallingby Jr….” [via 27east.com]

[IN MY HEAD] – A Steve McQueen combined with Pierce Brosnan character, but with slightly less of a puss… international gazillionaire has arrived, incognito, Hamptons bound to do some gazing among the summer mansions, cherry picking (if you will) as he goes, the paintings and pieces of art that he has longed for his entire life. The completions of his world wide collection. He isn’t moving quickly — doesn’t have to with nothing short of a fortune backing his hobby. Not to mention, he has found it quite easy to make off with the paintings in broad daylight as the home owners are long gone for the winter season… only guessing at the passkeys to access the houses, swooning the caretaker into submission while he thanks her for coffee as he exits with priceless works stuffed in his otherwise meticulously catered pants… but then…

“…Works by a medley of French and American artists, including Frederick H. McDuff, Jean Duffy, Jacques Martin-Ferrières, Howard Behrens, Pierre Bittar and Cecil Everley were among the paintings stolen from the living room of the house….”

Martin-Ferrieres

Behrens

Everley

[ME] – Eeeewwww. And my fantasy comes to a halt so abrupt, I have whiplash. Suddenly, Dustin Diamond, turned porn star (I hear) but once the geeked out ruler of the post-modernist tween generation, aka Screech from Saved by the Bell, is the Villain…. Manifesting a pathetic quest for bad French and American art… like really bad….  Heavy oils and muddled replicas of real art. Okay — so maybe it isn’t all that bad… the Everley would look nice in my dining room. And perhaps the Ferrières, I could live with that… but the Bittar – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  If you’re going to steal something – MAKE IT WORTH THE EFFORT. As it turns out, Diamond’s head is skinny enough to fit through even the slightest of door jambs — taking ques from Mr. Gadget and Gumby. His only goal is to make it to the next international art expo where he can pedal his hijacking as “corporate works” — a desperate effort to change careers before the mid-life crisis sinks in. Not to mention — he picks his nose… IN PUBLIC…. and then…

Feb. 23rd – “A caretaker at a First Neck Lane home notified Southampton Village Police last Wednesday, February 16, that someone had broken into the home sometime between noon on Monday, February 14, and noon on Wednesday, and stolen “numerous” paintings. Detective Sergeant Herman Lamison said this week the artwork is valued at about $20,000 so far and involves about nine paintings and lithographs, including works by Raymond F. Lawrence, Herbert Meyer, and Sir Edwin Lauser. Det. Sgt. Lamison said there are no suspects yet….Police believe the thieves entered through a first floor window on the south side of the home that was found open with muddy tracks leading into the living room.” [via  27east.com & Southampton Patch]

And that’s the last straw. I can deal with bad taste and art that smells like cigar resin and mothballs. I can handle skinny heads AND oils that take decades to dry. But when you’re ready for some serious artnapping…. keep your disgusting and lead-giveaway muck boots OUT OF MY MANSION. Especially on the south side. I MEAN REALLY. And look where I had you — all dressed up and hanging with the likes of McQueen and Brosnan. Here I thought you were real and I was ready to let you swoop me up — take me away on your plane to your private island in the south pacific where I can watch you fish for our dinner while I sun bathe naked except for the GIANT sun hat that defeats the purpose of nudity.

Okay. Do you hear me? I’m sitting here in Southampton — 40 miles shy of the end of this island, just WAITING for something like this to shake things up. It’s March — things are slooowww… so COME ON — STEAL SOMETHING GOOD. And… there’s no reason to get all MESSY about this adventure… Simply wipe off your shoes — TAKE THEM OFF, even. And, if you don’t mind, can we switch the marks a little? This is the Hamptons — think Rauschenberg, Lee Krasner… And if you’re not into local, stop embarrassing yourself by stealing the unheard of… KNOW WHAT I MEAN? Let’s up the game, huh?

Love and Hugs,

Ry Sal

PS. please note that the artwork featured in this post may not reflect the actual stolen artwork. I really have no idea, but Charlie Sheen overload has become tedious and boring. Send ice cream immediately.

Related articles

• Pick a Rental, Any Rental: It’s March! Which means now’s as… (curbed.com)
• Art Thefts, Part Deux… (curbed.com)

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It might be the world’s largest work in progress…

So don’t hold your breath for too long.

(side note – if you missed part one go here.)

I realized on this second round of renovations that this project is rather spiritual.. and not just because of Miss Native American Dorian Grey either… The last time we paid it a visit was in January.. We decided on a whim to get started, drove really fast up to the Berkshires and attacked… And then left for just over 2 months — Thus giving the house a chance to get comfortable with itself before the next attack. I mean, it really isn’t unlike America’s Next Top Model when Tyra takes the almost-too-young beauty with long flowing blonde locks and chops and shaves her head into a mohawk… not holding back with the jet black hair dye. Only to have her confidence shattered until she realizes how much better she looks and blows the competition off the catwalk… so to speak. Because, yes. I am that deep. 

AND – you heard it here first people. These things take time. Paying attention to detail, stripping, sanding, spackeling, sanding again, wallpapering, priming, and eventually painting. So – while we move on with the rest of our daily lives, we anticipate that several more reDefines are in store… and we just wonder what we’ll find….

And what of Miss Grey? Well – we’ve decided to pull out the tiny brushes for a little restoration party because even though we are just as scared of her as she is of us… she should stay. If not because of the fear in her eyes that we will paint over her… but just for safety’s sake… we don’t want any bad blood with a possible good ol’ fashioned haunting now do we? Hmmm?

   

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Can we talk about stuff? The kind of stuff that accumulates over time. The kind of stuff that you think you need or might need someday? The stuff that you think you’re being really really organized about and then you forget about it until you decide to tackle the situation and you can’t even remember why you kept the stuff to begin with? Like a pile of rolodex cards for the rolodex that you threw away with the invention of the computer. Or gobs and gobs of receipts–from 2002. Or how about art projects that you thought killed in college–now, not so much save for the hours of tedious yellow marker.

Because I’m still in the process of moving out of my space in Bridgehampton and back into my home office… which is requiring a massive reorganization before bringing more stuff in… which means that I have to go through it all to make sure that the colored pencils that are over a decade old are still worth a damn. Or the design trade publications from 1998 that I moved from one state and then another and yet another and still haven’t read. Do you think the theories will still apply? Ordinarily I would walk away from this situation in an attempt to avoid the hives that are slowly forming up my neck — but I don’t have any choice in the matter. I used to just tiptoe around the stuff… quietly, not wanting to disturb, occasionally opening the closets or drawers whispering.. hello in there – just let me sit at my computer… but now the other stuff is coming and therefore this stuff needs to go.

And it is with this task that I stand before you, OH DESK. Help me. Giant universe filled with lots of other stuff– as my pitch pierces my own ears… And, does anyone have a blindfold? Because I’m getting all teary-eyed having just found an awesome pen and I can’t watch. How do you throw it away? Do you want it? Maybe I’ll place an ad – “Stuff, in need of a good home. Will work with other stuff.” Or maybe I’ll just put it all back and pile more stuff on top… or maybe, just maybe…

In other news today… and before I drown myself in projects circa 1995, Aiming Low is repeating this post today. You can either read it here – or you can go there.. Heck, you can read it in both places if you’d like… because the season for repeats is looming upon and, although I have brown hair and she has the same glasses as me, I am not Tina Fey (shocker) and therefore don’t get paid residuals. Just put the hate down. 

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